The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Stuck in Regret/Anger › "What's your biggest problem or frustration with ADD/ADHD in general? › Reply To: "What's your biggest problem or frustration with ADD/ADHD in general?
I think “cancer of the soul” is a little extreme. Also, ADHD is not a lack of moral will. Calling it that suggests that it is not a real disorder, that it is a choice we make, that we really are just being lazy.
I have plenty of “moral will”. I set out every day determined to do my absolute best, to get all of my work done, to make good on all those promises, to show up on time and be enthusiastic and sociable and a good team player, to show them all what I’m capable of.
But then stuff happens. I forget something, something goes wrong and throws me off schedule, my attempts so socialize don’t go well and I withdraw and go hide in my shell again, my mood shifts and suddenly I’m depressed and don’t want to do anything but lie down and curl up in a ball. And I don’t feel so capable any more. I have failed, yet again.
But I did not fail because I lack morals or because my soul has wasted away. I failed because I have ADHD and, more importantly, because the other people don’t have it and don’t understand it. All they see is that I was late, I didn’t do what they asked me to do, I was unfriendly, I left my jobs unfinished so others ended up having to do the work for me…….And the thought never occurs to them that I didn’t actually plan it that way, that I might actually feel really bad that it turned out that way.
As for being capable of love, I don’t think that is determined by whether or not you have ADHD. I am not really capable of love, in the sense that I do not feel it, either in giving or receiving. At least I don’t seem to feel it the way other people do. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t take care of those around me and have genuine concern for their wellbeing. And I don’t think it is related in any way to the ADHD. More likely it is caused by early emotional and psychological trauma, or an imbalance of some sort in my brain.
I hope that you do find love and happiness in your life. It isn’t all bad. 🙂
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