Can we stop being negative?

[Anonymous]

I prefer to call myself “differently attentioned.” (As in differently abled, an alternative way to speak of physically disabled people.) A recent article says, “the female is able to compensate for her attentional weaknesses and other impairments.” Why weakness and impairment? When you learn to live in the linearly-focused world and be effective, you’re not weak or impaired, you have gifts that others don’t have.

Sure it’s difficult. But how much better to reach for a goal of being gifted, rather than just struggling to pretend to be normal…

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[Anonymous]

Normal is over-rated and frankly, the world changes by people who are different. Bravo!

Attention in context is a powerful thing.

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[Wgreen]

With all due respect—and I really do see the merit in positive thinking— it’s not about “normalcy,” it’s about functionality.

I’m all for redacting “normal” from the English lexicon when it comes to the human personality. And kudos to paradigm-changing innovators! But when you can’t perform essential everyday tasks, hold down a job (or keep from gambling away your paycheck), do your schoolwork, or maintain important relationships, you’ve got a serious problem. So does your spouse/partner. So do your friends, your parents, and/or your kids.

I doubt many ADDers change the world*—except to inject more chaos. In fact, if you believe what they say in their posts, they spend much of their time grappling with failure. If ADD/ADHD is just a benign personality trait, or a gift, why invest the money and research facilities to develop new, more effective meds? Why waste the money to produce a TV documentary? Or why have a website? Heck, save the bandwidth.

________

*Unless they also have sky-high IQs.

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[veronica]

yes! you can think positive…..

i am a perfect example. for the longest time i was in a ‘woe is me’ mindset. kept thinking that things are too hard. kept keeping myself back and not wanting to try new things, b/c i was scared. i was afraid of rejection, being told i wasn’t good enough, being told that i wasn’t normal, thinking over and over that i would never fit in…. and always looking pessimistically at EVERYTHING.

8 years… 8 years married and battled through a verbally and physically abusive relationship, 8 years of bouncing from job to job trying to find one that i felt needed and free at the same time, 8 years of not being able to maintain my wee bouts of positivity…. then i started looking in the mirror every morning and talking to myself. telling myself mauntras that allowed me to love myself for who i am. learn to love you first, then once you can forgive yourself for every ‘stupid’ thing you’ve done and moving passed it… it will open your eyes and heart to a lot of posibilities.

the next step… i stopped talking to those people in my life that didn’t allow me to stay positive. starting with a few friends. they were very draining, energy wise.

then i started to show my skills at work and learning everything i could while working there, just to take advantage of it.

i got laid off in December. and i didn’t cry or get worried. i just started concentrating on finding my perfect job. and bam, 3 weeks later landed the job of my dreams (WITHOUT a college degree, thank you very much).

then… yep it gets better.

i left my husband of 8 years. and when i laid out everything that i felt about him and about our relationship, he told me….

“this whole time we were concentrating on ‘fixing’ you and i know now that you are the more ‘normal’ one of the two of us. i’ve learned a great deal about LOVE-PATIENCE-CARING-HUGS-EMOTIONAL CONTROL-PARENTING-FRIENDSHIPS-BEING CENTERED and BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF”

i was excited and on cloud nine and have been. i’m a pretty darn positive person. and pretty darn positive things happen b/c i BELIEVE they will.

i know i saw another thread about this same thing a while back when this site first popped up. considering i’m too lazy to look it up, i won’t. but it touched on books to read and ways to think positive.

good luck! don’t let the world, or yourself… get you down.

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[Anonymous]

Well Virginia……I agree wholeheartedly. I am one of those who sees my brain function as neither an impairment, nor a weakness. I am what I consider gifted. I have posted ad nauseum what a gift I consider the random/visionary brain process. Like Dr. J says….the world is changed by those who see a different path, the alternative course, the possible. It is the linear people who manage the world’s administriva (bless them and thanks to them)…….but…. it is the random visionary, people who drive it forward!!!!!

As for normal….I’m not sure what normal means…..I struggle with that, I really do??? Normative behavior??? In what context?? What society, in what time frame..it’s so subjective???? It seems to have no real validity when placed under scrutiny….but the whole concept seems to cause many individuals to present some interesting responses to it???

