[Robbo]

Sounds interesting to me, great idea!

I think I’ll just have to remember to type down the ideas that pile up inside my head on my cell phone when I’m out running around. I’ve been in the habit of writing down all my brainstorms and saving them as a text message. This just adds a new angle to an existing good habit.

It’s a good way to start writing projects too. Thanks @richardab

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcB-JTAZQow

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[Robbo]

Welcome @nursemes! I would like to encourage you to keep on posting here, and also I would like to tell you that you are definitely giving yourself “the choice” for the rest of your very promising and rewarding life.

You’ve got some great ideas going on inside your mind, so please stick around and keep on learning more about how ADHD has touched your life. You’re still really young, heck, we all are for that matter. I’m 48, but being a lil bit warped by ADHD myself, I get to think with the mind of an eight year old boy!. Only kidding… Not really but… well heck, sometimes it’s true, I act like I’m 8. But when it really counts I can usually muster up some adult behavior.

Mostly. Don’t count on it though.

Some of what you said reminded me of an excellent youtube video of Dr. Ed Hallowell. [awesome!, I remembered to bookmark it a few days ago when I watched it] Here’s a link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtU7wGn5PAE **Grins** Ya know I get a real kick out of remembering to do lil things like just bookmarking that video when I had a gut feeling that it might be a good idea. I’m guessing you get these same “gut instincts”. Go ahead and listen to your gut instinct. Like right now, maybe it’s telling you to watch the video. Go ahead. Just right click on it, then left click on “open in a new tab” to watch it. Then come back n read this.

Okay Okay, yep it’s long. So you didn’t want to watch the whole thing right? That’s okay, but just trust me and watch the whole thing later okay?. We already know lot’s of what he’s got to say. But he also covers a bunch of important info you may not already know. More importantly he talks about how what we really need is human connection. (right at about 17 min. in the video, take a look there… come-onnn go ahead, just do-it!.) We need to participate in human relationships where we get real feedback and give real feedback to other folks.

Most of us never really learned to just plain shut up and listen!. I can easily admit to this, and I’m still really working on it. I have taken generic Ritalin for a short time, it may have been working so well that I started to take my ADHD much less seriously than I should have. A bad brain fart for me to say the least!. And unfortunately I stopped taking in sort of impulsively, (guess it may not have been working all that well that day!) Mostly I listened too much to some of the folks I go to church with. I don’t blame the church, just me for listening to some of the idiots that had dumb ass opinions about stimulant medication. I’m still taking Wellbutrin though. Very low dose. And it’s helping quite a bit all by itself. For now I don’t plan of making any other changes.

It’s likely I’ll change my mind, then again I’ll change it. It’s what we do, huh?.

Dr. Hallowell also wrote a few books. I read the one called “Delivered From Distraction”. Pretty good read if ya ask me. I recommend you go ahead and keep on taking the medication you’ve already got if that’s an option for you. Also, and just as importantly, see if you can get yourself into some kind of group, and/or individual therapy of some kind. Preferably with an ADHD specialist. And of course try to participate some more in this forum. Sometimes this place really gets rock and rolling. It’s been alil bit slow lately, Or maybe it’s just me that’s been slow.

Once in a while I slow down. Like, just for a micro-second, then I rev up the motor agen!.

Are you getting some exercise?. Definitely try to do that some if ya can. It will help you with that lil bit of stress ya may be feeling about gaining weight. I’m sure you look just fine though.  0:-)

Lately I’ve been drumming up some ideas for ways to keep on trudging along on my recovery road from the debacle of ADHDness that has been my life thus far. It’s not quite a nightmare. But it’s also not exactly a stroll along happy go lucky street neither!.

Not even gal!

Nope.

For one thing I plan of making a list of ways I’ve actually improved in my relationship skills. Listening skills. Self restraint and stuff. I actually made a list on my cell phone earlier today. Just sorta brainstorming about a new idea for a thread here. Its’ a work in progess, like a lot of us in this camp.

Works, works in progress.

