Reply To: I don't understand the emo roller coaster

[sdwa]

I think it can be profoundly difficult. I’m the ADHD partner, and am triggered emotionally pretty much constantly by everything. My husband can feel that I’m taking it out on him – but he’s a mellow guy and tends to deflect my volatility with humor. He’ll sometimes get me to shift out of a mood by saying something like, “You’re not possible. You’re on the verge of becoming theoretical.” He’s good at making jokes, finding something absurd about the situation, finding the humor in it. That helps. If he reacted and became defensive, I don’t think our marriage would have survived this long. Right, so I have nothing useful to say other than that this is a very common problem for people with ADHD, it is part of the condition, and it is not about you. If you can learn to detach and not take it personally that might make it easier. It also might help to offer some kind of positive feedback in those difficult moments (that’s probably not when you want to give it, but it might help).

It would also be good if your husband could recognize for himself that “emotional disregulation” is part of the ADHD, and try to gain some perspective on it that way. For me knowing that it’s part of the constellation of symptoms makes it less of a character issue, which reduces the guilt and feelings of inadequacy about always being such a bundle of EMO, which in turn makes the big emotional responses less of a burden.

In my opinion, none of this stuff really gets solved with pills. Medication can help alleviate some of the worst symptoms, but in the end, other forms of help are probably necessary (like learning about ADHD, coaching, support groups).

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