Communication between ADHD people

[kc5jck]

Random ADD thought for the day… If ADD were an animal, would it be a cat?

Monday I had nine cats which include the two my daughter left with us when she left for three years in Alaska to fly C-17’s around the world. She’s not ADD.

About Wednesday, my 20 year old ADD son took a cat, Rizley, named after a friend who died at far too young an age, to have at his house. Friday we went to the pound and adopted a totally awesome black longhair so my son now has two cats.

I, being short a cat, an employee gave me an eight week old Russian Blue earlier today. It joins with the likes of Ole who is part Asian Leopard Cat and the twins, Chico and Pedro, who are half bobcat, and Galen the Maine Coon. Pedro has the habit of using the door knocker to bang on the door when he wants inside, something he figured out on his own. Not to be denyed should we not answer the door, Pedro will jump on the roof and meow at the bedroom window in order to gain entrance. Then there is Gilligan, my little black tabby buddy, who emerged from the woods a little over a year ago.

All this written because I know from their posts that there are other cat lovers (Billd) out there, and I suspect from the avatars and screen names, actually quite a few.

How about it? Do cats have ADD which is why so many of us understand and relate to them so well? Or do we just like being loved by an animal that doesn’t demand attention all the time.

So there you have it, something else to think about when you wake up at three in the morning and can’t get back to sleep.

PS The cat pictured under my screen name was CJ, and African serval. He could stand up and see what was for supper without having to jump on the counter.

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[Anonymous]

I have an OSH and a Black cat. How would this have something to do with ADD?

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[Anonymous]

Laughs, we have lived with cats for 40 years. Living with 2 short hairs now. I asked my psychiatrist if she lived with cats.

Her answer ?

” I work with people who have entitlement issues. Why would I want to go home to the same thing ? “

Cats are cool. Eat,play and then sleep for 6 hours, repeat process .. v nice.

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[anniea]

Reading this string reminds me of a woman I worked with and who I thought was my friend. She could NOT tolerate my jumping around when we talked, or traveled together. It really bothered her. When I FINALLY called her and told her about ADD she remained a skeptic. I finally quit trying to talk to her. She would get short and interrupt, and try to keep me on the linear path which would frustrate me more than I can tell yous.

I have other people in my life that “get” me when I talk, and understand if I circle back around to finish a thought. I love when I am talking to someone who can give a totally mixed up direction, and I know exactly what they are talking about. “MY people”.

It is harder when the linear people are bosses. I’ve had that too. Which explains why I have had a lot of different jobs. I even had a Psychologist ask me he he thought ADD was real… duh…he became a believer several years later. His wife was my boss, and one of the best I ever worked for.

I don’t know if IQ numbers mean anything. I worked in a group home for DD adults who lived most of their lives in institution. I “got” them, and was able to connect with several of them, lovely gentle souls who made it better for the next generation of autistic, DD folks. I know I am smart, always have been. But if you can’t relate to those you are around.. that makes life more difficult.

Don’t know if there is a point to my rambling.. just realized the linear folks are a little to anal sometimes, and I like my folks better.

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[Anonymous]

@Anniea You know what? I don’t think anyone understands the impact of ADD to our lives. People either thinks that we are strange, stupid, or crazy. Nothing else. I made a post about how my boss react to my condition. I am not going to repeat on this post.

Perhaps this is the problem. Our disability is kind of hidden most of the time. I believe that we have different IQ. The problem is, our chemical imbalance affects how we use our talents.

I honestly hate to say it. I’ve been so stressed out with work over the last 10 years that I couldn’t enjoy my life at all. I am 39 years old and perhaps I’ve been out of practice. I am even having trouble finding a girlfriend!!!

It is a shame because I was never like this 10 years ago. This 10 years working full time have wear me out to a point where I am merely a human being who is barely living. This is the reason I am doing the best I can and reach out for help. Any source of help.

Ever since I find out about my ADD issue about 3 years ago, my self esteem have gone so low ever since I am aware of how I talk to others and HOW I FAIL when I talk.

