The Forums › Forums › What is it? › Hyperactivity/Restlessness/Impulsiveness › Whats your hyperactivity look like? › Reply To: Whats your hyperactivity look like?
I don’t have the “H” in my diagnosis, but one of the 2 hyperactivity traits I do have is the foot tapping and/or leg shaking thing when I’m seated. I noticed it in first grade and remember thinking “Gee, I hope this doesn’t carry through my whole life. I guess I can stop when I want.” (Yes, in Mrs. Harrison’s first grade class I thought such a thing.) I never outgrew it, and I can’t stop. Having 2 of the 9 markers for hyperactivity doesn’t put me into the combined subset. Then again, maybe I’m one of the % for whom the hyperactivity symptoms didn’t carrying over into adulthood…not enough of it anyway.
A few holiday seasons ago, I took a temporary position working six 11-hour days at an Amazon warehouse (lost 15 lbs in that time, I may add). My feet hurt so bad, I’d cry when I got home…but the constant activity of loading trucks and sorting boxes manually kept me going. Now I’m back to being a programmer at a mostly-desk job. I like the work, but I bore easily. I day dream. I multi-task. I find myself checking emails in the middle of assembling a web-based training course. One of my legs is always idling like some sort of rogue piston out of an engine.
And meetings…I HATE meetings! Especially if I have little to contribute or listen to. I don’t make binder-clip dinosaurs or paperclip bi-planes, but I would if I could and still keep my job (and the respect of my serious, non-ADD co-workers…fat chance). I fiddle with things. I put 2 or 3 pens between my fingers so I have “claws” like Wolverine or something. I doodle…or pretend to take notes when in fact I’m making a to-do list or (shhhh…) scribbling an idea for my currently in progress novel… Inside, I’m rumbling with impatience. I “want out” and feel a part of me is clawing the walls. Heck, you KNOW I stop paying attention once they hit on parts that don’t involve me or I just don’t care.
But you see…this is why I don’t let anyone at work know I have it. I’m afraid I’ll be booted to some reject pile and relegated to the ranks of the unemployed. It’s bad enough I can’t hide my restless foot and leg. Still, I’ve got ADD…not ADHD. Or, is the “H” just hidden a bit with the advancement into what’s supposed to be adulthood? Something to discuss perhaps when I see my overpriced doctor on Friday. After all, since I can’t afford it, it might be the last visit I go for (for a while).
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