Nuff-o-that……….glad to see your positive uptake Virginia….it’s contagious maybe eh!!!

toofat

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[Bibliophile]

I totally agree with you, Wgreen. I find little positive in my inability to stay on task, listen to others effectively (unless I am truly interested in what they are saying) or for any length of time, or repeating tasks day in and day out (which is required in most jobs). This schism in ADHD outlook makes me wonder if it is a case of people with varying levels of impairments describing their own situation. Sure someone with just a little inattention and with a laissez-affaire lifestyle may say their ADHD has made themselves more bohemian and creative, while another sufferer who cannot finish a book or television programme as it is too hard to sustain interest or focus or who is completely worn out by spending time in a club or party because of the overabundance of stimuli will say it is crippling and something they really wish they didn’t have. We must also remember that people with ADHD are notoriously poor at self assessment so there is also the denial aspect to the overly positive approach.

There is nothing wrong with positive thinking or saying “I can do good” or “I am creative” but there is something wrong with attributing that ability to achieve with a cognitive impairment. I think many of us achieve in spite of our ADHD, not because of it. There are of course some professional exceptions, but they are not the norm.

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[Bibliophile]

I wanted to add rash decision-making to my list of impairments that are not beneficial. Jumping to a decision, while it can be a time saver, might also be inappropriate for decision-making in a business setting or when evaluating product.

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[Anonymous]

Hi L_B……….sounds like we are as different as night and day and that’s fine…”viva la difference”. There is room for that in my world. I have found pockets of that difference on this site from time to time, it’s great. I am one….there are others, not a majority it appears, but certainly some, a percentage let’s say????

It seems, as you say, for the majority of us maybe, ADD processing is an impairment, and I do understand that, I feel that from many site members………but…..it’s not like that for everybody. I can’t, and don’t, assume to speak for everybody, it’s not my place to do so. I do however understand, it is a large world out there, and there is room for many permutations and combinations….or so I think.

I found your comments on ability, disability and business very interesting and maybe challenging too. So, I’m compelled to respond. I post this as an sampling of the possible, in reference to your comment on rash business decisions?? Sure, again, yes… for some, I believe what you say to be very accurate, but then…….(for me)… I was a Business Planner, in a telecommunication company. I held a job, worked up through the rank and file, I did well in my career. At one point, was seconded to a overarching coast to coast telecommunications company (for a year) to head up a project to prepare the member telcos for the onslaught of the technology competition. I was very successful at it. The fine point on this is, they sought me out because of what I envisioned (out of the box to coin a phrase), and the inherent process(s) and solution(s) I brought to their table. This all happened in a world heavy with linear people, a literal haven for engineers and accountants, who, I suppose, were limited (impaired maybe), by their linear process brain….. limited visionary ability. I post this not as a quip, but as a sampling, for purposes of sharing and understanding, that indeed we (Adders) abilities may be wildly varied…and variations maybe limited only by one’s immediate perspective. Yet we also all share various similarities…..so, there you go???????

I’m 60 now, did my 30 years, I’m retired, financially solvent, and ADD. Both my children are ADD….well, they are adults now actually. Opps, almost forgot, I’m living with the same partner for 35 + years too???? All of these things supposedly go against the ADD grain, the “A” typical. The point I’m trying to share is….we differ L_B……we all do, even within my own nuclear family we differ……greatly. My son and daughter differ from each other, as they do from me. One struggles with one thing, one struggles with another. People do, people struggle…..linear people struggle too. Some linear people are quite successful at their lives… while… others…….. hmmm……… maybe do not have quite the same success stories.

Yes… I have math issues, I’ll never find algebra a breeze, I struggled writing term papers, I have all my socks lined up in a specific drawer (hahahaaha)……hmmmm….does that matter…not to me. It seems as I said at the onset, we are different the ADDers, the linear….all of us. So, I guess to suggest that we, who see ourselves as gifted are deluded….. well…….hmmmm…..it may be a limited view???.