The whole idea is to try and give something back to this community, a lil bit or a lot more lately. I’ve been helped tons just by reading here. Watching the videos have helped me tons too. I hope you take a look at them. Rick and the rest of the crew have worked really hard to make them. So it’s only common courtesy for us to watch em right?

Right! gal?! Right!

Lot’s and lots. I hope you do a lot of reading too. It helps. Just trust me okay?

Take care

R-

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[Robbo]

Hi Larynxa, it looks like you’ve really done some thinking about this issue. And I want you to know that I really do appreciate your concern. Unfortunately I’m grouped in with a very large population of human beings in California who have extremely low income, and either are disabled, elders, or MIA. MIA stands for Medically Indigent Adults. In other words “Obama Care” patients.

It’s extremely difficult to get in to see a specialist of any kind. The psychiatrist I saw was new there, and only filling in once a week. That was after a very long wait.

This is the 21st century, and it’s just plain not reasonable for a disabled person in California with no other income other than my federal disability to get another appointment with a qualified specialist, unless a life is in danger. The truth is. My life is very far from being in danger.

In fact, I’m doing much better than I ever have. Maybe this is the problem. I just look too dang healthy. And no, they did not say it was because they were afraid of me abusing the medication. It was my own choice to stop taking the generic Ritalin (methylyphenidate) about this time (roughly) last year.  Of course the social worker/counselor that was with the psychiatrist, is/was the same one that accidentally sent me to a gamblers anonymous meeting last year when he thought he was sending me to some ADHD support group. So heck, maybe they think I’m just a gambler who wants to sell his pills to pay off his debts! lol. My imagination went there last year when I showed up for it. At least I got a little bit of a laugh at the time. Told a couple adrenaline junkie stories at the GA meeting and had a couple laughs with the gamblers at least.

I’m thinking about maybe asking my therapist to refer me to a better psychiatrist. But that’s also a very long term solution. In many cases, Ritalin type short acting medications are only for the short term any way. Like I said before. I’ve been making steady progress, and by the time I finally get around to trying the Ritalin, I will already have built all, or most of the new habits that we all learn just doing our time in recovery from a life with misdiagnosed, or under diagnosed ADHD.

I really need to make the best of my life here, now. And maybe in six months or so, I’ll get back in to see a better, and more qualified specialist. Then we will go back to the drawing board. For now. I just need to keep on living my life, and doing the best I can with the hand of cards I’ve been dealt.

Make sense?.

Yep, my life might be a lil easier with the Ritalin, but I will just have to do this the harder way for now. It’s not the most difficult way. But no life is perfect. Right?

Right. Just trust me. K?

The bottom line here is that I’m truly fed up with doctors appointments. I’ve had 17 years of complications due to my spinal cord injury, and at this point. I’m just not willing to sit in yet another dang doctors office any time soon. So I have not even made a follow up appointment. No second opinion, nothing. And I didn’t even ask my GP doctor why they decided not to let me try it again. I hardly even care to be honest.

I’m just just fed up with doctors and doctors offices. My ADHD problems are bad yes indeed. But I’ve got lot’s and lot’s of other good things going on in my life also. On balance, I’ve got to say that my life is generally not all that bad. Even with my heart a lil bit sore from a recent romance debacle. I can still say that I’m a happy camper most days. 

Thanks again for caring about this, and not just giving up on me.

I’ll stick around and keep on dealing with ADD using our good and very large kit of tools here.

We got a lot.

Peace

 

 

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[Robbo]

Hey gang, I’m just here to update ya on the psychiatrist appointment last week. It seemed to go well, but not so much when my GP doctor called me. He said they decided not to let me try the methylphenidate the second time. So I guess it was a bigger mistake than I realized when I stopped taking it last year.

So while I can’t say that I’m clinically depressed like I have been in the past. I am in some seriously bad pain. A combination of the ended romance, struggles with having a lot more social contact and  being much more aware of how acute the ADHD struggles still are.

And now feeling like my the quality of the health care I do receive has hit rock bottom. I’m fairly sure that if they did not have a new psychiatrist, I would probably be given a second chance to try the methylphenidate. Unfortunately I don’t think getting a second opinion is an option for me in this case.

