Re: Spouse of (potentially, but most likely) ADHD son and husband

[Anonymous]

Greta,

I’ve been with my ADD partner for 10 years. The first years were tough. He had already diagnosed himself with ADD but hadn’t had any counseling or treatment. His lateness, disorganization, forgetfulness–the classic stuff–wore me down after two years. I said we needed to see a counselor or risk our relationship ending. Fortunately, we found a good counselor. At first, Max resisted medication and then agreed to try it. (He’s still on medication.) We continued with counseling for two years and it was very beneficial. I’d say it saved our relationship. I learned a lot about myself as well as Max, and with the counselor we learned many strategies for communication, planning, just plain getting along. All this is to say that having a diagnosis of ADD does not by itself make everything better. Medication does not by itself make everything better. I also know that suggesting to someone that they have ADD is hard to do in a way that that person can really hear it. So you might consider starting with the issues and working on them. Are you at the point where you think you and your husband would benefit from counseling? If so, I urge you to find a counselor who works with those who have ADD. (Our counselor has ADD himself and his wife is an ADD coach.) As Justin suggested, in the course of getting treatment for your son, your husband may make the connection to himself. But that may take awhile. I’ve started a blog that talks about positive, constructive, practical strategies for partners of those who have ADD. http://www.survivingadd.wordpress.com. It’s just a beginning, but there’s so much negative stuff out there, I’d like to show that it’s possible to have a great relationship with someone who has ADD. If you have a chance to look at it, leave a comment to let me know if you think it’s worthwhile. Good luck.

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