[Scattybird]

amy86 – He’s clearly an arrogant idiot too. If they don’t come back for a follow up then they are more likely to have gone elsewhere than be cured. Who knows what damage he’s doing.

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[Scattybird]

I hope that since it’s International Women’s Day today, when you feel hungry and “just turn to your wife and say “I’m all of a sudden incredibly hungry, can you grab me anything to eat“………. you change it around to “I’m incredible hungry, can I get you something to eat too”.  🙂

Sorry……I couldn’t resist the feminist dig.  🙂

This is the point where you tell me you have a phobia about cooking or a physical infirmity which means your food has to be prepared for you and then I feel guilty about my comment for the next 10 years.

 

 

 

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[Scattybird]

nellie – that makes perfect sense. After reading blackdog’s comment I remembered what someone else had once said about taking it before they get up on a morning.  For the last couple of days or so I tested blackdog’s observation and have been taking my dex about 30 minutes before I get up. During the 30 mins slumber time I mentally plan my day in between dozing and when my alarm to get up goes off I’m ready for the day and have had very productive mornings compared to usual. I droop a bit in the afternoons though.

Usually I like a coffee on a morning so take the dex later and you’re right nellie, the day can be lost as a result.  So I’m trying to kick start the day with dex rather than coffee and it’s working well so far.

 

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[Scattybird]

It depends on what is going on with them. If someone is depressed or having a hard time over something then I’ll turn the other cheek and tolerate being treated like garbage for a while.

If there are no mitigating circumstances then I don’t tolerate being treated like garbage. A friendship will always have highs and lows, but across those there should be mutual respect and liking. If a friendship is one sided then it drains the mental energy from you. You can try and explain to them that certain behaviour is hurtful and if they don’t change it then they won’t.

Whether I confront them or not depends on mood and circumstances. When I was younger I would probably be outspoken but now I would probably just reduce when I saw them and ‘wean’ them off the friendship. Having said that, it might depend on whether I have taken my meds.  🙂 Today I am mellow……. tomorrow…..is another day…..

As a rule of thumb, adults don’t change their personality. I don’t think it’s necessarily an ADHD thing. There are always ‘energy-suckers’ out there right across the board. The trick is to find friends who won’t sap you of your energy.

Easy to say I know, but I would rather be alone and/or lonely than miserable because of the actions, words, comments, patronising looks of someone else. We’ve all been there and life is frankly too short.

I LOVE your  utility turkeys vs Cornish hens analogy – it’s brilliant – you gave me the best laugh I’ve had all month! 🙂

I don’t think I have given the right response in general having re-read your post?  The people that treat me as garbage generally treat everyone like that, we have to know we deserve respect from people in the same way as everyone else.

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[Scattybird]

Hi intangible….. Oops. Sorry. I never thought about asking if you drink coffee! 🙂 Coffee and amphetamines – at least for me – most definitely do not mix.

I had to cut back my coffee consumption drastically when I started taking Dexamphetamine –  with both I felt like I was about to have a heart attack or a stroke…..certainly a very odd and unpleasant sensation.  So I make a decision each day….do I want coffee or the meds? That depends on what I need or want to do that day.

My coffee consumption was partly to get or keep my brain going and also displacement behaviour – making a coffee was an excuse to walk around.

With the dex I don’t actually NEED coffee anymore, but I did have withdrawal symptoms when I cut back.  Now I have got used to the meds, how they make me feel etc., I have a coffee or three when the last dose of the day wears off and feel fine.  That’s what I like about the short acting versions of these meds….. I can take one to get going on a morning and then have another for the afternoon followed by coffee in the evening. Or I enjoy a coffee when I wake up and take a dex in the afternoon.  Of course with Vyvanse, because it’s the long acting version you need to be more careful. But on an evening when you feel it wearing off, a coffee is a great way to stay levelled without a crash.

 

 

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[Scattybird]

Hello intangible,

I don’t have any experience of Vyvanse or of Adderall because we can’t get Adderall in the UK. But I do have experience of dexamphetamine which is the short acting version of Vyvanse and one of the components of Adderall.

So both meds you have tried are based on amphetamine.

To me, and it’s only the opinion of a lay person with no medical training, either your dose is too high or the drug doesn’t suit you. Normally your doctor would start you on the lowest dose and titrate up until it feels right. According to Dr Parker you shouldn’t be aware of all the side effects. That said, I find dexamphetamine to be much stronger than methylphenidate and I get more annoying side effects with the dex than I ever did with methylphenidate (Ritalin). BUT it is much more effective so I tolerate the side effects (a bit of jaw clenching, dry mouth and insomnia if taken late). The benefits outweigh the side effects, but I cannot tolerate high doses of dex at all.

So you need to find a dose that does what you want it to do but with minimum side effects. Increasing the dose can have the opposite effect than the one you want. Too much turns me into a zombie and all thought is slowed to a point where it’s pointless, but when it wears off I have a spurt of activity.