I really hope that I can fix my problem because I am not sure how much longer I can hold it up for. I became a 39 years old lonely man……

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[starcat81]

My boyfriend and I are both ADD/ADHD and I honestly think that’s why we’ve been together for 5 years! We completely get what the other one is going through and can handle each other’s weirdness and quirks. It is hard sometimes to communicate with “normal” people, but I find “normal” people boring so I usually don’t find myself around them too often…haha I was out with my boyfriend’s aunt the other night and we were talking about our mental issues and realized that we seem to be drawn to others that have things similar to ourselves. It’s quite interesting to me, though, that my boyfriend’s mother’s side understands and accepts their mental issues and those in others but his father’s side doesn’t even though his grandpa and dad are ADD and his cousin has Autism and ADHD. I guess some people just don’t want to accept what’s going on in their lives.

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[Tiddler]

I’m out of synch with most people. My husband is ‘a bit aspie’ and my 2 best friends have dyspraxia and dyslexia and follow a similar chaotic pattern in their lives. We don’t need to spell it out for each other and we don’t have to tidy up for visits!

I tell everyone who cares to listen that I’ve got ADHD. I call my inability to keep things to myself my NUTS (No Unspoken Thought Syndrome.) Interestingly, people usually believe me and often say, ‘Oh, that happens to me all the time. I’ve probably got it too.’ And I think that’s really nice. People try to empathise and, although it probably means that they think I’m pathologising things that they can manage just fine, at least it’s kindess and that’ll do for me.

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[Anonymous]

The closest that I was able to find people who are like me are designers. Took me 8 years to actually find a designer GF. But my experience was kind of brutal though. From my point of view, she only listen to half of what I say and make conclusion. Plus she had a bad temper. Not sure if she is also ADD. But my self esteem got beat down very badly from this relationship.

She complained about me NOT saying the right thing at work.

She said that I was too energetic with …. sex (I think some ADDers are a little extreme with this topic. I happen to be the type with unlimited energy… Law of diminishing of return ….) Yeah, she said that I had issue with “addiction” and that I should see a doctor for that..

The only person who actually understands me 100% is a friend I met since I was 5 years old. No matter how fast I talk or how disorganize I am with my speech, he understands me. He is not living in Canada though. So I am pretty much all alone, trying to help myself. My family doctor is sending me to talk to a psychiatrist. But guess what? I don’t think he have an idea that there is a DIFFERENCE between a psychiatrist and a psychiatrist who UNDERSTANDS about ADHD.

So my prediction is, I will waste 2 months just for this one appointment. Fail, go look around for the right doctor with phone number and just ask my family doctor to sign it or make a phone call.

This is my life. If you are suffering from ADHD and if you at least have someone around you who can help you, you are very lucky.

I never thought that I am weird. But this is how I feel about how others look at me…

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[Anonymous]

I’m really good at being a “chameleon” and fitting in where I need to be. At least on the outside. On the inside, I definitely recognize that people sometimes just can’t keep up with me. I’ve always been “weird” (though I like being weird. Normal seems so boring.)

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[Anonymous]

My best friend is an ‘aspie’ who likes me because he says he always knows where he stands with me.

I am missing a verbal filter most of the time but he misses most social cues. Talk about made for each other!

I blurt things out and then he understands because I when I blurt…no beating around the bush so he ‘gets it’.

He doesn’t really notice my verbal gaffs most of the time or thinks they’re really funny!

Almost all of my friends are ADHD or ADD and we have a riot. The conversation flows naturally.

So why try to be unnatural to please others when you can be natural and stress-free with the right friends??

I just like hanging with people who are like me, and I think the same goes for everyone. We all want to be with folks we feel comfortable and relaxed with, don’t we?

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[billd]

well said merrymac!

I don’t have the verbal filter at all, and I insist any friends or co-workers are always straight with me. Like I tell them, if I mess up, tell me straight up – and soon. Don’t stew, don’t assume, don’t guess. Talk it out.

