Do you feel like a dissapointment?

[Anonymous]

Who is “Dr. Aman’s”?

Tea: Thank you for your post. Barbara is very poisonous to me. My doctor said the same thing. Avoidance!

As of 2011, I am not keeping in touch with Barbara at all. I do see my true sister Debbie occasionaly, but it is not the same. Debbie used to be my best friend. She traded Barbara for me and unfortunately she agrees with Barbara.

I have always heard a saying that a mother holds the family together. This is so true. Friendships are very hard for me. I have one good friend. We met at a piano class at a local college. I played as a child and now I am getting back in the swing of things.

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[billd]

I guess I’ve neve felt like a disappointment. Sure there are things I wish i’d done differently, or better, or other choices I would have made, but I think that’s normal for anyone. I’d wager even those we view as huge successes (at least in our eyes) have had those feelings, whether they would ever admit it or not.

I was told all through school all the typical things ADD people here about trying harder, working at it, can do it if they want to, that sort of thing. Oddly enough, the majority of the time it never bothered me. It really only hit home when I was going through the scrap book our mother gave each of us – which contained all of our reports cards from school. I saw it in writing, over and over, and thought back at how I must have seemed, etc.

Yes, Tea – I agree. I guess maybe part of my coping is my humor, laughing so much, enjoying fun things.

For the most part I like myself.

I thought that what I heard and was told was bad – I mean all that stuff we were told about not being smart, or not trying or applying myself and so on was bad, until I met my wife………..

Her childhood had some real hell in it – from her own mother. Get this – as a teen girl she was putting make-up on in the bathroom and her mother asked her why she was “putting that stuff on” – and told her “you look pretty enough, it’s what’s inside I don’t like”.

She basically received no love as a child except from grandparents and aunts. Her father was good to her, but her mother pretty much made it clear she didn’t like her. She was riding one day with a friend and had an accident – fell off the horse onto her back. Her mother didn’t want to spend or waste the money on a doctor, so nothing was done. We’ve this year figured out why she has so much back pain and troubles with her back and shoulders. A recent x-ray revieled a VERY off-set spine. The doctor asked her if she’d ever been in an accident. She at first thought, never -then remembered that time, and how her mother didn’t see any reason to bother with going to a doctor. Her spine has been like that since then.

Barbara was born with an obvious handicap – she was born with 3 fingers on each hand, no thumbs, and her right arm is only about 2/3 normal length with no working elbow. Her left elbow won’t straighten all the way. She’s compensated fine – in part due to necessity – being forced to as her mother never cut her a break on anything. She’s amazing – sews high quality quilts, runs a long-arm quilting machine putting out award-winning work, can type 100 words a minute with basically just 4 fingers- since the fingers on her right hand don’t work very well at all. Her mother made it quite clear that she was a disappointment……….. and when I think of her life, her accomplishments, what she can do, and how she deals with it – she’s a role model for me.

We were at a retirement party many years ago for a co-worker of hers. (I’ve only know her a couple of years). A fellow was doing sing-alongs with a guitar, and did the Hokey-Pokey song. He did a verse about putting your right thumb in and so on – Barbara piped right up in the middle of it all with “what if you don’t have any thumbs”. The room went totally silent. The fellow on guitar was normally a very talkative party animal – he was speechless. Finally someone else spoke up and said “this is the first time we’ve evern seen so and so speechless”. Laughter all around. He continued – “ok, anyone else missing any body parts I should be aware of”?

What an attitude she has.

In some ways, our ADHD is a disability – it’s legally and medically considered one in the states. our attitude about it can impact not only our lives, but those around us, too.

We are only a disappointment if we give up – and allow ourselves to become one.

It’s not easy depending on the type or severity of ADD you have. Like Tea says, some types are very sensative to what others say about us, others don’t care much. Realizing which it is, and working with it accordingly…………………………………….

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