Re: Define Crazy!

[Robbo]

Ugh, I wish I could make myself proofread better. On that post above, I meant to say the first 40 years I said “I’ve never had it so good” much less, I’ve said it much more the last 6, I don’t know how I’ve survived the first 30 or so. I bet I’m not the only adrenalin junkie (recovering) here. I still have some lofty and dangerous bucket list kind of stuff. Bungee jumping sounds boring to me. Maybe that’s common here. The sea is not boring. I love it.

There’s a reason I haven’t been on the Internet very much the last few years. A big part of it was my writing skills. And where I was writing also, I got a bit too much criticism for writing long, too long boring posts that normal folks don’t have the patience to read. I think twitter is a pain in the butt.

communication is extremely difficult in every form for me. Sometimes I freak myself out at how well I can articulate depending on some thing I don’t understand. Something like an invisible weirdo following me around with the remote control to my thinking, it keeps changing the channel. I’m getting stronger, it’s getting weaker. At the same time, my dexterity has kinda deteriorated. Reading about Neuroplasticity gives me a lot of real hope about getting a better grip on my adHd symptoms. The actual diagnosis process will take many months if I’m lucky, maybe a year if I have to reschedule, or someone is late. Mind doctors especially are under so dang much pressure to do more with less funds that I really hope they take the time to get some counseling for themselves as well.

I forgot to make an appointment to see the doctor again right after my last appointment last month. I called, was only able to leave a message, and then someone from that doctors office called and apologetically said “we’ll try to get you an appointment sooner but we can see you in December” I was only about 7 minutes late. But the doctor was also running late from the last appointment going a little bit overtime. She was stressed out, I felt bad for her. But she said she used to be a pharmacist before she became a doctor. So it’s likely she really knows about medications and how to not make my problems worse by treating me like a dang lab rat and endlessly throwing pills at me searching for the right chemical concoction. I strongly agree that most of the FDA approved meds like Ritalin work great if taken correctly, but that’s only one part of the solution. Not the whole solution. The videos on this site get better every time I watch another. So much of the solutions to our struggles can help some normal people who may not even have half the symptoms of adhd.

It’s scary how much the health care system has deteriorated. The fact is, people seem to have more problems these days. Just too dang much media, and computers n machines are doing all the work we used to do. Solving a lot of the problems we used to solve. We don’t get the brain exercise, or physical exercise we need. Our health gets bad, a good large part of the solution is to live freaking life! Work hard, play hard, REST. Eat better food, real food. That’s a big chunk of what I think helps. I’m all questions and no answers mostly for now.

I have already saved the money I almost spent on a new blackberry or I phone by sticking with my several calendars, one plain old paper planner I carry with me, a pen!, (a bunch, cuz I color code and add lots of artistic license to my notes sometimes) an I pod classic MP3 player that will remind me of a few things as long as I’m willing to leave it connected to something I’ll hear, music helps me tons. Two cell phones, with enough of the I pod features to function much better, show up!, have less stress, and not appear extremely flaky and “lazy stupid crazy”, I just wrote a reminder to get that book. There’s other stuff like sleep I need to do sooner. I’m getting a lot of practical advice without reading a whole heck of a lot here. I hope I can eventually contribute more than come here for solutions. But I’m positive I’m not the only person thinking like that. A lot of these ADHD symptoms are regular human problems, just much much more difficult for adders to manage. I think they can’t find a cause because it’s not just one thing, like manufactured food as opposed to real, natural food. It’s the water, the air, the radio waves of every kind of wireless everything going on every where we go. Maybe microwave ovens are slowly frying our brains in some small seemingly insignificant way that only shows up gradually after 30 or 40 or 50 years. Kinda like asbestos. Today on the news I think they said a new study suggests that alzheimers may be contagious! Holy crap man!! That’s a bad thing to say if you’re not absolutely sure it’s true, DUH!!!! BTW,I just don’t want a microwave, honest. My darn kitchen is so tiny I have my toaster oven and some of my kitchen stuff overflowing into the dining room. A mini office kinda sorta. I got rid of the very cool tinted glass dining table cuz it reminded me of the fact that even though I’m an excellent cook, nobody comes here for dinner. My apartment is pretty dang clean and organized considering the way I’ve lived for most of my life. When I had more friends, I would invite people over just to make myself clean up the home. I think I’ve talked about doing that more than I’ve actually done it. Kinda like a way of pretending I have more friends. Hmm, sometimes getting honest ain’t not fun. But I don’t… ah crap! The TV Caught my attention and I forgot what I was gonna write. That happened last time I wrote here, earlier today. That saying, “I never had it so good” I got it from a writer named Chuck Chamberlain. The entire quote is “I’ve never had it so good, this is the only good life I’ve ever known, the only easy life that’s ever been mine” I say the whole thing on especially excellent days when I don’t screw up very much. J I’ve been saying that for about 22 years, but sometimes can’t remember the whole thing. I still haven’t taken the test here. I don’t even know which of the five stages of grief I’m in, or if an ADD diagnosis is some kind of horrible news to get. Like a very kind hearted old lady who was my neighbor just died, On that I’m just pissed off. She died in an awful hospice, She soo very much deserved more dignity than she got. I think I may be coming out of denial on that grief.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think I’m in some kinda loop about this

ADHD diagnosis thing, and losing my dear friend. Or maybe just anger-denial-frustration-repeat. My dang eyelids are getting heavy, if I could just go to bed right when I get tired I win. If I procrastinate or act like a 2 year old baby who just doesn’t want to give in to sleepiness, I get a second wind and CRRAAAP! I can’t keep these saym darn eyes closed… Grrrrr. I’ll take the laptop with me to bed and put some boring old movie in. or one of the gazzillian other things I try to get me to sleep. It’s not a big enough problem to give in to sleep medication. I don’t have to work right now. Finding a job is a common problem I don’t need to even go there huh? Guess I sorta already did, huh?

I hope people will keep supporting PBS, It’s impossible to count how many different kinds of education, solutions, and commercial free entertainment I’ve enjoyed over the years. I don’t work for them, just grateful. I watched the ADD n loving it thing about 3 times I think, until I luckily got the DVD, I can’t possibly measure how much that DVD and this site are helping me. And I’m just beginning to think about scratching the surface. PBS let me pay 7 bux a month until that DVD is paid off. Now that is cool. Very cool. KVIE in Sacramento is the station, they’re all great I’m sure. Probably.

Dang, that’s the longest write I’ve written in a long time. I may have worked on this for 2 n a half hours about. I dunno.

Thanks

Robert.

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