I can’t even say that I’m sure the generic Ritalin would actually make that much difference.

I do know that I’m severely bummed, and I know this is going to take some time. Time to just finish with the grief about yet another failed relationship. Grief about how She must be feeling about this romance not working out, because the bottom line is that I still love this gal. Too dang much.

Grief about not having that very slight, but also very important extra help some of us can expect to get with medications. I was looking foreword to some help with all the relationships in my life. I feel like the same crap that made this romance fail, is hurting the rest of the people I’m trying to be friends with. Making all these people in my life just turn away. Like they always have.

It’s freaking lonely.

I have to admit, there was a small hopeful part of me thinking that when I started taking the medication, I would also be given another shot with this gal I was involved with over the last couple months.

It’s nearly sickening how difficult it is for me to let go of this one beautiful lady.  I gotta admit, a big part of it is the fact that I just don’t have any other really close friends.

This really is the shits. I’m seriously without hope.

And I really really hate to admit it. It’s just the shits.

Thanks for all the support you guys.

I will keep my head on straight.

I don’t give up, and I don’t give in.

I just hurt real bad inside.

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[Robbo]

These are just funny

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[Robbo]

Wow, still in Beta testing huh?

Thanks for the info gal, it is much appreciated. I’ll be able to manage okay.

I have barely used the vast resources that are already here. And I guess there are a couple other places on the Internet where I can still talk with folks and still be completely anonymous.

I like to tell folks that have ADDers (besides myself) in their life about this place. It’s an excellent resource for the families n friends of folks lucky enough to have “Big brains”

Keep smiling Larynaxa

R-

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[Robbo]

Great post @creativeonein, what ya said is very encouraging. Unfortunately for me, I only have a vague memory of what it was like to take the methylyphenidate. Mostly I remember how a couple of the people in my life responded to me when taking it.

It was also really cool the way that I suddenly became much more patient with what other folks had to say. It also made me feel really rotten about my personality and maybe even my character before taking it.

This was extremely unfair. I have got to officially apologize to myself about being so dang ridiculously strict, and even mean spirited.

To me!.

If anyone else in my life had talked to me the way my imagination has, about the way I interact with the world.

Well crap, I would probably just jump right down on them and lump up their poor innocent face!. I’m a lil bit bummed at the moment about how I’ve talked to a pretty lady I was dating a while back. Seems like it’s been months and months.

But it was last week…

AAACK!

I wish I could take back all those times that I snapped at her just because she was trying to give me a little bit of instruction about stuff that didn’t even add up to any freaking thing! Nothing! No big deal…

But I felt like she was trying to boss me around… The nerve of some people!. Actually it’s me with the nerve. Much too much nerve for my own good.

I’m looking foreword to the way the generic ritalin make my nerves much less touchy, sensitive and freaking hyper.

Are ya still out there @pigmonkey?

Let us know how you’ve been doing, okay? . It’s a pretty cool coincident that we’re both giving the ritalin a shot. For me it’s the second time. So it’s a lil less risky feeling for me.

Check in with us man. I like what ya said here:

Really, normal is one of my greatest worries.  I am not taking meds to be normal, I am taking meds to be productive.  If I go normal, the meds go in the toilet.

In fact “going normal” was a large part of my excuse for deciding to quit taking it. But recent events timed out just about perfectly in order for me to become willing to give them pills another shot.

It’s not likely the lady will allow me back into her life. And I can’t even tell you if I want her back  in mine. But the very painful and awful lesson is the same one I’ve been learning with many other relationships, all of them not romantic, and a lil less painful. But indeed, they are painful.

That all too familiar look of disappointment on the face of just about anyone I talk to when I interrupt… That’s the swan song of my existence.

The disgust I see on the face when I say something totally un-related (seemingly) to the current conversation. When all along, there are a couple (at least) other conversations going on simultaneously inside my imagination!.

It makes perfect sense to me. But only I can hear all the other conversations going on in my brain.

And my body language is all over the place. So there’s a slight clue that somethings going on under the hood.

