Worst advice – and from a therapist, no less.

[Anonymous]

recently Ive been seeing a pyschologist for my recent suicide attempt, was told 2 times that we will get your ADD dealt with the next appointment, then the last appt I had with him he put me on anti-depressants. Which btw he had a list of at least 12 different types of Anti-depressants that I’ve tried in the past 10 years… So I became extremely angry and fustrated with him and explained why I don’t think its going to help and why can’t I just start taking the ADD meds so I can focus on all my other issues that are CLEARLY due to my untreated ADD???!!! he said ITS A PROCESS, and that ADD meds could make it worse , it being DEPRESSION. So I sat there, tried to stop crying and calm myself down, and asked well if it were to make the depression worse, then your saying that the ADD isn’t the issue, and thats why Im coming to you in the first place, he then said, no you are coming to me for a whole lot of reasons, and ADD being one of them, and its a rock that we have to chip away at and the ADD is the core…. so layer by layer being chipped away at means taking anti-depressants that will change in either the dosage or the type of medication, I am still extremely fustrated with this dr but it took me 3 months to get in and seen him 4 times in nearly 2 1/2 months and will start seeing him weekly from there on out for the next 3 months. He did say at the end of our last appt that the ADD will be addressed within a MONTH!!! a month mind you, is 30 days. thats another 30 days of feeling inadequate, 30 days of missed appts, or showing up late to appts for me or my kids, 30 days of hoping I get my kids to school on time, 30 days of being told to try harder, whats wrong with you, god your such a procrastinator, your lazy, if you really cared about your family you’d change your behavior and be better at being a mom.. which btw is the WORST thing I’ve ever been told. I hope, I really truely hope that my Adult ADD will finally be dealt with. And Im counting down the 30 days and hoping that I don’t get told that at the 30th day that we will address the ADD the next appt.. I feel like Im a drug seeker, when I ask and plead for treament for my ADD, Does anyone else feel or felt that way when newly diagnosed or realized its Adult ADD and not just something broke within you?? I sure would love to feel like Im apart of this life, not just a bystander who is watching the world go by.

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[Anonymous]

I so totally hear you,

I saw my family doctor for 18 years figured she knew me enough to really know me and all my issues!! I could not have been more wrong, being diagnosed and treated for Depression for years, every time I saw her she would either change the med or up the dose, at one point she had me on pain killers, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills, really hello!!! How could she have possibly not seen it????? I was starting to feel like a hypochondriac every time I went to see her!

I finally took myself off everything,= (I don’t advise doing this without stepping down) but realized I did not need to feel more foggy and well….drugged!!

A few years go by, I am exercising, taking probiotics as my system was so depleted it couldn’t fight anything off anymore,feeling good most of the time, job is going ok, kids, house just barely keeping it together as per usual when I start to feel myself slipping again and the cycle seems to start again, lost job, sleep lots, depressy mood, fear of going out etc. etc. I watched add and loving it and a light bulb went off!!! I just knew I was add, I felt so suicidal I finally called my local mental heath center, I was made a speedy appt. due to the suicidal thoughts, after filling out endless questionnaires, sitting for 1/2 an hour while the psychiatrist looked at them, then answering many many questions about my past and present, he started to ask me adhd related questions, another light bulb went off!! He then says to me, I knew 5 mins after you started talking that you had ADHD I just wanted to make sure I had all the proper information lol!!! I was in the office for 3 hours!!!!!!

My opinion if its not working find someone else who believes you, you are not crazy, you know your body and yourself find someone who can help to support the diagnosis you know in your heart is right!!!

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[lou2]

I really like this forum/group.  While it is nice to be supportive and upbeat, I also think it is useful to tell the difficult and hurtful parts of our story.  I did want to respond to individual postings but wasn’t sure how to do that.  Suffice to say… I hear all of you who have been given insensitive and wrong advice from those we sought help from.

We are the vulnerable ones, yet we have to be so strong to fight for our best interests.  It can be exhausting.  Koodos to you all for finding your path, or working so diligently towards it.

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[blackdog]

@lou2 – Welcome to TADD. 🙂

There is no way to really respond directly to individual posts. But if you put the @ symbol in front of the user name of the person they will know that you mentioned them. Also, you have the option to send private messages to individuals. To know when someone mentioned you, look at the top of the screen on the right side, where it says “Howdy lou2”.  You will see a little circle with a number in it. When you have a mention or a message it will turn blue and the number will change.