I get that it doesn’t work for you, I understand that, I really do ……..but…..there is a segment for whom it works and works very very well. We do co-exist on this web site and we do share issues, and solutions and provide support to each other…..we ADDers are different, a minority for sure. I also acknowledge that from time to time this very conversation comes up, you can find versions of it in threads all over the site. I have to wonder if by sharing the other side of the coin, maybe some are encouraged in their struggle, maybe strive to look beyond their immediate limitations …..well….. I don’t see that as anything but positive.

I hope, there is room in this big world for all of our opinions without limiting anothers……thanks for your thought provoking post.

toofat

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[Bibliophile]

I agree that people with ADHD can succeed given the right setting and support. I also agree completely that the impairments each of us contend with vary in intensity and type; although to be ADHD the impairments would have to be associated with impairments of executive functions or inattention and behaviour monitoring.

Sure, there are situations when being unable to maintain a train of thought will lead to brilliant insights seemingly out of left field. Other times it will lead to losing ones train of thought while pitching a new technology or focusing on a minor detail instead of the big picture. The environment is the key to success.

For day to day tasks, e.g. housework, paying bills, programming the kids’ activities, etc., and business related activities, e.g. ensuring tasks are completed on time, ensuring tasks are completed with the appropriate detail and scope, ensuring that tasks follow accepted format, etc., ADHD detracts from one’s success because staying on topic or focused and monitoring time are difficult activities for the ADHD brain. The business setting will dictate how rigid the rules are as well, which may play up to a person’s strengths or allow for some degree of inattention.

Not every person suffering from ADHD is a gambler, drug addict, divorcee, or math failure. I agree. However, I feel that the person would most likely be better at doing what there strengths are if they didn’t have to deal with the ADHD symptoms. The exception is the environment or task that REQUIRES random thinking, not sitting still, and trial and error.

I ask you, is jumping from one thought to the next really thinking faster? How do we measure that? I know we feel like our minds are racing, but is that just because of the constant flurry of thoughts or is it really processing faster? How could we even measure and what would the baseline be?

We can all point to anecdotal examples of either side. For example, Walt Disney was very much a LINEAR thinker but still creative and visionary. Would he have accomplished as much as he did if he was not staying on task or found it difficult to finish a project? How much patience was required to refine ideas and implement them?

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[Wgreen]

Librarian_chef: you make a great point. Maybe we’re talking about apples and oranges here. If that’s true, we’re in the wrong forum.

As I have said before, I understand the upside. I personally have been extremely successful by the lights of others over the years—I’ve invented and brought to market innovative products. I’ve founded and run international businesses. In fact, I’ve been places and done things most people can only dream of. But, as you have suggested, it was partly luck; and with that “success” has come considerable collateral damage to myself, my personal affairs, and my family.

Others in my family with ADD struggled daily and left nothing but wreckage everywhere.

It has been said that people’s strengths are their weaknesses. And vice-versa. I think that’s generally true, and often true of ADD. We’re very creative. We are innovators—sometimes. Some people with ADD become Hollywood stars or find there way into Wikipedia. Hey, some people win the lottery, too.

Once, several years ago, a saw an adaptation of R.L. Stevenson’s “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” In this film, Hyde is not deformed or ugly. He is handsome and charming. I thought, “How brilliant!” Charisma and “creativity” also can be projections of a dark, menacing inner shadow. And, in fact, the tragic end of the story remained unchanged.

I won’t bore anybody with my life’s story. But I’ll say this: all the success I’ve had as a result of a creative streak (and luck) has been conjoined with other debilitating personal issues. And the tradeoff is not one I chose. It’s one I inherited. To be honest, even with “the upside” I’ve had the good fortune to experience, I don’t think I’d ever wish ADD on anybody. Swapping self control and neurological equilibrium for “magical thinking” is, in my experience, a Faustian pact.

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[Anonymous]

“Once more unto the the breach, dear friends” hahahahaha…..good exchange folks, I have enjoyed it tremendously. We are a group with ideas and opinions, no debate there. It looks like we may agree on some aspects, and vary on others. I don’t know that there is a right answer here, or if anybody was indeed looking for one….but is maybe more a sharing of perspectives and experiences, again I enjoyed it.

thanks again all for your posts…..

toofat

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[Author]

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