Reply To: I don't understand the emo roller coaster

[Scattybird]

Hello allied – welcome to the site.

I cannot better kc and blackdog’s  answers. Unlike kc, I am one ‘of the ones’ who rides the emotional rollercoaster.

Any little thing can set me off and I don’t really understand it myself. However the key is ‘any little thing’. I can huff and puff and rant about things but really it’s an empty emotion. I get wound up about situations – people may bear the brunt of it but it’s the situation and not them that gets me going even if they are the cause of the situation.

So the drama queen moments are just bluster and hot air but with a hint of anger. A bark without a bite.

If something big happens to really justify anger then I remain calm and deal with it.

The reasons for the emotional outbursts are often because  I am feeling overwhelmed or frustrated at not having enough time to do something and if someone asks me to fit in just one more thing.  Failing to get a task done whilst others are piling up is the foundation for a trigger, at least at work anyway.  It can be frustrating because most of the time issues and overwhelm are because of my own inaction and lack of time awareness.

I think the bottom line is that the emotional rollercoaster  is predictable if you know the triggers. I have tried to hold in the emotion but it doesn’t work. It’s like the valve on a steam kettle, it has to blow. Sometimes it stimulates the brain into some activity and other times it’s just a release of tension.

I think the key point is it is his ‘failing’ (for want of a better word) and certainly not yours. He probably feels awful at you seeing his outbursts.

I now take Ritalin and it is wonderful for controlling emotional aspects of ADHD.  It gives me thinking time so I can limit my outbursts or go elsewhere to calm down.

ADHD is the reason but not an excuse – I have learned to give myself time out. Blackkdog’s punchbag is a good idea. Something physical is a good outlet.  Barkley’s videos are excellent –  but we need to ensure we take responsibility for lack of emotional regulation to minimise the effects on those whom we love.

Do discuss it with him. Bear in mind he probably feels guilty about it so he might be a bit defensive. Therefore don’t make a big thing of it. Can you have some kind of code word between you and him that alerts him that his behaviour is unacceptable? Or some gesture. That would get the message across without sparking an argument.

However, he should respect you and listen to what you have to say on the matter. I would not excuse his behaviour, nor mine for that matter, but sadly lack of emotional regulation and impulsivity is a difficult combination when also mixed with anxiety because of outside or internal influences.

PS – I just re-read your post. I was having problems with my ipod earlier – shows how good Ritalin is because I didn’t throw it out of the window.  So my PS……just a thought……but try not asking him why he’s angry. Is it possible to carry on as normal when he’s being difficult?If I have one of my hissy fits and people just ignore it and carry on as normal it’s nothing more than a childish tantrum…here and gone. If someone acknowledges it then I feel embarrassed or just can’t believe they don’t know why I am annoyed, which just makes it worse. Difficult I know…but just acknowledging his anger whilst he’s angry may not be helpful. 

Also, if he ever does go down the medication route, then he needs to be aware there is a balance between the right calming dose and too much (which makes me irritable; but everyone is different). 

 

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