Reply To: Work in Progress

[Robbo]

Yep, good thread. On the parents and parenting issue I have to stick my nose to that grindstone called forgiveness. Most of all I need to finish the parenting job my parents never finished with me, by parenting myself. I’m my own dad now. I’m MUCH more gentle with me than my dad was.  We’ll give him a break today too of course.

My dad did teach me how to treat a lady like a lady – by showing me. I would like to be closer to my family but I’m better off without that arm, so to speak. It’s scary, but learning to live with less body is better than no life. I’m happy to have what’s left. I can do a lot with what’s left. I don’t want to see my family armless, but I like them alive. There’s hope for us if they’re alive.

Holding on to me blew off their arm. What a mess.

I’m looking foreword to spring time. This has been the most difficult winter I’ve had. (probably… we forget fortunately) It’s getting better though. Mainly because I actually do have some new and good friends in my life. I just struggle like a dang fool with accepting the love people show me. It’s painful when people are generous to me. I know I deserve to be treated with kindness but sometimes it’s so foreign to me that I back off like a terrified wild animal… hissing and showing my teeth, shivering out in the cold. Afraid people will see just how fragile I am.

But I do stand my ground. And let myself be loved. It ain’t easy, but I’m learning that when I keep on passing on that love it’s less painful to accept it, to own it, it’s mine. The more I share this, the more it expands inside me. And my pride does not explode like an atom bomb inside my aching soul. My insides don’t fly apart like a giant helicopter… all dark and green and loud. I survive. Always have, always will.

This is a great zoo. I think I like it here.

love n peace you guys, I’m real sure we’ve made it through the hardest part of winter. Let’s ROCK!, hard, fast and loud.

R

 

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