I totally agree that having a place to vent our frustrations to people who will understand is extremely helpful. And you will find that everyone here is very supportive, so don’t be shy.

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[jojosephine]

I had been misdiagnosed for years. I have a psychiatrists who has prescribed the meds. But I want to find a psychologist who specializes in Adult ADD.

PLEASE if anyone know of any in the York Region area of Ontario please let me know. I really don’t want to travel to Toronto or Barrie. Especially because I want to ask some people to join me for a session. I need someone to talk to and more importantly I feel like I need to have a session with the people who are closest to me so they can hear everything from a third party (mom, sister, husband).

I feel like i have done soooo much research, I know more that most psychologist who don’t know much about ADHD.

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[blackdog]

@jojosephine

There is a website for the College of Psychologists of Ontario. http://www.cpo.on.ca You can search for psychologists in North York and then check to see if any of them specialize in ADHD.

Your best bet might be to start with the Department of Psychology at York University. Younger psychologists and those in the education field will have more up to date knowledge about ADHD.

I know exactly how you feel. I think I know more than my family doctor about practically everything. And I certainly know more about ADHD than any of the psychiatrists I have seen. I wish I could afford to go to a psychologist but I can’t right now.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Jojosephine, another way to find a psychologist who specializes in Adult ADHD, is to use the “Coach Directory” (http://totallyadd.com/coaching-directory-search/), to find Coaches in your area.  Call a couple of them, and ask if they know of anyone.

Just be aware that there’s a huge shortage of ADHD specialists, let alone Adult ADHD specialists, so you may have to shlep into Toronto or Barrie.

If, like me, you rely on public transit, Toronto might be a better bet for you than Barrie.  I go to the Springboard Clinic, which is just a couple of minutes’ walk north on Yonge St., from Rosedale subway station.  As with most ADHD clinics, most of their clients are children, but they’re seeing more adults, as awareness of Adult ADHD increases.

You could also try contacting the Learning Disabilities Association of Peterborough (http://www.ldaptbo.com).  They might be able to recommend someone in York Region.

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[jojosephine]

Thanks I have some coverage $500 per year allocated for psychologist or therapist. so I would like to see a psychologist (since coaches aren’t covered-they really should be)

I would like to go back to school and become a psychologist (specializing in ADHD-specifically Adult). I also believe there are still a lot of adults out there suffering with addictions and other impairments that aren’t diagnose and/or treated, that don’t understand that they can increase the quality of life. If I could get my degrees on line I would in a heartbeat.

 

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[blackdog]

It’s great that you have coverage for a psychologist, even if it isn’t quite enough to cover the full amount. At least it will help some.

It would be nice to be able to get your degree online. But I think for some courses, like psychology, you really wouldn’t get the same value from studying at home that you do from being in a classroom and interacting with people. Maybe there are some courses you could take online to get started though, earn a few credits ahead of time?

I was also thinking of studying psychology at one time. But then I had a breakdown and slept for about 8 years. 🙂

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[sdwa]

Be careful with the psychologists. Even if they say they work with people who have ADHD, that doesn’t mean they’re good at it or have a clue.

I saw this therapist once who supposedly worked with ADHDers, and she accused me of “wanting a parent.” What a load of *(&^%!! I still can’t believe she said that to me. It was so incredibly ignorant and offensive. Like, no – I have ADHD….MORON. There’s no shortage. Be careful about who you pay money to. Too many incompetent people out there charge exorbitant amounts of money to give TERRIBLE advice. Total mind-blowing idiocy. Just saying. And it’s crummy when you need help, and you’re in a vulnerable position emotionally and maybe financially, and you end up seeing these total jackass loser morons and can’t figure out how they ever graduated with a degree in anything because they have absolutely no concept of what ADHD is or does. I’d be a better therapist to someone with ADHD than half the idiots I’ve seen, without any training. God, I hate those people.

In case you were wondering how I really feel.

It would be nice if there were some reliable criteria for screening these idiots ahead of time.

I’d put more faith in a coach.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Sdwa, there is a way to “screen these idiots ahead of time”.

Just ask if they have their PAAC (Professional Association of ADHD Coaches) and ICF (International Coach Federation) certifications. Especially the PAAC.

Many psychologists also offer coaching. My Coach is also a psychologist, so I get the best of both worlds. And I see her in her office at an ADHD clinic, so I KNOW she’s up on the latest information and techniques.

You should always check if a potential Coach is credentialled, because, currently, ANYONE can call themself a Coach, even with no credentials at all. But that’s changing.