So in summary, start low and gradually work up. That gives your body a chance to adjust to the drug and then you can gradually experiment until you find the optimum dose. Also, this drug family may not suit you, in which case you need to discuss the alternatives with your doctor.

One last thing that I have noticed with these meds is that they only act as a support. Even when taking them, I have to know what I want to do so the drug helps me to do it. It’s a bit like playing a musical instrument in an orchestra. Without dex I play any note and in the wrong place, or more usually don’t bother to play at all. Taking the meds is like having a conductor present, but I still have to pick the instrument up in the first place, otherwise the meds will help me focus on the wrong thing.

Blackdog’s description of her experience should help. From what she says, 30mg isn’t a high dose. I certainly wouldn’t increase it until you decide if you can tolerate it. I take very low doses of dex. It’s a powerful medication and we all react differently. My psych thinks my dose is very low compared to some people, but it suits me and my metabolism. Increasing the dose gives me no benefit and more side effects. Find your balance.

Good luck and do let us know how you get on.

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[Scattybird]

Hi gianmaria – you make some interesting points. I am glad your children have brought you a lot of happiness. They can be fun.

I wonder if female ADDers view this topic in the same way as male ADDers and whether there’s a difference between generations of men and women too?  So the older male ADDer might be looked after and organised by his spouse but a younger or more enlightened male (not that older men can’t be enlightened of course!) might be expected to pull his weight around the home more meaning that his ADHD might be more problematic because of shared responsibility?

I suspect we won’t find out here because folk who contribute to the forum are probably all enlightened and not of the dinosaur era.

blackdog – I don’t know why, but I now have a vision of your husband being like a  little incidental pet. You sometimes remember to give him a walk or feed him, but not always? 🙂 Actually I think it’s great that you have plenty to occupy your mind to an extent that you forget him. That’s healthier than being in each other’s pockets.

 

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[Scattybird]

Interesting ….. My brain slows if I am tired and I get more done as a result. I haven’t experienced that with a hangover though, just nausea. Now it is possible of course that the nausea is the result of concentrating and not of the actual hangover…….I feel an experiment coming on……. 🙂

 

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[Scattybird]

There are a lot of cat owners on this site so you fit in well. 🙂

I know exactly what you mean about children. I don’t have children either but I love the kids in my family because I can play with them. I certainly couldn’t be responsible for a child’s upbringing  or welfare on a long term basis. Yikes!!

I know what you mean about maturity. I look in the mirror and there is a definite mismatch between the face I see staring back at me and the age that I feel (mentally at least).  It’s quite odd.  I suppose that’s good though. If I thought I looked the age I feel then I’d be delusional which would be worse than being ADD. That is, unless I believed my delusions in which case I’d maybe be really happy.  Oh dear……maybe stopping the meds was a bad idea……..

🙂

 

 

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[Scattybird]

Did the cat survive?  When you say it was found…….well,  I have visions of it being found months later and it being ‘soup’…..

Duct tape rocks…..

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[Scattybird]

lindsey3 – hello.

Your comment about viewing partners as ‘add-ons’ really struck a chord with me.  I think you are spot-on there. I never really thought about that before, but I often feel like I am watching aspects of my life going on, but they aren’t really part of ME. It’s a bit like acting in a scene of a play and then being allowed to get on with my life again.  There are many add-ons and these usually relate to people who aren’t on my wave length but with whom I have to have dealings.  People I meet that are similar to me don’t feel like add-ons.

I also agree about packed lunches….. How do they find the time?  Anytime I have been organised enough to do a packed lunch (not often), I usually forget I have it and find it in the fridge at work a week or so later! ….not to mention the wasted ingredients at home because they don’t get used again.

 

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[Scattybird]

Maybe the coach you contacted has ADD. They probably meant to get back to you but haven’t quite managed it yet, but it’ll be on their to do list, so they’ll contact you when they find it and then remember to read it and then act on it, so no worries. 🙂

Or they do not have ADD but are assuming that you will forget that you contacted them so they don’t feel the need to respond. 🙂

Or something horrible has delayed their reply and I’ll feel bad forever for making fun of them. 🙁

 

 

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[Scattybird]

Hi – welcome to the forum. It’s a great place to come to and be able to just talk and be yourself without any judgement being made. We are all in this together which is liberating and even if you don’t get advice, just writing about stuff is cathartic.

Like you I am independent and this is the only place that I talk openly. Without the folk who use this forum I would have gone mad after my diagnosis.

I have never used a coach. I am still in that stubborn stage where I know what needs to be done but I have to yet admit to myself that someone might be able to help. An accountability buddy might be cheaper than a coach. Your coach will need to give you more than what you can find in books and on line to be worth the money.  I think it’s worth giving a coach a try.