I just can’t possibly articulate all of that!!! at least not as quickly as it’s going on!!! This can feel like a freaking emergency.

It’s embarrassing…  It just makes her crazy. And she’s in love with me ta boot. So I feel absolutely horrible and rotten. Yep, I fell for this gal in a huge way you guys… Can’t get her outa my system…

She asks me a question, (maybe a question about me over-thinking some seriously boring topic) and I have to decide on only one of the several answers generated inside my busy busy brain… And she give me that dang look again.

N says “get out”

so…

Yep, I got out.

next?

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[Robbo]

lol, it’s funny to read about yer donkeys @mulegirltx.

Thanks for letting us know about them.

I think we feel like we’re in trouble because We Are Trouble! with a capitol T. lol.

But someone’s got to be the “trouble” after all, right? The trick is to try and balance out how often we cause trouble. There is a sometimes strange part of me that just plain likes to stir up the doo doo.

I don’t do it on purpose, Honest!. But so many times I hear myself, and even see what I write here look very much more sarcastic than I mean to be. And not when I said I like what you say about donkeys @mulegirltx.

It’s just my imagination over-doing it’s job again.

I get more thinking done before 9:00 am than most people do all dang day! 

This is one of the happy hazards of having such a magnifying mind.

Hopefully early this week I’ll get a phone call from my doctor about the psychiatrist appointment I had last week. They’ve decided to let my try the methylphenidate again. This time I won’t be so dang anal retentive about taking it on time as if my dang life depended on it.

It ain’t a matter of life, or death. Not even close.

Part of the reason I quit taking it before was the fact that I didn’t always want to take it!. Now, taking it more than prescribed is definitely not part of the solution. But I have read about taking a medication vacation on another web site. It was an article from ADDitude magazines email that I got.

It’s also not a crime to skip a dose now and then. Nope.

It ain’t.

Basically, the problem is this. I just have medical/medicare. And with all the extra “obama care” patients being added to the mixture of health care recipients. Dudes like me have to wait much much longer for an appointment with a psychiatrist.

It’s just the way it is, and I either have to accept the facts of life. Or not have health care. Period!.

Well, last year, I literally did just decide not to get psychiatric health care. Mainly because I’m much less mentally ill than the vast majority of cases they have to deal with.

Regardless of what you guys may think based on an occasional whacked out post of mine. (that is likely to be mis-understood based on the readers perspective at the time)  I’m really just a very excitable dude with a very hyperactive case of ADHD. Way out there on the extremes of the hyperactivity scale…

Way…

totally, huh?

So, we’re not in trouble you guys. Not even close.

We’re just a lil bit weird, and it’s in a good way too.

Again, let me just say it again.

We are not in trouble. We’re not even guilty!.

Nope.

So just learn to live with it. Okay? And if you can get some good advice about taking medications on the Internet, from a really good professional psychologist, and from some friends at church. Then go ahead and do the best you can with the resource you actually do have.

Well that’s great man! Go ahead and run with it!.

And don’t just give up because you’re #67 on the list of folks who need to see the psychiatrist. And when you get there, ya end up writing a short novel on your phone about how extremely undignified it is to be grouped in with about a gazziliilian other seriously mentally ill folks. Some of them are very dangerous and quite criminally insane.

But being taken care of along the same lines as those folks does not make you like them. It’s a good idea to have some real compassion for these folks too. Cuz but for the grace of The Loving God that made ya.

There goes you pal!. Yep. that’s you but for the grace…

And you’re just kindof hyper. And talkative.

And you’ve got an imagination that just will not quit!, this ain’t nothing like a crime. Not even close.

AAACK

it’s gonna be okay.

We’re not in trouble.

We are trouble.

Capital T.

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[Robbo]

lol, yep Wgreen. Romance, it’s dramatic stuff. Sorta disgusting too. But we must like it, huh?. We keep going back, like flies to brown stuff.

That smells funky as hell!. It’s raunchy, putrid, n wreaks of sulfur…

We human beings are strange creatures indeed. Impossible to understand, yet fascinating and irresistible. 

