Frustrated with Boyfriend

[crazymedic]

I am 32 and was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 7-8 years old. I have difficulty with picking up after myself, forgetting things frequently, running off to do something more interesting than whatever i should be doing. It doesn’t help that he is a neat freak and expects everything to literally be picture perfect. I am really trying to be as clean as possible and i am good for a couple days but inevitably slip back down below his standards of clean (i also am on meds for adhd and a vitamin regimen that does seem to help, i am not as bad as i once was). Trying to explain to him that i have trouble with being neat and tidy seems to fall on deaf ears. i did have him sit down and watch ADD and loving it, but it didn’t seem to do any good. Is he actually right and i am just using it as an excuse? Or am i just not able to be as good at neatness as him? What do i do?

REPORT ABUSE

[Curlymoe115]

If you are trying your best and not meeting his expectations and even having explained things and showing him the video he is still judgmental maybe it is time to separate your households. If you don’t live together, don’t invite him over. Go to his house, then try to remember to put your dishes in the dishwasher and pick up after yourself for the few minutes you are together. Date, go out, have fun. It keeps the relationship fresh and the arguing to a minimum. If he is having trouble accepting you now just imagine how much worse it would be if you had children and you added another mess maker or two to the picture.

For yourself (not him) if it really bothers you, you could try to make a system that works. There are lots of sites on housekeeping tips. Try to keep all clothes in the bedroom area, if you have a dishwasher make sure you load it every night before you go to bed. Take out your garbage and recyclables every day. Rinse down the shower at the end, put your laundry in a hamper that is kept in your bedroom. Get a box for the living room (or a couple) and anything that you find that doesn’t belong there goes in the box, then at the end of the night you take it back to your room. One thing in, one thing out. Or you could hire a cleaning service to come in. Of course they only vacuum, sweep and tidy after you have decluttered and cleaned it up. So it is an incentive when you know they are coming to clean it up. Good luck.

REPORT ABUSE

[Outoftune]

Oh boy do I ever know how you feel! My husband gets sooo frustrated with my housework allergy lol and despite all my best efforts I either end up leaving piles and piles accumulate or spend all day and night cleaning in a manic state with out eating, sleeping or taking a breath. PLEASE DON’T let yourself feel guilty about it. I know that before I knew about ADD when I would see a pile of clothes on the floor it bascially had aneon sign on it saying Sherri is a lazy piece of crap and a faliure as a wife and a person flashing on and off. Try to remember that alot of the negative feelings about yourself regarding this actually come from your own mind and the fact that he is expressing his frustration doesn’t necessarily mean that he thinks anything negative about you. Wow this is so much easier to tell someone else than to do your self. I need to start listening to my own advice lol

One thing I’m thinking of trying is putting on my fave music and working on it together chatting as we go. I think the worst for me is trying to do it alone and in silence as this gives my noisy brain the chance to distract me and also to get me down.

REPORT ABUSE

[crazymedic]

good ideas. thank you.

REPORT ABUSE

[Author]

Posts