[luffycat]

I was a pastors kid growing up- I was exhausted with prayer/adult meetings. All I wanted to do was play with the other kids, but under the strict care of my father I couldn’t. I was a goody kid in front of others, but completely evil inside. I hid behind an innocent face.

Later in life, God would reveal himself to me – and I would search , and I would most definitely find.

Since we are on the topic of religion, especially a Christian one , I will drop my two cents here.By no means am I a perfect creature- or have any judgement against anyone else, how can I? But I would love to paint a picture of what I have learned through my walk with the Lord.

Christ came to get rid of said religion. He never opened a synagogue, filled the seats, asked for offering, and never did he set rules that weren’t already established by nature/conscience. He said these laws were already written on our hearts- your conscience either excusing you, or condemning you. So even before the law existed, we had it in our hearts- and were practicing it, or breaking it.

Christ’s mission was to save us all- from death. For we were all spiritually dead the moment we disconnected from the life source, which was from the life giver, the creator, God. Without the source, all living things are merely in the state of decay. We only look like we are living – but really we are dying. Like a rose cut from the stem- it keeps its beauty and color for a while, but the moment it was cut, it died.

So Christ came down to this earth – and came to give his life for ours. It all seems crazy when you think Christ came to die for trillions of people throughout history – but the reality is, he died for only one man. Adam. Because Adam sinned against God, Adam deserved death. But Christ who is the Second Adam , died for Adam. So the righteous died for the sinner. We all come from Adam- so if the first fruit is clean, so are the rest.

Religion as many say is man-made. A way to box in the creator into the image of man – but the truth is Christ came not to form rules and regulations around him, but to give us freedom to come directly to the Father , as sons and daughters. Not to be afraid of the debt we think we still carry. No , that debt was paid. Its the lie in us that brings fear, and doubt, faithlessness – we are afraid we won’t be accepted, there are too many obstacles in the way – No, the path is clear, but narrow- and God has always been waiting for his children to open their eyes and see. That God always loved you, always saw light in you, and forgave you even before you were born – all you need to do is wake up to the truth. Like a baby first learning to crawl, once you hear the truth – see the truth, you begin to take your first steps, and one day you will say Abba, father- filled with the holy spirit, and life. And as you mature you learn to walk close with God- and others, your brothers and sisters. And when you finally cross the river jordan, and you take your last breath- Life will only just begin , for eternity awaits.

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[luffycat]

My Gawd… reading y’all’s post was like peering into my own soul. For the longest time, people just wouldn’t understand me- I felt like a chameleon , realllly good at blending in, but really playing a role. I’d get so proficient at playing a role, It was like I adopted whatever I was playing. It was me, but not really me. When I went home- and I can be myself, my true self comes out- and it is NOTHING like what I portray to the world. I’ve learn to keep my true self hidden, mainly because I don’t quite know who I am. And hearing someone talk about me is bone shatteringly scary- because it will haunt me for years, and years… dissecting everything they said. S
I find in me a genius – just wanting to escape – but he is stuck in a maze, and rarely gets to see the light of day. Like the posters brother, I too have many hobbies, skills and talents that are far superior than your average layman- but my frustration comes from the fact that I can never focus on it enough to become GREAT. And Great is what I ALWAYS want to be. I want to be a GREAT pianist – but I can only be good… because no matter how much I try , and put my effort into it- I always end up playing whatever I want, playing whatever I feel like… and before long I’ve built a habit, and I’m stuck. Then that focus goes away from that particular skill, and moves onto the next thing I love- like art. Than I’d spend hours, and days – obsessing over how to draw the human form, memorizing things I’ll barely remember. Now I just consider it seasons… I only get enough focus per season, per skill… and it comes in a rotation, that is not really predictable- but when it comes, i’m on it-and I learn what I can , when I can, and luckily I’ve made improvements. Its like giving my brain some time to rest for a few months really help. Most of the time though I find myself doing absolutely nothing. I just want to play games, and watch youtube videos- learn some new thing, and have all these creative ideas, and desires- only to be completely bored of it, or doubtful the next. I get these STRONG feelings of excitement, a new business idea, new game idea, new clever contraptions , etc etc etc… endless ideas, good and bad . Its so effing exhausting. I just want it to stop sometimes… I wish I can just pick one, just one. And just ROLL with that one, until I master it. But nope… its like bird feed, a little here, a gulp there- a massive cake here. Its so extreme, and intense – either for the good or for the bad. When its good, holy smokes, Its good- I’m on it, I’m a genius, I’m the best there is! When its not… I’m suuuuuuch a loser, such a dumbass, rooms is in chaos with trash, and clothes everywhere. Sigh… just sigh. Sigh everyday. Most of all,people just don’t understand what I’m feeling. I know the difference between laziness, and something holding you down and wrestling you to the ground. I’m so tired guys… so tired.

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[luffycat]

I feel you. I have adhd- and my sex drive is extremely high. Its most likely due to hyper focus- as sex is something most people enjoy, its easy to focus on it – and really go to town with it haha. However, you can’t expect that same focus from your spouse… she/he does not have that same focus. It doesn’t mean they don’t want you , or love you – or crave you.

But I understand why you might feel rejected- I feel the same way alot of the time. It always feels directed at you, and your worth huh? It can be the smallest thing, but it feels like the world at that moment. You get into the FINE! mode. But when you really think about it… give your spouse a break. They might be exhausted, sore, needs time to recharge. For ADHD people, its easy to recharge for the things you love to do – but extremeeeeeely difficult to recharge on stuff you can’t focus on. But they are kind to you and understand, so we ought to do the same, even if it seems hurtful at the time.

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