verbal diarrhea

[Anonymous]

how do I learn to control the things I say and how much I talk? this is a huge problem for me and my next step in my personal growth.

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[Patte Rosebank]

@Jennee, we all have trouble with that one.  The trouble is, we have so much to say!

First, you can watch this little video of one of Bill’s ADDventures:   http://totallyadd.com/talky-new-years-2/

You’ll laugh.  Then, you’ll recognize yourself in it.  Then, you’ll discover it popping into your mind every so often, when you’re in the middle of a long monologue—and you’ll pause.

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[MarieAngell]

@Jennee, I struggle with this as well and haven’t quite defeated the beast yet.

My therapist told me to maintain eye contact and, for me, anyway, that’s very important. When I’m in too deep, I tend to look elsewhere and miss the nonverbal cues that the other person is losing interest.

Also, I’m trying to listen more, really focusing on what is being said. And I’ve just about broken the habit of  interrupting to get my thoughts in before I forget. This has taken a lot of practice.

One more thing I’ve used to some success is a watch that beeps at certain intervals. When I know I’m going to be somewhere I’m conversing,  like a party, I set it to beep at 10 or 15 minute intervals.  This just sort of reminds that time is passing. And certainly reminds me to shut up if I’ve talked the whole time between beeps.

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[MarieAngell]

@jennee, got so excited, I forgot to ask: Are there certain situations in which you talk more? What are the negative aspects of talkiness for you?

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[Anonymous]

my first problem with this is that I tend to blurt out things with out thinking and it gets me in trouble. I tell people things I shouldnt be telling them.
the second problem is that I am a daycare teacher, I have to talk to parents but I often get caught up in the moment and don’t realize I have been talking too long and my attention has been away from the kids too long. My co worker is getting very angry with me for talking to parents too much but I dont know how to get it under control.

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[MarieAngell]

I have experienced all of that. Could you work some kind of signal out with the co-worker to discreetly remind you or divert your attention back to the kids? As an example, maybe she could walk by or even tap you on the shoulder if you’re too engrossed in conversation.

I’ve been training myself to say one thing and then disengage in situations like that. I can do that about 80% of the time now, but I have to practice.

One technique for “performance” situations is take 5-10 minutes just before the stressful situation (in your case, it might be right before leaving for work) to write down your fears and how you would like the situation to go.  I’ve had a bit of success with this, although my challenge is to take the time to do the writing. It doesn’t have to be elegant or elaborate, but enough to express anxiety and to visualize a positive outcome.

I picked this up from a book called “Choke: What the Secrets of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To” by Sian Bielock. It’s not specifically about ADHD, but studies have shown the technique to be effective. The author says she even uses it to improve her TV appearances.

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[Anonymous]

I think that is worth a try, I am also going to ask for specifics on how long is ok to talk, how many topics are ok to discuss at a time, what topics are urgent and what can wait so I can find out if I am on the right track with what I think.

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[MarieAngell]

@Jennee, that indeed sounds like a very good plan.

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[squirrelygirl]

This is an interesting topic!  I switch between talking too much, being shy and not wanting to risk talking because I tend to bore people, and then also having a tendency to tell people I don’t know very well too much about myself, which is perhaps part of the impulsivity/verbal diarrhea problem?  When I’ve read about the symptom of saying inappropriate things, well, a time or two I’ve maybe phrased things in a way that caused offense and so have learned to edit/withhold my thoughts, but then I realized that revealing too much personal info too soon might also be part of that.

I envy the creative types like the comedians who can tell jokes and stories to get people to laugh, because that is a skill I don’t have!  I find myself boring people because I either try to fit in too many details that really aren’t important in a conversation, or I can’t remember names, details, places etc. so can’t tell a good story!  It’s always “if I could remember the name of that author/movie/book and if I could remember what it was actually about, I’d tell you – it was really good but.. never mind!

So frustrating!

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