As far as I know, ADDCA is the only place where you can get training specifically in ADHD Coaching. You learn the same coaching principles and techniques as in any other legitimate coach-training program, but you also learn the specific principles & techniques that are unique to ADHD Coaching. It’s accredited by the ICF and the PAAC, and the standards are very high.

Even so, your relationship with a Coach depends on how well you “click” with him/her. If it’s not working out, try a different Coach. And remember, a Coach can help you to see the way, but it’s up to you whether or not you follow that path through to the end you seek.

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[sdwa]

@Larynxa:

The comment about how it’s up to me whether or not I follow through comes across as accusative and condescending. It is not cool to lecture me or to question my sincerity. You don’t know me. Don’t make assumptions.

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[blackdog]

I probably already posted some of this but it’s appropriate to post it here.

The last psychiatrist I saw in August was a complete idiot. I walked into his office and sat down and he immediately threw a note pad on his desk and started asking questions. He just rhymed them off one after another, barely giving me time to answer. They were all diagnostic questions for depression.

When he was finished with those he lectured me a little about my weight, suggested a diet. Then lectured me some more about losing my job for being late and told me if his secretary was late all the time he’d fire her too.

Then he asked if there were any questions. I said “What about ADD” because I had been expecting him to assess me for that. He said “What makes you think you have ADD?” Not expecting the question, I stumbled a little and said “Well, I have trouble concentrating and remembering things…”

He cut me off right there and said “Depression causes all of that.” He then went on to tell me that I can’t have ADD because I graduated from high school and people with ADD usually don’t do well in school.

When I tried to mention my history he waved his hand at me and told me none of that matters and that it’s all wrong anyway because we don’t remember things the way they really happened.

And he started lecturing me about how it’s possible to change and he knows it is from his own life, how he was badly abused and all sorts of other things. And then he went on to use another patient as an example, telling me all about how she turned her life around at the age of 64 after seeing him and came back to thank him for it.

He finished by telling me how I should be happy because I was lucky enough to be born in a country like Canada.

And then he dismissed me. Just said “Goodbye” and turned his chair around so that his back was to me. The whole appointment lasted less than 20 minutes.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Sdwa, I did not mean “you” personally.  I meant “you” as in “everyone who’s reading this post in this forum”.

I suppose I could have said, “It’s up to the client…”, but that sounds really cold to me—as if it’s purely a business transaction.

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[sdwa]

@Larynxa:

OK. Sorry. Touchy subject. Obviously.

I have a hard time understanding how, if we’re impaired, we’re supposed to be so great at maximizing any “helping professional”‘s (oxymoron) contributions – the popular “wisdom” on the subject seems to be  They expect to have it both ways. We’re impaired – yet we’re supposed to be able to solve our own problems. We’re broken and defective – yet we’re supposed to “get serious” about our ADHD – and if we can’t fix it, that proves we’re not “serious.” I’ve lost patience for any form of ADHD-related moralizing, which is so phenomenally beyond ignorant it makes my head explode. And yet, it continues.

Plus, my guess is that a lot of us don’t know what we want, don’t know what kind of help we need, don’t know how to identify the problem…let alone a hint of what might be a solution. A coach who can’t help sort that out is not going to be very useful.

@blackdog

I hate my HMO, but they insist on a reason from the “patient” for any doctor visit. It’s a good catch for preparing ahead of time – knowing what I’m going in for. I hate being caught off guard, and can totally relate to your experience – not expecting the question  – I’m bad at improvisation – having the doctor run roughshod over the whole session, leave without getting what I came for – the whole nine yards. That’s part of why I’ve quit seeing doctors. It never works out to my benefit.

Like all bureaucracies, my HMO exists to perpetuate itself at the expense of the people they are supposed to serve. But that would be a different topic.

My psychiatrist is actually pretty cool – but that was just plain luck – an accident, a fluke, a bubble in the space-time continuum. Maybe it’s a numbers game – keep trying, don’t expect much, prepare in advance for all of the potentially idiotic things they are likely to say and come up with a response for each one. I have yet to master getting what I want or need out of working with these people. (Also, I’ve given up, because the stuff I’ve tried doesn’t work – and I’m not taking the blame for that, I think that is total B.S., and would suggest that anyone who gets that message reject it immediately).  But it seems like eventually someone decent would turn up, for the simple reason they can’t all be terrible. (There is one who isn’t – must be others – ?)

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