I’ve had a few good conversations with a good and qualified therapist over the last few days. She’s a real expert on ADD. And she’s one of us too. So I will learn from these mistakes and end up a lil bit better than I was before.

Lot’s of folks don’t settle down until they’re in their late forties, or even older. Looking back on my life, it’s hard to imagine staying with any one woman through all of this life I’ve lived. Not many could have kept up with me. Or survived with their sanity intact.

Alas, Dorothy was not all that crazy about OZ. (when this started, at the advice of KC, in this forum, I sent her a text that said “buckle up Dorothy, Kansas is going bye bye”) Sound advice, thanks KC.

Must not have been the real Dorothy.

The kicker is that she even gave away that cute lil dog that helped bring us together!. (the one in my avatar picture) The dog’s ADD was just too energetic for her! LOL, how’s that for an irony?. (seriously, she made a parallel between me and the hyperactive lil puppy, and he chewed up my best sunglasses). I shall not digress into telling you guys about my judgement of the opposite sex.

This beautiful gal I’ve been talking about does not represent the female half of our species. Not even close. She’s a fine specimen though. 🙂

I’ll be better off.

The puppy is better off too.

And I am grateful for my optimistic and rapidly thinking mind. Here is a case where being forgetful will come in very handy.

I will be praying that this chapter of my book stays closed, once and for all.

 

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[Robbo]

Thanks Larynxa, that’s very helpful.

And sorry to the rest of you guys for hijacking this thread with my own stuff. I’ve had my heart in retirement for most of the last 8 years. So I’ve been on one heck of a tail spin for the last few weeks. Falling in love completely took my by surprise.

I’m still in shock!

I’ll get over it though. And I’m looking foreword to seeing this from a more realistic perspective.

 

 

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[Robbo]

I’m really having a difficult time getting back into my old sorta motivated self . That’s making it really hard to participate here in this community..

Yep, believe it or not I’m at a loss for words!

**snickers a lil**

grin…

How funny huh?

Before I started to write tonight, I was thinking about what I wanted to say. (okay, here we go… now it’s all coming back to me) So I was thinking that the trauma of getting back involved with this woman I’ve been hanging around with, breaking up, getting back together n just saying we’re gonna be friends. But NOT acting like friends… AAAACK!! it’s crazy making.

But it’s officially over since about wed.

And she lives in my apartment complex too!. So I have to see her frequently. Just last night as I got home she pranced across the front of my car as I pulled into the driveway. I just chirped the horn at her and she sorta glanced at me with a half hearted grimace… (I think, grimace is the best word I can come up with) There was no smile, but kindof a smirk. I may have seen a lil spark in her eyes.

My imagination… it’s a liar. My body wants her body, my heart…

I feel used, dirty, n cheap.

Ah crap. I think I’ve got some sort of temporary mental retardation… [and I’m texting with my therapist at the same time as typing this]

well crap you guys, I’m just gonna ramble a lil. I’ve had more than half a dozen bouts of crying my dang eyes out over the last week. But I finally did get an appointment with a psychiatrist and I’m probably gonna start back up on methylphenidate.

Low dose.

In my plain insanity-I think it will slow my brain down enough to quit interrupting. Her. That’s a big part of the problem. But I do know that it’s not the whole problem.

I just need to let go.

I never learned how to let go of beautiful things. But I’m willing to learn. I know she’s not really the right gal for me. I’m just sick of being alone. Tired, and sick of it. Tired of going to church with a bunch of married folk who condescend to greet me with a smile each week and go home to a blissful marital existence.

We all know that ain’t true. It’s all work. And the bottom line is this.

She does not want to do the work. The tiny little smithereen she understands about ADHD says that I’m an extreme pain in the ass. That is such bull shit!

But she knows better. She’s…

well it’s probably just my imagination. But I think she’s got a lot of the same symptoms as me, but with me it’s called ADD. She’s a dang genius too. Too smart for her own good though.

Love is insanity.

Delectably so.

 

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[Robbo]

 Too, it only makes sense that people whose minds constantly race would have more than their fair share of interesting ideas. It’s just math.

