Frustrated Professional

[Anonymous]

Well, 48 male and diagnosed a couple of months ago. I had my appointment with an ADHD specialist who, after an hour of Q&A prescribed Concerta. I have been taking the lowest dose for a couple of weeks and the improvements are marked. I am more easily brought back on task by others and by myself. I wished I had known many years ago. My initial responses have been partly relief at knowing why I am the way I am, but mostly frustrated at the opportunity cost.

I supposed it will all subside with time. I have a follow-up with the prescriber in a couple of weeks. We’ll see how that goes.

Just telling my story. I am a professional who has been frustrated be my apparent inability to excel my whole life. I am lucky that I have been surrounded with mostly supportive people. Were it not for that I believe I would be much worse off.

Short post here, as I don’t have the patience to go on, yet. Maybe I will repost when things are substantially better. In the meantime, Best wishes.

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[Anonymous]

Brett – amen on the “opportunity cost.” I’m 42 and just diagnosed. Although I’m fortunate to be where I am in my career (considering my almost complete lack of ability to focus), I’ve always wondered why I wasn’t further along. Why I hadn’t been promoted, etc, etc. And I too am lucky to be surrounded by supportive people, both in my personal life and in my career.

But, yeah, those nagging questions. How would I have done in high school? Would I have gotten into Yale instead of UGA? Would I have gone to business school? The list goes on and on.

I am really encouraged however, to hear that your improvement with medicine has been good. I’m still waiting to see what they will put me on….and just really wondering, “what will it feel like to focus for the first time ever?”

And the only thing I have to offer about the feeling of “what could have been” is a core belief I have that everything we do is just “steps on a path.” Right now, I’m choosing to have some hope and trying (hard) to let go of the past. To let the old voices die away.

Thanks for offering your story.

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[Anonymous]

Hi Brett,

When I was finally diagnosed I wanted to whine about the ‘what might have been’ scenarios. If I had only known I was ADHD earlier on……I could have….. what? Maybe I wouldn’t have been much different at all! The extra years I’ve added to my age has given me more life experiences and ‘wisdom’ to draw upon as I go through life. Years ago, just knowing I was ADHD wouldn’t have given me the wisdom of the life experiences or the knowledge I’ve gained.

As my dear S-I-L explained her life experience to me one day, I realized I really did have a lot going for me and I needed to deal with life right where I am now instead of looking back and thinking about all the what ifs. She struggled to get a diagnosis for all her physical complaints after many repeated attempts to get her doctor to understand how badly she was feeling.

After repeated visits over the course of a year, she was given a referral to see a psychiatrist to help her learn how stress from her job because THAT was the source of her physical pain. A year’s worth of visits to the psychiatrist did nothing to help her handle the stress better because her pain was still there.

I encountered similar symptoms and was eventually diagnosed and needed surgery to remove a very large abdominal tumor. After speaking to her (she’s in the southern US, I’m in Canada) we realized we had nearly identical symptoms. The ending to her story has not been as fortunate as mine and she goes for chemo every 3 weeks, for life, which will be when this chemo stops working. There are no other ones for her doctors to try on her.

Since she is American, I assumed (incorrectly) that she and her husband would want to sue her original doctor because he repeatedly told her over the course of the first year of visits that her pain was all in her head. The psychiatrist continued on with the same belief for yet another year.

She said to me, “No, I have no interest in sueing. I haven’t got time to waste on that. I have to spend all my time and thoughts on making the most out of the days I have left. Worrying about what might have been won’t help me to enjoy and make the best of the rest of my life.”

Her words made me realize that I had to get over/get past the ‘snit fit’ stage I’d allowed myself to get hung up on/in over the problems I’d had trying to get my diagnosis. Yes, my doctor gave me a hard time and even threatened to commit me for 72 hours if I even raised the ADHD issue again. I was really angry over how I had been treated at that time. But my SIL made me realize I had to move on and look forward to my life ahead of me instead of what was in the past.

You will do well and you’ll get lots of support here from the wonderful people who come on the forums. There have been lots of nasty stories that others have also gone through in their quest for answers. Be encouraged that you have finally received a diagnosis because now you have been empowered. Look forward and enjoy!

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[kc5jck]

Dougie – you might like to read and respond to http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=25&page=2

if you haven’t seen it yet.

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[Anonymous]

zsazsa, good and wise words. thank you. kc5, will do.

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[Anonymous]

I was recently diagnosed at age 49. I have a profession and had a lot of good (but boring!) jobs…I quit them all. I started a few businesses and quickly lost interest. So now I am unemployed with a terrible looking resume, debts and a spouse that is pretty disappointed in me (and I don’t blame her).

I’m trying not to focus on what could have been. Of course those thoughts are still there and I wonder if I would be a success today if I had known and treated this earlier. I spent the past 10 years reading self-help books, but never was able to tie in my problems to ADHD…it took someone else to point me in that direction. So I’m a frustrated that I couldn’t figure this out sooner.

I’m trying to focus on better late than never and what I still have rather than what I may have lost. I still have time to turn my career around and my wife is still by my side…so I’m down but not defeated. Also, I have 4 kids who may be ADHD as well, so maybe they won’t need to wait 49 years for help.

I just turned 50 and started meds 3 days ago…so hoping for big things in my 50’s!

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[Irish10]

pjp, thanks for your post. It’s interesting to note that even though ADHD started to be recognized and studied about 30 or so years ago by the medical profession, there still is much that isn’t known about ADHD specifically and the brain in general. A couple of good reference books, in my opinion, are: ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by J. Kolberg & K. Nadeau, as well as The ADHD Reader. The ADHD Reader can be obtained at addresources.org. Since ADHD is in the genes, it’s worth taking note of any ADHD type of behavior in your children and getting them checked out, if that’s the case. Good luck.

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