HELP, my college classes are kicking my ass!! I don't even know where to start!

[apothecia]

I’m hella smart, but I just failed my 3rd pchem exam, and I need this class to graduate! I also turn in every single report late, and am beat down from being flogged with bad grades. I am supposed to graduate the semester after next, and I am worried that, even if I successfully complete my double major in biochemistry and cellular-molecular biology, my gpa will be 2.7-2.9, which is generally too low to get into a good grad school. I am freaked out, frustrated, I don’t know how the hell anyone can make sense of the quantum stuff we’re learning, let alone complete a report on that shit. My test could have been written in Mandarin and I would not have done any worse. I already get disability accommodations, time and a half, etc. Didn’t help there. With regards to the paperwork, I always do an excellent job – get As from the teachers who accept late work and D-F from those who don’t.

It’s really demoralizing when your paper says “96% Great Job!!! 🙂 (2 days LATE) -40 points = 56% F

WTF am I supposed to think about that? Really?? Thank God I ended up with a severe case of DeQuervain’s in my right wrist and started growing a cyst on my bone so that my teacher would show some mercy and knock that shit off and give me some points back. It took a degenerative physical disability to get the relief that I needed from the late points, or else I would have failed that class too. After all of my late points were forgiven I ended up getting a B. Phew!
That was last semester – it was just awful. I was pulling successive allnighters just trying to keep up. I was having weekly meltdowns, and my blood pressure went way up. That passed, but now I’m going through it gain. I can’t get the paperowrk done fast enough and it gets backed up. I sit in front of my computer with the report I am supposed to write and I don’t even know where to start. It takes me sooooo long just to get started if I don’t understand the stuff I’m supposed to be writing about. The worst part is that I am in my late 30s and I have already had a career that I left to go back to school because getting a degree has alwyas been a dream of mine. In fact, I own my own side buisness and have always supported myself ever since I left home at 18. I am 5-10 years older than some of my teachers, and they really don’t know jack squat about the real world, but feel the need to punish my “laziness” with bad grades to teach me how to be more responsible so that I can get a job when I graduate. PfffT!!!

Does anybody have any tips, ideas, moral support for this? How can I get shit (paperwork) done faster? And I keep losing stuff too! Last week I showed up for a lab and everybody had their three copies of another report we were supposed to write. I’ve been to every class.. how could I not know this?? Oh, it was posted in an obscure place online that I don’t usually go to. Shit! Another zero! I get overwhelmed when I have to write too many notes on one page, so I use flashcards and small notecards. Finally figured out I need to paperclip those badboys together! (I actually really like them when they’re a complete set because you can just shuffle through them until you find what you’re looking for) I can’t remember stuff that I read for class, but I have an awesome memory for other stuff. It’s frustrating. I also can pick out other students like me. Enthusiastic, creative, extremely intelligent, motivated, most if not all assingments are late. It’s sad how their demeanor changes as the semester goes on and their grades go to hell because they are getting slaughtered by the late penalties. After my last semester, I felt like an abuse victim that finally got away, but not without scars. It would be nice if they gave back some points when you turn stuff in early, but they don’t. It’s one-sided and not balanced to punish for late work but not reward for early work. You should be able to redeem yourself somehow. I know that I’ll find a way to succeed, even if my GPA goes to shit, but it sucks when you’re in the middle of this institutional bs trying to make it when the odds are stacked against you. My mom said it was like I was on a treadmill of neverending work. This shit really, really gets me down sometimes. I feel stupid and worthless like I don’t even deserve to make it.

Thanks for reading my rant. Sorry I went off, but I’m sure there are several of you here that can relate.

• This topic was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.
• This topic was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.
• This topic was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.
• This topic was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.
• This topic was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.

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[That Guy with ADHD]

Hi Apothecia,
You will find many similar testimonials on this site which all have a common thread. They are all from real people struggling with real issues and wondering if they will ever find a solution. You may find a solution to your issues here in the forum, or elsewhere on this site or the web, or from psychologists, coaches and not all of them may work for you…. But you WILL find a solution. You may need help though and coming here is a good start. I just saw a lecture on ADHD and student accommodations and one of the main recommendations is to take on fewer classes (maybe 3 a term) so that you have more time to be good at the classes you are taking instead of being overwhelmed by them all at once. Yes, it will extend your schooling but if it improves your ability to cope with things and do better it may be worth it.

Best regards

Richard
AKA That Guy with ADHD

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[ladyviking48]

Hi Apothecia, I’m Vikinglady48! I’m here for moral support.I struggled alot at school too! After struggling for almost 2 yrs I bumped one of my courses and still managed to graduate with the rest. But I got the feeling all along that gee I know that school is supposed to be hard..but this is ridiculous! I would be sitting in the library sometimes at 9pm which was pointless because i dont have alot of mental energy past 6pm, maybe for reviewing work. I spent my 1st months at school with help organizing my projects in tutors office at lunch, sometimes ide use accomodations for exams in a quieter room.Sometimes didnt need it. I had a hard time the 2nd year because i took the more condensed courseload for that yr of studies.Its hard to work & do a good job at school, pay rent etc.real world.Somebodys always got an opinion at school.Just ignore teachers/people who act as though we are lazy.thats a mistake. Trouble with organization and lack of speed is not lazy.Different is ok, not less. If i could go back i would get extra student loans to help with rent, take even 1 less course each semester if possible.Having ADHD definitely can make going to school harder.All i ever wanted was to have the same opprtunity to suceed at school as everyone else.Not extra.I asked one teacher to use a personal recorder & listen to everything including his instruction on way home on bus. Relistening as needed.my lowest was a C. But it felt defeating knowing i was smart enough to understand the work but had difficulty presenting it on time. With enough time to process it i wouldve done better. The classic A’s & F’s report cards have more to with school rules and teachers than intellegence. Why is faster better. The schools run theses excelerated programs,fast paced programs.if we’re all paying the same money why can’t there be a little more time given without having to be made to feel like a second class citizen because of a different learning speed. I enjoyed your rant, I’m with you as many here are too and wish you the best in your courses. Somebody will see your gifts and appreciate you.It’ll be worth it. Dont forget to take short breaks.clear your head. All the best! Vikinglady48

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[apothecia]

Hi Richard and Vikinglady48! Thank you for your support. I apologize fro dropping so many s-bombs in the rant. Just since Friday afternoon I have spent over 20 hours in the computer lab (it is 8:00 a.m. Sunday morning) So far I am probably 30 hrs into this FTIR report and it’s still not done. I failed another test I didn’t have time to study for because I was trying to get this report done because it is already 10 days late. There is already another report due Tue on these gold nanoparticles we synthesized (super cool experiment) and this is only a two-unit lab. Every week is like this. I am only taking 13 units right now and it’s still tough (probably because they are all a perfect storm of physics and chemistry). When I graduate I will probably have a 2.75 from this college (2.9 total). I had wanted to go to PA school because I know I would be really good at it but it is extremely hard to get in with GPA below 3.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by apothecia.

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[apothecia]

Anyway, thanks for being there, and the comic relief totally helps too!

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