I liked all of what ya say @Wgreen, Great stuff and very helpful.

I’m licking my wounds, and I just got off the phone with an excellent friend who gave some good advice too. We shall indeed survive another day.

And I’ll grow, and learn from a few mistakes that I made. And forgive her for making the mistakes she’s making…

I got hope, and I’m holding on to it with the intensity only a few ADDers can truly understand.

Thanks

R-

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[Robbo]

I have been extremely unhappy with my particular version of ADHD lately. In fact I’ve become quite disgusted a few times. Not quite to the point of making myself puke, but it’s possible that my annoying mouth and antics may have made a couple other folks want to (puke)

But please don’t take what I’m saying too seriously. I’m just in a mood. They come they go.

Moods. Got some? lol. They are indeed a riot these moods that come n go. Ah crap… whoosh!!! another one just came n went… Seriously you guys. Don’t take this post too seriously. I won’t.

I just wanted to bring some of the really good posts in this thread back up into circulation, really. So I’m just sharing just to share. I haven’t been very talkative lately. At least in this community that is. I still talk too much everywhere else I go. It’s a pain.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. Now I need to send a nice card to my doctor. Not an apology so much, but a thank you for the tons and tons of health care he has provided, and worked extremely hard to be able to give me.  He’s patient too. Very.

I found a great section here at TotallyADD today. this one (Benefits of ADD)  And I had to laugh because there were only a small handful of topics, there just does not seem to be a lot of benefits that we actually do speak of without sounding like we’re blowing our own horns, huh?.

When I clicked on this thread (Attesting to the Virtues, Harnessing, and the Gift) I felt better  because some of the best folks in this community wrote in it. I’ll be coming back to read this one some more.

This whole web site is an excellent resource for folks that are willing to just spend the time reading.  I would like to just say thank you to all the folks that still come around and share about the solutions to this horribly painful and toxic malady.

Go ahead and take my last sentence seriously, because I’m feeling much worse about this crap ass thing they call ADD that words can say.

I’ll live though. I promise.

This too shall pass. Like a horrible horrible case of diarrhea, that really smells.

it stinks.

real bad.

 

 

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[Robbo]

lol, thanks for the account of your attempt at being among the employed. Good and fun reading man!.

 

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[Robbo]

Really good post @pigmonkey, and I’m with you in how you feel about taking the Ritalin. In fact I was taking it something like a year and a half ago. Stopped, and I’m really suffering now because I stopped. I won’t blame the failed relationship I recently gave up on, on my ADD, or the fact that I stopped taking the Ritalin. But it’s a big factor.

I guess it’s really a matter of weighing the negative side effects against the positive.  I would have to say that it’s not likely the gal I’ve been hanging out with would want to hang out with me if I did go back on the Methylphenidate (generic Ritalin). But it’s likely that I would handle all the negative crap I say about me inside my head better. I noticed the stuff did slow down my fast moving brain quite a bit. It was big a relief.

It just messed with my pride problem a lot, needing to take psyche meds… It’s possibly the same thing you’re going through. I feel like I’m a flawed human being. But we all are.  Not just us ADDers, but humanity as a whole.

Fortunately for the folks in this camp. TotallyADD. An important piece of our puzzle has been found. I’ve been saying the “meds are about 15% of the solution” for quite some time, but I know it can be much more for some folks.

I hope you decide to give it a try. Consider it guinea pig duty. Or maybe guineapigmonkey duty better yet!. The stuff does wear of in about 2 to 5 hours depending on lot’s of other things. So it’s really not a huge gamble to eat one a couple times a day for a while. Till you have a chance to really look at it from more than just a couple of the perspectives that come along in your ADD brain.

Let us know how it works out for you. There’s not a lot of dudes in this forum, so I’m gonna just encourage you to keep on coming around. I got helped by your sharing, so thanks.

Now that I’m back into the fast track of single-hood. I’ll have more time to come back and probably goof off too much here.

fair warning you guys… :-D~

Peace.

R-

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[Author]

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