Well, here I am.. what now..

[jill223]

Hi All,

I’ve joined as I’m at my wits end. I’m supposed to reach out and get support but I’d prefer to isolate- this is my attempt at reaching out I guess. My apartment has long been too cluttered to have company over, or some days even walk through. It’s so embarrassing, heaven forbid someone had to come in here…

I’ve been off work for a few months – financially I’m doing OK, but now that the clutter has chased and cornered me into my bedroom and I hyper focus on everything but looking for a new job. The simplest tasks I avoid. Like sending off my receipts for a medication claim that would give me 1000$… I’d have to print out the form, find the receipts, and mail it off.. so it gets put off.

Lately I’ve just become very irritable. I’m not sure if it’s the vyvanse, or the clutter, or boredom, but it’s not me. It’s a change and I don’t know what to do with it. I even went for a walk this morning to get rid of the excess energy, but nothing. I ended up doing my best to go to sleep and slept until 430pm. I’m still feeling irritable.

Is this normal for anyone else, or am I really a mess? lol.. I feel like I live such a dark secret every day and I can’t get out of it.

Well, this is quite the introduction- I’m sorry- I’m usually a very cheerful supportive person and I hope you’ll all get to know me. I’m here for help and friends and support- I’m supposed to reach out so this is my attempt as I have no clue what else to do..

Advice, opinions, lectures are all welcome 🙂

 

Jill

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[kc5jck]

Welcome @jill223.

I would guess from the tone of your post that you have been more or less recently diagnosed.  Much of what you say will resonate with the membership here.  We all have messy houses, avoid simple boring tasks, hyperfocus on anything interesting, usually the more unimportant, the more intent the hyperfocus.  We all waste time and feel bad about it, but often not so much so that we make the effort to be more productive.  We understand where you are coming from.  Is this a first for you?  Being understood.

There are a lot of good people on the site with a lot of good advice.  Take time to read through the forums.  Hopefully you will find a lot to relate to and feel like this is the place where you belong.

One thing that can help with completing simple boring tasks is to write down the two or three steps needed to complete it.  When you get up from wasting time on the computer to go pee, take the list with you and do the next thing on the list before getting back to wasting time.  Checking things off the list is really inspiring and gives a real boost to self esteem.  So go make your list and have a brew to help get things started.  😉

 

 

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[kc5jck]

Welcome @jill223.

I would guess from the tone of your post that you have been more or less recently diagnosed.  Much of what you say will resonate with the membership here.  We all have messy houses, avoid simple boring tasks, hyperfocus on anything interesting, usually the more unimportant, the more intent the hyperfocus.  We all waste time and feel bad about it, but often not so much so that we make the effort to be more productive.  We understand where you are coming from.  Is this a first for you?  Being understood.

There are a lot of good people on the site with a lot of good advice.  Take time to read through the forums.  Hopefully you will find a lot to relate to and feel like this is the place where you belong.

One thing that can help with completing simple boring tasks is to write down the two or three steps needed to complete it.  When you get up from wasting time on the computer to go pee, take the list with you and do the next thing on the list before getting back to wasting time.  Checking things off the list is really inspiring and gives a real boost to self esteem.  So go make your list and have a brew to help get things started.  😉

 

 

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

Welcome indeed. Keep sharing. And just as important, if not more so, read what others are posting. When you start to hear what others are going through and dealing with, it will give you perspective and reassure you that you are NOT alone. And that you are not WEIRD. And that EVERYONE struggles with this mindset as they try to figure it out.

The thing that keeps coming up for me is that 14 years after my diagnosis I still have bad days. And then I think, yeah, but before the diagnosis I had way more bad days. Or bad weeks. Or bad months…

The clutter is a big one. I still have so much stuff to toss. And it will only happen when I decide, “I could get to this one day… but on the other hand, when that day comes, would I want to spend it working on this… or doing something else, being with friends, spending time with my wife, seeing my kids, and so on and so on.

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[Scattybird]

Hi @jill223  – I have been meaning to say hello for a bit but last time I tried my computer crashed me out and time just disappears.

It’s hard to reach out – but this place is a great place to start. Have a read through the forum threads and you’ll see we all have a lot in common.

I know what you mean about clutter, not sending off your medication receipts and being irritable. You could have described me there – and indeed lots of us.

I have a real mental block about sending off my expenses and work now owes me thousands – I am not exaggerating either. Yet somehow I just can’t do it – it’s ridiculous. I  really must do the last lot or the receipts will be out of date. It’s not even like I can afford to lose the money and I am getting into debt over it – yet I could have got it all back!

Also, clutter. My house is so bad that I worry that if I die, I’d be so embarrassed that someone would have to clear all my stuff out that I’d die of embarrassment!  OK, I see the flaw there….

Last week I motivated myself to tidy my office at work. I just threw everything away. I now have a paper-free office and it’s lovely. In fact the cleaning lady thought I’d left when she saw it. I even got joke emails from people saying my office had been burgled. But it’s lovely to go into it and it’s lovely not to have to book the meeting room when I need to talk to anyone – I can use my office again.

I just need to try to declutter my house now. I seem to move stuff from one room to the next. I just need to throw it all away. In fact, maybe we should be declutter buddies!  I think folk at work have a sweepstake going to see how long my office stays tidy. I have had clear-outs before and it doesn’t last long – but it WILL this time.

The irritability you mention could be because you’re at home and not feeling happy about the clutter. I find if I get out I feel a lot better. You don’t have to reach out as such, but doing something to get you out of the house might help. Of course it could be your medication, but the only way to find out is to get out and see if that helps.

You describe it as living a dark secret – that’s a great description. I keep my blinds shut so nobody can see into my windows and I don’t need to answer the door.  But how much nicer to throw them open and let in the light.

Anyway, stay in touch. You’re not a mess – there’s a lot of us out there. 🙂

 

 

 

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