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@Megan, I know exactly what you mean about not being heard. And all the “toughening up” talks are useless. Being effectively assertive takes learning some techniques and practice.
I learned a lot from watching other people who were good at it in the way I wanted to be. I also discovered I could be assertive on behalf of other people (especially my kids) and that gave me some confidence about doing it for myself. Enlisting a supportive friend helped me, too. Not necessarily even to speak up for me if I faltered (although I loved it when I had the right person), but just for moral support, to shadow me.
It’s like a lot of things, I think you have to build up something of a muscle for it. Over the course of time, I’d stand up for myself once, then fail 4 or 5 times. Over and over.
I feel for you, Megan. I’m not going to kid you–it took a number of years. It was painful to follow that learning curve, but not as painful as getting walked on. That was my motivation.
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