[munchkin]

This is just my own personal experience – I’m no professional… but I went through that at your son’s age. At that age, for some reason, I just couldn’t accept my family’s redirection anymore… It suddenly became patronizing or somehow de-validating to be herded into another activity or soothed in a way that wouldn’t be done for other family members… I would find it humiliating, despite their best intentions to be nice about it. I went through several very hard years while I learned how to redirect myself out of these meltdowns. I’ve always wondered if there could have been an easier way – I don’t know. I had to learn how to self manage, and there might not be any way around that.

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[munchkin]

I had a psychologist appointment last week, and I don’t think I made any progress. He seemed to think I “could” have ADHD, voiced doubt that medications work, and wanted to talk about my possible rebellious nature… 😡 no real diagnosis, no serious scientific assessment. I think I learned that you have to really know what your expectations are and ask for that up front, or you may end up wasting time and money on appointments with the wrong people…

Question: What does an assessment for ADHD consist of, and how do I know if I’m getting the right thing?

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[munchkin]

Thanks – it really did help things that I didn’t do the whole blab thing. So – now I think I may have picked the wrong doc, although he was a super nice guy. I didn’t feel he asked the right questions, and he started getting into this whole thing about me being a rebellious person, and that I should pursue the Thyroid angle (even though I had explained that I had done that, with no improvement with my attention symptoms…) No assessment was done, or discussed, even though that’s what I requested in our initial phone call. Yet… I made another appointment, and now I’m trying to decide whether to keep it, or just move on and try someone else. So much for wanting a doc that isn’t swayed toward adult adhd. Now I’m thinking that’s the only kind that’s going to “get it.” I’m feeling lost…

If anyone has any insight into why or why not to continue with this doc, I would be very interested. Thanks!

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[munchkin]

Thanks so much Jenetically – what I really needed to think about was the whole blabber thing. I have managed to research doctors and have an appointment for tomorrow – and haven’t bugged ANYONE about it (except you 😆 ) Seriously – I can think of at least 3-4 interactions I’ve had in the last couple days where I normally would have spilled my guts all over people, but I made a conscious decision not to do that. So, now I have an appointment tomorrow – and I can picture how it would normally be – I would have bugged everyone around me, I would have been going over and over in my mind about what I said to them and how inappropriate it was to do that, and would be a nervous wreck. Now I just feel anticipation, slightly emotional, but generally having a decent evening, doing my normal routine. I think my husband overheard me making the appt, but I did go in another room behind closed doors to do it. He hasn’t said a thing, and neither have I, and it’s all kosher. It’s like, I’ve done the same pattern so many times, I don’t even see it anymore. I think I even blame other people for not being understanding or supportive, when really the drama was just a bit self created. I feel better right now because I don’t need their support because I’m OK. Wish me luck 🙄

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[munchkin]

Gettingthere – if someone did a records review on me, I would be in BIG trouble. I have boxes of incomplete paperwork sitting in my office right now. I’ve had similary experiences, and I know it seems depressing, and it makes it hard to feel the pride and satisfaction in your job when something like this happens, but what has actually changed? You are still as good as you ever were – the problems are just out in the open now. You are still great, you just have more pressure to improve now. Since you are going to this counselor, you now have more support than you did when everything got so behind. I’m new to this forum myself, and just learning, but I am really starting to believe that getting diagnosis and treatment have made a HUGE difference for people. Let us know what happens! Good Luck!

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[munchkin]

Most businesses are NOT set up to help us figure out how we can best be productive. They hire us to produce results, and when our “behavior” compromises those results, or distracts others and compromises their results, our value as an employee goes down. The cause is irrelevent to them. In the state where I live, you do not need a specific reason to fire someone, and there are plenty of other candidates out there who they can try out, rather than try to make it work with me. If you want accomodations (which means you get to work differently than others or have special tools, etc), you have to figure out for yourself what might help, and it can’t be very much of a burden on the company or they will just say it’s an “undue hardship” which gets them off the hook. (in the US) I think telling your employer you have ADD will only be helpful if they already think you are an asset and it is information they can act on to optimize your contribution. If they see you as marginal, their prejudices and myths about ADD may very well cause them to think it’s hopeless, and they won’t want to invest any more time and energy into you. Risky… If knowing you have ADD doesn’t make any difference to them, then it might seem kind of unprofessional to discuss it a work – it’s sort of private… Anyway – you can improve yourself without saying anything often times. Let the results speak for themselves! Start doing what YOU can do and stop focusing on whether or not anyone gets it. YOU get it – and that is so cool because now you can start to do something about it – and start reaping the benefits of your awesome-ness!!

I just want people to say – wow, what’s up with her – she’s really getting her stuff together, to which I would reply, oh really? – I guess so – I hadn’t noticed… by the way, boss, I could really use a pay raise!

