Reply To: What's so wrong with what I'm doing?

[blackdog]

@robynshnobyn

I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing, with everyone pushing me and saying “what are you going to do with your life” and things like that.

First of all, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. For us that is. People with ADHD, for one thing, mature a little more slowly than other people. So when we reach that age chronologically where we are supposed to decide what to with our lives and be all grown up and responsible, we are not really quite there yet emotionally and mentally. You still want to play and be a kid, just “wing it” and be free.

Secondly, we respond differently to the concept of responsibility. To other people, it’s just what you do because you have to, even if you don’t like it. To us, it’s this huge gigantic thing looming over our heads that we are afraid will drop and crush us at any minute.

And then there is the anxiety caused by having to make a decision and trying to figure out all of the 101 possible outcomes of that decision, and which one is most likely to happen. And there is one of my biggest problems, time blindness. I really just didn’t see what all the fuss was about because there was lots of time to make those decisions. Why does it have to be done right now? I’m only 18, it’s way too early to be thinking about a career.

So, I don’t really know what the answer is. But I can tell you what not to do. Don’t give in to the urge to procrastinate and keep putting it off. Don’t fall for the trap of  thinking things are better the way they are now because you’re free and you can do what you want. Because that’s what I did and trust me, it doesn’t work out well. The end result has been never having a steady job, not having enough skills or experience to get a decent job, and basically having to depend on others. I never have any money, I can’t go anywhere or do anything, so I don’t really have any freedom at all.  The lesson that I learned the hard way is that true freedom comes from structure.

My advice is don’t listen to other people, and don’t let them push you into something you are not ready for or don’t really want to do, because that is a recipe for disaster. If you aren’t motivated to do it you will just get bored and frustrated and unhappy and end up failing. But you do need to take positive steps forward and figure out what it is that you do want.

Start by brainstorming about what is really important to you. What do you value most in life? What are you passionate about? Do you like kids, animals, music, art…? And what do you hate? What drives you so crazy that you couldn’t stand to be around it all day?

Then think about what kind of career would work for you. You like having a sense of freedom, so maybe a job with a more flexible schedule and minimal supervision would be good, maybe working from home or running your own business. But, will you be motivated to do the work if you don’t have someone watching you and holding you accountable? Sometimes it is actually better for us to have a rigid structure, no matter how distasteful the idea seems. Structure can actually create more freedom because you will get the work done and out of the way and then be able to do what you want with the rest of your time.

The same is true for your home life. Procrastinating and putting work off so that you can do what you want, when you want, will eventually lead to you having less freedom. Trust me. Been there done that. I have such an enormous mountain of mess to straighten out that I couldn’t do it of I worked on it 24 hours a day. Because I don’t want to clean, I want to watch videos on YouTube, go on Facebook, play games, check out Totally ADD and see what’s new…..

And on that note, I think it’s time for me to be going.

 

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