PLEASE share your story/journey after diagnosis, I feel so alone/confused at 28

[madisondee]

Hello,

My first time here.

I would love to hear stories about what you went through once you found out you had ADHD?

I’m going through a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. I don’t have anyone who understands and it’s very isolating. It would be so comforting to interact with you and hear your experience.

If you’d like to read more about me here is a (trying to be brief) story of mine. Read what you can if you want.

Back story:
I am a 28 year old women, I grew up in a very chaotic/poor/violent home life, I always always always hated school. And many people respond to that with “yeah I hated school too” but I always felt they didn’t really know what I meant. When I was little I thought I was an alien, and that they never came back to get me after leaving me here by accident. I was always the weird one, the outcast, as a child I was the mute, but after puberty I couldn’t shut up. I’m the silly one that puts their foot in their mouth and people refer to me as spacey and always have. I’ve had difficulty making friends while simultaneously having a few close friends for years at a time consistently. But I always felt I was more of a “party trick” for them and the person they brought out to liven things up and not so much someone they respected. I had a drinking problem as a teenager but managed to get it in check by 21. I never experimented with drugs due to the extreme amount of addiction in my family that left me feeling like I shouldn’t even try and play with that fire. I dropped out of high school after 2 weeks of 10th grade. I tried college twice in my early 20’s but couldn’t get myself to show up. I did get my GED at 18 after just waltzing in to the test and somehow passing. No studying at all (i’m lucky). I’ve always managed to hold jobs down relatively easily, although I’ve really hated all of them. I always hated the idea of being trapped in a building all day every day. I’ve been fired once for being late too much after working there for 4 years. My biggest problems at all my jobs were, always being late, talking to coworkers to much, and missing important details, but most of the time it wasn’t a huge deal because I’m really strong in most other areas and I can be charismatic and get myself out of bad situations relatively easily.

What led me to seek help:
At 26 my very supportive and sweet long term boyfriend helped me to decide that I should stop working and attend college full time. I started out with one class and built myself up. The start of school was the end to any peace I may have had previously. It was an absolute nightmare from the start, weekly meltdowns, my house was dirtier than ever, I stopped even cooking the simple things I did before (I hate cooking) and my poor boyfriend not only went from financially supporting me to picking up the few tasks that I did around the house and for the pets and he added that to his plate. I only focus on school, and it’s not even like it’s paying off, I still don’t do very well. as I put it to the doctor I was seeing for an injury (tripped down the stairs for no reason) “it’s like I’m in medical school but I’m only taking simple starter courses” I thought being an adult, with no responsibilities would mean I would be successful, and that wasn’t the case at all. And I knew for once in my life that I couldn’t try any harder than I already was. that’s when I knew something was wrong.

Diagnosis:
So, I sought out assistance from a clinic on my campus, at this clinic they had clinical psychologists in training working with a clinical psychologist professor overseeing them to test you for everything under the sun. I had a 10-hour total psychological assessment done split in to two sessions, this was comprised of more tests than I can count along with a two hour interview. Honestly, I thought I was going to be diagnosed with dysgraphia or discalculia. ADHD crossed my mind but I didn’t think that was the case, and didn’t consider for more than a moment. Well as of 3 weeks ago I went to meet with them for my results after waiting for 8 weeks to get the results. They said they found that I have ADHD, PTSD, and Major Depressive disorder. Turns out after speaking with my mother briefly, my 5th grade teacher mentioned she thought I had it, but my mom said after speaking to her again about it she revoked her opinion on it and had changed her mind? I personally don’t believe my mother, she was never very good at following up with serious issues and I’m more apt to believe she just blew off the teacher’s recommendation.

The emotional rollercoaster: (the most important part)
The last three weeks I’ve been hyper immersed in reading about adhd and it’s uncanny, I feel like I’m reading about myself, when I watch videos about it, I start crying because I can’t believe how creepy it is, its’ like they’re in my head. Down to nitty gritty details I can relate to everything. And then at the same time I’ve been going through these weird days where I question it. I told my closest and oldest friend about having adhd and while she meant well and was very kind in her wording I could sense that she doubted I have it. I can tell my mom doubts it too. And when I talk about it with my very loving/supportive boyfriend of 7 years he even clams up like he wants me to stop talking about it. My new psychiatrist whom I met with the other day was asking me questions and I feel like he is questioning it too. He even asked prior to writing my script “be honest you’ve experimented with Adderall already, most people your age have” Well I never have and it made me feel bad about myself, like he didn’t trust me and thinks I’m faking it. It makes me wonder am I trying to believe I have something I don’t just to justify my failures? I feel guilty. Could they have made a mistake at the university clinic? they gave me all the recommended tests for adhd. But I know it’s hard to diagnose. I’m feeling so insecure and confused about this diagnosis. And at the same time I find that I’m having almost hourly revelations about myself, today for example I realized that this really connects the dots when it comes to the financial issues I’ve had, I’ve always been SOO bad with money and credit cards, I have a bad credit score and paying bills was always hard for me even if I had the money, its like it was too stressful to even confront? and then at the same time an hour later I find that I’m question my adhd again, today it’s because I’m on my second day of my new Ritalin prescription and I find that it’s making me ‘hyper focus’ more and making me zone out more. There are less thoughts, but I am more consumed for longer periods of time on just one thought, to the point that I tune out everything around me. Does the Ritalin not working mean I don’t have it? I don’t know anymore. I’m feeling so lost.

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[kbmc]

Hi! I hate that you’re feeling so lost with your adhd diagnosis. Im 27 years old, female A back story of mine- I was diagnosed at 10/11 years old. My teacher told my parents and they had me tested. I remember hours of testing and having a neuropsychiatric eeg done. Because this was years ago, not much information was out on how to handle adhd. I was on Ritalin a few years and then for some reason my doctor switched my medicine to concerta, which did absolutely nothing at all for me. I was on and off through high school, and beginning of college. I always felt like I wasn’t normal, word vomit of just stupid stuff, super hyper active, binge eating, never felt like I had control over my body. I could never express who I really was. This also led to anxiety and depression.
I always knew I had adhd, but again didn’t know much about it. It wasn’t until I took a psychology course that it hit me. IT IS REAL AND THERE IS SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE NOW! It was the wake up call I was looking for. I remember going to a book store and sat there for hours reading about adhd with anxiety and depression. I booked an appointment with my doctor for my medication. I told her concerta was not working, I was angry, still struggled, and I just wanted to feel like a normal human. She put me on adderall and it changed everything for me. I finally had control over my life and everyone around me soon realized how much it was helping. My husband didn’t believe adhd was a real thing until he met me. I finished college and actually ended up double majoring, one major in psychology. I was also working during college.
I still struggle with some things, which I feel is just part of adhd. I feel like I can do everything and get overwhelmed when I can’t. I’ve learned it’s ok to ask for help. My medication has also helped a lot with my anxiety and depression. I also started exercising regularly. Since people with adhd lack serotonin, being more active really helps. I don’t let adhd stop me even though makes things more challenging at times. It’s a learning curve at first. Getting on the right medication for you is definitely difficult, but extremely crucial. If you don’t feel like it’s working, speak up. No one knows your body better than you. With many medications you’ll get the jitters at first, but they eventually go away. I wouldn’t recommend drinking any caffeine with medicine though. I’ve heard a lot of people starting out on vyvanse say good things. They don’t feel zoned out or zombie like. My thinking on it though is “ok adhd is part of who I am. Now how can I make my self better?”
I’m sorry for the novel! I hope this gives you a little encouragement!
-K

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