Two books I found useful were ‘Taking Charge of Adult ADHD’ by Barkley and ‘ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life’ by Kolberg and Nadeau. Also, Google ADD Crusher – he has a useful little video on distraction amongst other stuff. But of course this site is a wealth of information and advice and there is no better forum, at least not that I have discovered.

Before I was diagnosed I had developed a range of coping strategies. I knew I had to fight procrastination and distractions so I did. When I got older the symptoms got worse – probably because I had more to juggle at work and pulling all-nighters to get by wasn’t sustainable any longer. So I went to a psychiatrist and got my diagnosis. I was so pleased to know there was a reason for all my issues.

My worry now is I don’t seem to be able to use my old coping strategies as well as I could before. I don’t know if that’s just overwhelm or whether I now think I have something bigger to deal with. Now instead of procrastination it’s ADHD I am battling against. Sometimes I wonder if knowing makes it appear like we have a bigger battle on our hands than we perhaps do. On the other hand, my coping strategies weren’t working anymore which is why I got help. On balance I think it is good to know what we are dealing with.

However, I think we need to be careful that we don’t wallow in the diagnosis – it is a part of what makes us who we are, but it shouldn’t rule who we are. I think I wallowed in it, but am slowly realising that I just need to get on with my life and not allow it to be always in my mind.

I went down the medication route – partly because I was curious and partly because if I hadn’t done something drastic my job was potentially at risk and I couldn’t allow that. Medication helps me see what I need to do – I think if I saw a coach with the meds I would learn new habits and strategies more easily than without.

Anyway I am rambling. Actually I am procrastinating because I need to finish a report today and I am putting it off!

If you have coaching then choose an ADHD knowledgeable one and not one who doesn’t understand. Let us know how you get on. 🙂

PS – Another book I found helpful from a work perspective was ‘Eat that Frog’ by Brian Tracy.  It is not written for people with ADHD specifically and could be classed as one of those awful self-help books, but I found it helpful and very readable and read it more than once and will read it again for reinforcement. It’s available as an e book.  (Did it work?…well I am still procrastinating, but am going to sign off now and eat my frog even though I have just wasted two thirds of my day!!)

 

 

 

 

 

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[Scattybird]

Hi – I know exactly what you mean. I like the idea of a partner with whom to live my life, but anyone I have known just finally irritates me because they demand so much attention and I just can’t balance my job with home life. I can’t even do that when I just have myself to look after. My house looks like a bomb has hit it.

I have always had a need to be financially independent, probably after seeing how my mother struggled when my father left. She spent the best years of her life doing without an awful lot for him and then he dumped her/us leaving her in a mess. That aside, I have always had a need to focus on my job and I have always found it more stimulating than a ‘normal’ life. I look at friends who are married and none of them seem immensly happy – I think the drive to bring up children keeps them together and motivated.

But actually I haven’t met anyone that I could live with forever and I wouldn’t want to feel bitter towards someone if I perceived them as having stopped me reaching my potential. I suppose some people might see that as selfish, but I see it as realistic. I would ruin someone’s life as well as my own and I have never been remotely maternal so the need for children has never been a motivation for me.

Having seen unhappy marriages I would never ‘make do’ with someone just because of peer pressure – they would have to be perfect and perfection doesn’t exist. If you are happy, then why risk someone potentially spoiling that?

All that said, we all need companionship and if you lead a single life you need good friends – at least someone who really ‘gets you’ and who you can confide in.

Now I am older and realistically have reached as far as I can get in my career, I don’t regret anything.

However, the place I work in is changing and is more competitive than ever and the current management team is making decisions that are making it difficult for everyone. Imagine how an impulsive ADDer is faring – even with meds it’s a struggle not to tell them where to go sometimes!! At the end of the day most employees are seen as ‘resources’ and not as people and most employers think of themselves and not of the ‘resources’. So if you have a job that is fulfilling in its own right, then that’s great. But if moving up the ladder is the only driver, then be careful of your quality of life.

So the danger of going it alone, is that you might get to a point of stagnation in your career years down the line and wish to have a partner to share all the little everyday things with. If you have a partner who will be an equal in the house then the chores can be shared and therefore time spent doing the mundane is halved. Also, having the moral support of a partner will be a motivation when things are difficult in other areas and just having a real true companion would be lovely. If the perfect person exists then I haven’t found them yet and I would rather go it alone – my happiness is my responsibility then and not the result of the whim of someone else. My ADD makes me a bit temperamental and I like the freedom to do what I want and when.

However you lead your life, enjoy it!  🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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[Scattybird]

quizzical – “She meant to be reassuring, but all it did was fill me with doubt and more confusion. Had she ever sent me to school with an empty sandwich?”

I don’t know if you meant that line to be funny but I thought it was hilarious.  It’s just so….ADD.

🙂

 

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