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Hey Joe:
YouTube may have some good videos that won’t cost anything to access. I’d look for ADD Crusher if you haven’t seen him (Alan Brown) before. He’s got some good quick tips. Also, your public library probably has David Giwerc’s Permission to Proceed, which is probably the best book I’ve read on ADHD. If you’re not a big reader, I’d go with YouTube.
For what it’s worth, I’m in my mid-50s, and got my diagnosis some time around age 45 or 47 – ? I don’t remember. I do remember I was frustrated by the lack of AFFORDABLE support and information resources. Totally ADD is great if you just want to connect with people who get it.
I was desperate enough, despite having lived in poverty and having been under-employed for my entire life…that I paid to work with a couple of coaches. They helped me identify specific challenges and obstacles to managing my life, and to find “strategies” (not one-size-fits-all, necessarily) for addressing them. I did that for a couple of years. They were more knowledgeable about ADHD than any therapist I’ve ever worked with, and I’ve probably seen about 20 of THEM in the last 30 years. For the past 3 or 4 years I’ve been working with a clinical psychologist who’s got 40 years of family counseling experience (is a Ph.D. – therapists with master’s degrees were clueless)…and it’s extremely expensive. The amount of money I put into getting help I could spend on college tuition, or a car, or a down payment on a home. Having a disability is EXPENSIVE. The early stages of trying to deal with the ADHD diagnosis were the hardest for me, because I didn’t understand what it was, really, or how it affected me, and least of all what to do about it. I hate that it costs so much, but I’m glad I spent what I did, despite not being able to afford it. That said, there are things you can do yourself that don’t cost much, if anything.
Having had time to get some perspective, and learn HOW to think about solving ADHD-related challenges…FREE things that help include: staying away from sugar and processed food, launching the day on protein, avoiding electronics for the hour preceding sleep, keeping possessions to a minimum, creating a permanent home for my stuff so it’s always there when I’m not using it. If I have to do an important project, I estimate how long it will take and then multiply that estimate by 3. I haven’t yet mastered the art of saying “no” to requests and opportunities, but I’m getting there. I have wall calendars with a whole month view in more than one room. I make to-do lists, and then DON’T give myself grief if I listed 10 things and only did 2 of them. Where help is available, I ask for and accept it graciously, even if I don’t like needing to.
I have been advised to keep and maintain a notebook or brag-wall or other visible or tangible reminder of all of the moments in my life that I feel proud of (whether society considers them markers of success or not – whether it’s having helped a random old lady carry her groceries up three flights of stairs, or the art projects I’ve completed, the books I’ve drafted, the certifications I’ve earned in various areas even if I’m still marginally employed, my peak experiences, like with weight-training and running, etc.). The brag-wall is for ME, not for other people!
You know, I’ve never even once gotten close to making six figures – EVER – and it’s amazing to me that you did that. I’m sure you’ve accomplished many things to even be able to get to that point in a career. Start noticing your “personal bests” – highlights of your life, things you’ve loved doing, what’s you’re passionate about, what draws your interest, what’s given you the most confidence, stuff you’re good at or what comes easily for you. And then add to it, and reflect on it. Also try to notice what’s going on, where you are, who you’re with, what you’re doing when you feel at your best. Then try to put yourself in that type of situation more often, in any arena where you feel more confident, more powerful, calmer, happier, more relaxed, better. Just start to notice when that happens, even if at first it’s just relief from feeling terrible.
I’m going to suggest that maybe your friends and associates have not written you off as lazy or worthless, that maybe you’re just feeling down and it FEELS like they’ve written you off, maybe because you’ve written yourself off, or because you’ve globalized some (temporary!) setback – but if there is concrete, objectively verifiable evidence to suggest that is, in fact, what they think, get some new friends.
I’m a pretty lousy friend, myself, because I generally forget to show up, or don’t feel like showing up because I need more quiet/alone time than most people. It isn’t that I don’t care, but that I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I only have the bandwidth for so many thousands of thoughts and impressions and clouds of energy and inflections of emotion and who knows what else flying at me when I’m around other people.
And I think particularly when you’re depressed, you’re going to feel tired a lot.
So, this is a “mindfulness” meditation I recently learned, and although I’ve always wanted to strangle people who told me to meditate, this one helps me get distance on my thoughts so I don’t have to believe everything I think. Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Because you always have your breathing, you can do this most anywhere. Breathe in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth gently, like you’re blowing through a straw. Try to keep your attention only on your breath. Pretty soon, thoughts will come up like clouds. They seem to have a life of their own. Where do they come from? Are they the result of a chemical process? Usually we attach to our thoughts and believe them, tell ourselves stories about them, let them run in loops. They’re in control of us; we’re not in control of them. While you focus on your breathing, thoughts will come up and make you forget to focus on your breathing, As soon as you realize that’s happened, label the thoughts as “thinking,” then return to focusing on your breathing. The idea is that after doing this practice for a while (it can be like five minutes at a time), you start to get some distance from your thoughts so you can let them go instead of attaching to them. You can observe them come up and float away like fish in a stream. I don’t think it’s a practice that’s ever perfected – there is never going to come a time when thoughts don’t come up and distract you, sooner or later. You may notice they tend to be about the same kinds of issues, and often observing the repetition can show you that they’re essentially fictitious – like, “oh, there’s that story again – whatever!” I do it to get myself OUT of the stream of panicky malarkey that tends to take over and if I believe it can lead to my making counterproductive decisions.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by sdwa.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by sdwa.