I also miss social cues. Had I not been so bad at that, I’m afraid I’d have had a dozen girlfriends in highschool and gone to a lot of dances, instead of 1……….. looking back, I now realize what they were doing, what they were saying, and all those times that they were really hinting that they wanted ME to take them to whatever event……….

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[allan wallace]

I’ve not had any contact with ADHD types, in real life or online, so I have no idea. Or, if I have I haven’t been aware of it. I do prefer online contact as it’s less vexatious, and I’m much less likely to offend somebody by something that I say or do, or don’t say or don’t do…sadly I find most people terminally boring, and the moment some imbecile begins to drone on in a monotone about his or her job is the moment that I’m looking to escape their clutches. I much prefer to just sit on the periphery and observe people. It is as fascinating as it is nauseating, and I quite enjoy being regarded as the halfwit not worth talking to! 😆

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[allan wallace]

Whilst out enjoying my morning ciggy and cup of tea surfing a variety of thoughts, one piqued my interest and amused me for a few minutes: imagine an ADHD nation! Or, at least an indepedent ADHD community! The only pre-requisite for admission was the dreaded ADHD! It would be interesting if nothing else, no?

This utopian refuge would have no clocks. No hassles. No bores. No robots. No bureaucrats. If rules were deemed necessary they would be by consensus. We’d not abide by dreary superfluous statutory nonsense, and we’d rally to help one another when the need arose without seeking recognition or glory. There would be no judgement or hatred. No condemnation, just acceptance for how one is…we’d be able to edify one another to such an extent that we’d be confident enough to commute to the nearest robotic community and participate in their exchange of filthy lucre for effort program if we had the inclination…if not, we’d spend the days in idyllic bliss following our whims without feeling shame or guilt!

My most recent job lasted 4 days. I could not abide the bellowing oaf that was my supervisor, and we clashed from our first meeting. I could not yield to this stentorian imbecilic grunting primate, and despite my best efforts I was unable to prevent provoking him with with well directed conveyances of contempt. I resented the way that he spoke disparagingly to everybody, so there was a degree of inevitability that we’d have a bit of a showdown…I’d got myself so annoyed with this gorilla that I was fantasising about which of my fists would land the first blow, and I relished imagining giving the great lump of crap a few kicks once I’d knocked him to the ground…I told them to stick that job up the rectal passage of the aforementioned grunting troglodyte, and that I’d try and see my final day out before being subjected to a hasty round of meetings etc.etc. In the end I left around lunchtime, said my farewells to my fellow danglers at the bottom of the food chain there, and with a merry heart I left! The other guys were pleased that I’d stood up to this dimwit, and even though I wish the guys well I don’t understand how they can tolerate being treated with such overt blatant naked contempt. I hope that things improve for them anyway… 🙂

How good would it be though to have an ADHD village, eh? Imagine the laughter! It’d be a hoot wouldn’t it? It’d be like being on a school camp or something for as long as one wanted to stay there! Friendly robust debate, no rancour, no lingering resentment! Is it just me or do you guys find it very easy to let things slide? I don’t nurture grudges. Even if I’ve been wronged, if I see a willingness to forgive and forget I can easily do it too, and the matter is soon forgotten!

Hmmm, still quite early here. Time for another cup of tea and ciggy!

Allan 🙂

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[Robbo]

lol, thanks for the account of your attempt at being among the employed. Good and fun reading man!.

 

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[allan wallace]

G’day Robbo! Thanks mate, it was an amusing interlude while it lasted! Next! *yawn* Robots and ADD’ers just aren’t a ‘good fit’, eh? Ah well, it wasn’t the first job that didn’t have a happy ending, and I suspect that it won’t be the last. I couldn’t even hazard a vaguely accurate guess at how many different jobs that I’ve had over the years…would almost certainly run into the hundreds, and that’s no exaggeration! *yawn* Bored with that topic now…how have you been Robbo? Making any progress? I’ll have to fire an email off to you one of these years lol

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[Author]

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