[chikkaccino]

I’m writing her off because she’s a total whack job. She has no kids, telling me how to raise mine, and she’s my age still living with her parents. I looked up her court records for giggles, and there’s at least 20 entries for her listed as “defendant” — it’s easier to tell other people how to solve their problems rather than work on their own.

Early intervention and different therapies have been key to their current and future outcome. I noticed problems around 10 months and had them tested and diagnosed before they were 2.

I went medication free and almost ultimately flunked out of school. I missed a lot of the concepts taught. I had to work extremely hard just to graduate. I’ve volunteered in my son’s class and saw how distracted he was. I didn’t want that happening to him too. Luckily, he’s a likable kid, lots of friends, and a lot more outgoing than I was. But he was also acting without thinking, even for a split second, and getting himself hurt.

The only negative medicating him is his weight loss. It was pretty dramatic. Weekends and school breaks he’s med-free to gain back some weight. This summer he’ll be off of them most of the time to recuperate.

I decided to seek help when the anxiety started setting in again, there’s so much to do, and I get overwhelmed as to where to start first. I lose things left and right. I go to the store to buy ONE thing, come home with 20 items, but not the item I went to the store to buy in the first place. In meetings with their teachers I’ve been zoning out, missing parts of the conversation, and they’re important. The ADHD son is making so many friends, and that means I’ll have to deal with the parents of those friends. I don’t socialize much because I ramble and get funny looks. 🙂

Today is only the first day, and it’s been an improvement. I would have been wandering around the house, wondering what to do first… for six hours. I’ve already been to the store for what I actually needed, managed to get the living room cleaned, gathered up the laundry, and still have time for myself before the kids come home.

My husband knows I went to the psychiatrist, doesn’t know what for, doesn’t know the diagnosis, doesn’t know what medication. I think he’ll be supportive, especially since he was supportive of helping our son, and if he sees a significant improvement in my mood and what I can accomplish.

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[chikkaccino]

Definitely going to stick around. Though I have a few friends that I also know have ADHD, there are still some people that don’t think it’s a real condition. One “friend” upset me greatly when she said I should “leave my autistic son alone” and you knows, just let him be him instead of getting him therapy. And that I shouldn’t medicate my ADHD son. I’m just not going to bother with her anymore, and deleted her from my existence.  I just got his report card a few days ago, and he’s SIGNIFICANTLY improved on his grades. His reading has gone up, his math scores are maxed, his “life and citizenship skills” have dramatically improved. Teacher is happy, I am happy, and most importantly — he’s happy. I don’t want him to have to suffer and be punished for who he just is. I don’t want him to suffer the depression and anxiety that comes along with the condition. I got him help as soon as I possibly could.

But I also realized I needed help myself. The psychiatrist noticed I had a lot of emotional ties behind my responses, and I do. It’s all been out of frustration. I’m angry that I’ve had to struggle all this time. Being more aware of what I have (especially after doing lots of research) I have a better understanding of what I can do in the future. I’ve always gone to doctors with different pieces of the puzzle, but it wasn’t until I was concerned about my son that I could put the pieces together for myself.

I’m not telling my husband what I have. I’m not telling him what drug I’m taking. I want to see how HE sees me after a month to see if he sees the same difference in me that I do.

Today I actually have some relief though. And even though I’m not depressed, suddenly there seems to be a lot more hope.

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[chikkaccino]

Just an update.

Visited the psychiatrist today. He took one look at my old report cards, and immediately assumed that I’ve been diagnosed before. I told him I wasn’t, ADHD didn’t exist as a condition when I was a kid.

Starting on Ritalin IR and working my way through there. I always knew something was wrong with me and my faulty memory, my constant not sleeping at night, my foot tapping, my impulsive behavior, and now I’ve got a name for it. ADHD combined type.

And now I know what I need to work on and I’m finally getting help after all these years.

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[chikkaccino]

From what I’ve read, it’s hereditary, and as I said, my son’s symptoms are everything I experienced. Minus the running. I don’t remember doing that much.

I’m going in for an assessment because general practitioners only treat what they see and possibly what the patient sees. I never knew about ADHD much until I went to get my  son diagnosed, and saw everything I’ve lived with. And then, I see the depression/anxiety issues others have dealt with. The forgetfulness thing never came up before because I’ve been able to cope and compensate. Keys by the door. Shoes by the door or outside my closet. Cell phone on 1 of 2 chargers or by computer. Purse in my room in the same spot. I use my to-do lists and cell phone calendar religiously.  Eye glasses by the bed. But I have 2 little beings constantly distracting me, often talking over top of each other, with stuff going on in the background, and I find myself dropping the ball more and more.

Childhood I daydreamed. A LOT. As I got older though, the daydreams turned into zoning out. Not fun in the middle of an important meeting about my kids future at school, I’m looking directly at the teacher, and I hear her words but they’re not processing in my head. Or talking with the school social worker for an interview about my kids, and I notice a mug that looks like my favorite one that you can’t get anymore sitting on his shelf and blurt it out.

This one seems to specialize in childhood ADHD, I didn’t pick him, it’s a practice, but he sees adults too.

I’m not really hoping for a diagnosis of ADHD, but to me, it sure as hell makes a lot more sense than depression/anxiety bouts over the years. I go without it for a very long time until I get stressed. Then I get anxious. And my mind starts to declare war on me by withholding information I need, the routines start falling apart, and in the end, so do I.

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