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[munchkin]

I love learning musical instruments – voice, guitar, piano, flute, piccolo, oboe, clarinet, sax – whatever I can get my hands on. I played sax in bands for years, but quit when I got married. Now I mainly just sing and play guitar with friends now – with the occasional flute gig if someone twists my arm… My latest passion – recording the great musicians I know! It’s like a music documentation thing because I know these guitar players that just make up the greatest songs, and don’t even realize how amazing they are! I just have to get it recorded before it’s lost. I am really good at learning how to operate machines and instruments – I’m kind of a mathematical kind of person. But I don’t have that talent for creating lyrics and melodies from scratch – I am just so amazed with anyone who can do that well! I quit my music major when I couldn’t memorize a flute concerto (and other issues). I also have a great voice, but can’t for the life of me memorize lyrics to songs. I am also amazed with people who can do that!

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[munchkin]

Marriage counseling only goes so far – if you can also see your own counselor – a counselor who’s just there for you, it could be really helpful… After 43 years – – you’d probably want to pull out all the stops and do whatever it takes to make things right. Also – you are a good person, and whatever happens, remember that and be kind to yourself.

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[munchkin]

Imagine a young person who is your child or someone you know who is really promising and has their whole life ahead of themselves, and is not damaged goods, and could do anything in life. Now if you could advise them, or provide resources for them, what would you do? what would you say? Would you encourage them to look nice? To get educated? To make friends and surround them with positive people who can help them succeed? Would you want them to have a clean and nice environment to work and live in? Now flip it around – that person is you! You can be your own best friend and nurture yourself and belive in yourself! It just might be contagious… When you are doing new things and improving your life, people are attracted to that because they want to be around people who are on a good path. It’s a snowball, momentum kind of thing where you start small with something you can definitely succeed with, and then it makes you and people around you feel good, which powers you up to the next thing. And so on and so on, with failures and successes and two steps forward and one step back. It’s kind of like being adolescent all over again… I don’t know, I’ve managed to come up from the ashes more than once by doing stuff like this…

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[munchkin]

I feel that the pain is equally bad whether I withdraw or not – just different pain. I found this out through experimenting with totally withdrawing from people, and total immersion in people. Still – I find myself always making new friends, and then avoiding interacting with them. Weird, but that’s what I do… The fact for me is that I am unable to control the level of interaction with people, including the possibility of being humiliated or really enjoying it. At some point I just take life as it comes and react to it however I do. Social life happens TO me, I don’t know how to effectively control or drive it – I’m just on the bus, wherever it goes. This is kind of a situation of helplessness and acceptance and just trying to make the best of a bad situation. Not ideal, but word eventually gets around that I won’t show up for anything, so don’t bother inviting, which lets me off the hook. I am really hopeful, now that I’m learning more about ADD, that there actually are some ideas for dealing with these issues other than just working around them… I think I just might explore this a little further…

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[munchkin]

Anyone tried Tiaoshen Liquor? It’s a Chinese traditional medicine that’s supposed to be for ADHD… I wonder about it because I use Chinese medicine for other ailments.

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[munchkin]

I have never been fired, but “fired myself” (by transferring, applying for a promotion or switching companies) over and over because I feared the inevitable. Once there’s no longer something new to learn, my motivation drops and my productivity becomes like molasses. If I don’t either find a new, really hard challenge, or move on, I’ll end up ruining my own achievements in no time flat! I’m definitely in an ever so slow downard spiral right now, and now that I see the writing on the wall, I know I have to start making my exit plan before it’s too late… I’m in a profession where you’re supposed to stay about 5 years at a job, and I’m only 2 1/2 years along – do I find a way to stay, or move on despite the short tenure? I liked how you put it toofat – for me also there is definitely a shelf life, peaking out kind of thing. It’s agonizing sometimes, but it actually keeps pushing me to move onward and upward. I hope by learning more about ADD, I can get my act together better and not feel like I’m wearing out my welcome at jobs… They’re probably picking my billions of post-it’s out of the carpet a year after I’m gone!! Haha.

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[munchkin]

grade school, wore a dress, forgot to wear underwear, monkey bars – you do the math… quit laughing, I mean it!!!

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[munchkin]

Traveling is definiely a “MacGyver” experience for me. I always forget one or two really important things and fail to plan correctly. Actually, I kind of get an ego boost from my ability to recover from these disasters. It’s a lot cooler if I’m by myself because I don’t judge. When my husband is along, he has a total fit, and thinks everything is ruined and doomed until I can convince him that it’s all good because I know how this other bank will let me withdraw money without my debit card (that I forgot) because it’s affiliated with my credit union, etc. etc… quit worrying – I’ve got it covered – I swear! So what if it’s going to take a little longer, isn’t that part of the adventure???

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[munchkin]

There are tons of things I can do now, that would have been difficult if not impossible before the internet! The only way I could do my work before was to have tons of reference materials and refer to them constantly, which would attract attention and seem odd to coworkers. Often it was just too slow and awkward, and I would be unable to accomplish things that others could do easily. This was holding me back, and I figured I just had to accept that I would be unable to compete with those freaky good-memory people! Then, when I was about 27 years old – lo and behold – I got a job where I was actually allowed to have – gasp – my own computer to use at work!!! (that was over 10 yrs ago) Now I have reference websites and pages, all bookmarked on my computer, and no-one has to know that I look up the same terminology and rules and sample letters, etc. over and over because on some days, I just can’t remember or retain a darn thing! The internet for me is like glasses for someone with bad vision.

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