Afraid to Medicate Again

[Anonymous]

I’ve been on several ADHD drugs in the past, having been diagnosed in my early 30’s (now 38). I had mixed results, but seemed to have the best results from Concerta. However, my experience with this drug and the doctor prescribing it went something like this…

– Was prescribed 24mg for 30 days, seemed to help some, but was still a bit off

– Was prescribed 36mg for 30 days, noticed a pretty good improvement, because a much nicer person (not so angry when bored, etc.) and was focusing well

– 90 days in or so, things at work became a bit hectic and I was noticing that when I came under heavy stress, I would shift from well-balanced mentally, to fairly frantic. I returned to the doctor concerned, so he upped my dosage to 54mg for 30 days. At this point I was high functioning, but when I became stressed out, I started to feel quite frantic, some level of despair.

– Returned to the doctor and shared my story of stress, etc. and he upped my dosage again to 36mg twice a day! At this point I became so frantic, I entered a mania feeling, like the world was going to end and the most extreme feelings of despair you can imagine and it went on for hours even after the stressing activity was removed.

It was at this point I called it quits all together and did not return for more meds. The period immediately after stopping the Concerta was filled with depression, anxiety and a deep sadness for me. I was on an emotional rollercoast for a short time.

I just watched my ADD and Lovin’ It DVD and I am not considering getting back on Concerta to help pull my chaotic life back together before I destroy what is left of my marriage and relationships with those around me.

I have two concerns. One, I am an extremely high functioning person in Crisis mode which has gotten me 9 promotions in 7 years and I now hold an executive level job with absolutely zero formal education in the field I am in. I just get the big picture and can do things much faster than most people. Will getting back on drugs to treat my ADHD affect my ability to function in this way? Will it take my “edge” off that I rely on to be successful?

Two, Is there some way to manage to the anxiety I found to be associated with my stress levels an the interactions with the drugs? Can I mitigate those episodes?

Help.

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[Anonymous]

I don’t really know the answer to your questions.

Do you drink coffee when you are stressed? it mixes very badly with ADHD meds. I found this out the hard way one day.

Also therapy is helpful for learning how to manage anxiety. Panic anxiety can usually be aborted if you develop the skills.

Sorry I cannot be more helpful. I’m more inattentive and take the meds to work faster.

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[Anonymous]

I wasn’t drinking anything with Caffeine in it while on the meds, I discovered the hard way they didn’t mix well. I don’t normally experience panic attacks of any kind. Unmedicated, I deal with stress and crisis very calmly, on meds, I start losing my marbles.

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[Anonymous]

Are you mostly wanting to try the meds again due to the relationships in your life? How does ADHD affect the relationships? With communication and changing habits, there may be a compromise to be found. sorry, I’m talking without any knowledge of your personal life.

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[Anonymous]

I can tell you that my wife’s direct quote some weeks after I discontinued the meds was “I liked you better when you took those meds, you weren’t such an asshole…” I tend to be more dramatic, pick at people, be angry, etc. when I run rampant without medication. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me, but when it comes to my marriage, after 20+ years of being together she has finally had enough of that behavior.

I’m noticing serious issues dealing with boredom as I look back at my life. I have filled those gaps in my life when I wasn’t in crisis mode by spending a lot of money on things I don’t need, over-eating, doing drugs, binge drinking, create drama where there is none, etc. and I’m at the point where I need a more positive, less self-destructive lifestyle.

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[Anonymous]

Perhaps, you need to compromise a bit on your career? It sounds like the med decreases some of your workplace productivity, but increases the quality of your daily life and relationships. Are there some workplace responsibilities that you could cut back on to work on your relationships? Is your wife also willing to educate herself about ADHD and work with you on what is acceptable and what is not to her?

Let me know if these questions are intrusive.

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[Anonymous]

It sounds to me that the 36mg Concerta did the best for you, but that it made you function “normally” with regards to stress. I have seen many non-ADHD people fall apart when things get stressful, so maybe the meds just bring you into a “normal” range of functioning. Not that it helps you deal with it, I’m sorry. One thought is to re-visit some of the ADHD meds. I have read that dextroamphetamine tends to work slightly better for those who have anxiety issues, and that methylphenamide (which is what concerta is) can increase/cause anxiety in some people. I also agree with sugargremlin’s post. You might need to look at whether you can compromise on your job a bit, to cut back the stressful parts that cause the problems when you’re on meds. There may also be medications you could take that alleviate the anxiety when it occurs, but I am no expert and you’d have to dicuss that with a doctor while making it clear that increasing your ADHD meds just makes the anxiety under stress worse, and you will not tolerate ever increasing doses. Good luck.

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[Anonymous]

Sugargremlin – As far as cutting back on work, that really isn’t an option for a couple of reasons. One, I own the projects I work on and delegate those tasks which I can already, so there is really nothing to cut back on. Two, I would explain my job the same way I’ve heard police officer’s explain their day…long periods of boredom punctuated by short periods of stress and excitement. Without medication, I do fine in the less exciting times between projects and thrive in busy crunch time mode. On meds I do really well with the boring periods and fall apart during the crunch time parts. It’s almost like I need to be medicated only when I’m not busy, perhaps a lower dose during those times? As far as my wife being willing to educate herself, she is well aware why I act the way I do and I think she has just had enough of it after all this time. I’ve tried to get her to watch the DVD, however she just said “I don’t need to see a movie that tells me all of the annoying things I already know you do.” So there is that.

KrazyKat – Perhaps you’re correct, maybe it is time for me to find a different doctor and explore other medicines. I have an appointment later today and I will get a refer to a Psychiatrist who can give me some different options. It has been rough going for me lately and I’m pretty open to trying just about anything at this point.

Thanks to both of you for being “experts” and commenting, it has been helpful!

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[Anonymous]

So I guess the forum section title is a bit misleading given there are no “experts” in here.

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