A Question About Therapists

[Anonymous]

I already asked a question, but here goes:

How many sessions would it reasonably take to establish whether or not you work on the same “wavelength” as your therapist? At what point do you say “this is not working”?

My new therapist is very blunt and today said some things to me that I have a fundamental problem with, and somewhat undermine my faith in his advice, for me personally. I realize that he is still a person, with views of his own, but I fear there is a personality conflict there that could cause problems down the road. I feel guilty for being offended, but at the same time, it’s plain that he and I are two very different people and communicating productively could be an issue.

How picky should I be? Is it fickle to “shop around”? Is it detrimental to continue seeing a therapist who doesn’t understand where I’m coming from? (He understands what I say, writes it down, and then often reverts back to incorrect assumptions in the space of a single session.)

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[Flashlight]

Are the misunderstandings regarding important issues or nitpicky details? What was the therapist blunt about? Just be direct right back at your therapist letting them know what concerned you about them.

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[Anonymous]

Howdy Meg…..here’s my story (in a nutshell). It is not advise….it is just what worked for me, maybe there is something here you can use??

The best thing that ever happened to me was my counselor. My counselor was not an ADD specialist, nor a psychiatrist nor a GP. he was a counselor….maybe a social work degree or a psychologist. To tell you the truth I never read his degree on the wall???

I felt comfortable with him, I trusted him completely from very early in the process….that for me was important. He seemed to read me very well. He was tough…..I was a hard case. He was empathetic but not wimpy. He would not be manipulated, nor bullshitted. He had life experience…..not just book educated. We related on a life level. He cared……if I cared!!! He would not allow me to waste his time……if I was working, he had forever for me.

My counselor never told me much…..he asked me all the right questions (over time) that allowed me to gain insight into to who I really was, and be true to myself. He only assisted me ( continually guiding me back out of my head and into my heart) ) to find my path in life, after all it was my path I needed to find, not some predisposed path. He helped me see who I had been and why and what damage that may be causing me and my relationships with others. He assisted me in relating to others and myself in a way that paralleled to who I am.

He assisted me in understand “my” true perceptions and how my perception cause my emotions and affect my behavior. I eventually could see how my perception guides me and where my vision may have been distorted and how that distortion can distort my reality, my life and my happiness!!!!! Importantly he taught me to be kind, gentle and loving with myself for the past and in the future,and with others.

What I have ended up with is…. being aware very aware of who I am what I believe, and what is truly important to me. I have learned how to follow my heart and not live in my head. My head can be destructive….my heart is always true. I still struggle and learn and fail and succeed……and that’s all fine.

As I said he was not an ADD specialist…..funny, that was not all that important. What he was, was a guide, a person who could help me find me, and my heart, and assist me in developing my skills to live in my heart.

I have tried many counselors with my partner, we were having marriage issues, children issues etc etc………they were all woefully inadequate. Sure they said the words but………no connection. Many were in more need of counseling than I was….most actually.

So……yes, I would shop, just as you would take the time to shop for a new car, the freshest tomatoes….new shoes that fit!!! This could potentially be the most important thing one ever does. It was for me, and my life has changed forever. This was many many years ago and I am still on my path, guided my heart. I have no regrets, my life is very full and I am very content….what more could I ask of my life????

I am a person whose brain processes in ADD fashion, I am still married after 36 years, my children are 26 and 30, they are nice people…….I am at peace and love my life to the fullest…….what more could I ask????

Almost forgot….I was with him around 3 years…..it did not happen over night. It was not an over night trip to get to where I was, I was not going to unravel it in 10 days!!!!

We may be stronger than we think……..it just takes the right key to unlock ourselves.

toofat

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