feel like i'm wearing everyone out

[Anonymous]

So i know i’ve seen some topics on the forum abotu talking about ADD and ADHD too much. I just recently found out about my ADHD and of course you could imagine at 31 years old with a history of failures and mix-ups I want to talk about it all the time. I know it passes and I go through days where I dont want to talk about it at all. Recently when I talk about it to some of my closest supports around me I get the sense that they are tired of hearing about it. I still have a couple of friends and family memembers who actually will engage me into the conversation but for the most part its me doing the talking and its always about ADHD. When I start to see the subject change attempts I just feel bad about starting the conversation. It kind of has made me not want to talk about it much. I know that it’ll be ok and everything is fine. No one is going to write me off becasue I talk about ADHD too much. I guess i’m just becomming frustrated and need to vent.

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[dspicelady]

I feel the same. My husband is pretty much fed up with hearing about it. My kids scatter if I’m on the computer or have an ADD book at hand. Self education, I guess, Is SELF education. The part that is annoying to me, probably another ADD trait, is that one of my daughters has ADD and it is highly suspected that my husband has it as well. I would think they would want to understand or at least be aware of the many aspects of this.

The other day, my daughter was experiencing a bit of rebound from her concerta. My husband was freaking out about how miserable she was and wanted to punish her for her mouthiness, etc. Of course an argument between the two happened. I’ve been working on my impulsivity and trying really hard not to get into the middle of these things, but I ended up having to get involved. After explaining to both of them what was likely happening, my husband says to me, ” Well how the heck am I supposed to know this stuff?!” Hmmmmmm, I guess he could have listened to me when I was telling him about symptoms, meds, therapy, side effects, struggles, any number of topics. Instead he thinks we should be able to just take a pill and all should be good.

Now on the other side of the coin, and forgive me this flip, but I for one, can become very obsessive when it comes to any new interest. Learning about ADD definitely qualified as a new interest. My hubby, I’m sure remembers when I took up running, vegetarianism, real estate, my mother-in-laws failing health…..all of these things were researched with gusto and spoken of incessantly. It does become overwhelming for someone else to hear so much about something that is of little interest to that person.

It can be very difficult for everyone involved. It is hard to find someone to listen to our struggles on a fairly regular basis, but it is equally difficult to be that person who.

Again, grateful for this website and forum!

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[Anonymous]

I agree i’m very greatful to have this resource available to let out my frustration and to find others who like me have such a hard time with others would qualify as “little things”. I too become very passionate about anything I want to learn about and kind of go overboard when it comes to educating other people. I guess it could be quite overwhelming or mundane when you dont care about the subject.

Thats too bad about your husband, i’m sure that the good times out weigh those times of not understanding. My family has suffered quite a bit from me not knowing about my own ADHD, and I kind of feel compelled to do the justification thing still. I guess the only thing I can do is continue the way I am and eventually they will tell me to stop talking about it or i’ll get over it.

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[Anonymous]

i have family who refuses to admit i have ADD, they say i am just rashness person.since i am without a job, cannot afford living alone , so i still live with my parents. i know i m impulsive, do 5 things at the same time, trying to “cure” my add by doing meditation and training target shooting. can say i m pretty good in target shooting, my trainer wants me to go on competitions, but when i come home, i dont have support .they always criticize me ,whatever i do /did in my life, never is good enough. my family thinks add is something what you can change in one day if you want. it is funny to them when i say add is like watching 20 programs on tv at the same time.

when i go out with friends, during the conversation i jump from one subject to another, later i remember something and jump back on some subject we talked about .many of them cannot follow me. in the other way, i know tapping with my fingers or playing with ,for example a piece of paper, cigarette box ,can be annoying to others , they think i dont pay attention to conversation, so i concentrate not to do it, but then my concentration goes on that which results in slacking in conversation ….to me , it is hard to balance with all this in my head and relationships with pple who dont have add or dont want understand how it looks like .

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[Anonymous]

Dear Kylep,

I had the same problem. I know what you mean. I, now, take it as an opportunity to inform people about ADHD, and that it is a disorder. I know that I get a better response from people when I also talk about my victories. I have been working very hard to change my habits. I used to have such a hard time organizing myself at home. I have really worked hard at consciously changing some bad habits to good habits. The trick is to make tasks unconscious so that you dont have to think about it. When we think about something that is when our brain does not want to work so we loose focus. If something is a habit you dont think about it. I have changed quite a few behaviors. When the person that I live with gets impatient about something that I do I point out the 2,3 bad habits that I replaced with good habits.

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[Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD]

If you find yourself wanting to talk about your ADHD again and again and again, as I know I did when I was first diagnosed, it may be because you feel you have to convince others.

Or convince yourself.

Or you may not feel that people are ‘getting it’ and that you are not being ‘heard’.

Do any of these ring true for you?

Even now, because we have done the documentary and this website, I can get going and it becomes a monologue while the other person nods, then glazes over, then starts trying to find something, anything, to look and possibly change the topic. “That’s interesting. Say, is that the sun up the in the sky there?”

It seems like a lot of ADDers want to share our stories with anyone and everyone. My friend, a former comedian and well-known television credit found out he was bipolar about two years ago. He told me that he was so astounded, and it made such sense, he was telling everyone, “Even strangers on the elevator!” He realized it was probably a bit in appropriate, maybe even counter productive, and he admitted he was doing it less and less, but I understood completely where he was coming from.

We get evangelical.

Once we see a way out of the endless frustration, we want to save others.

But consider the Jehovah’s Witnesses who come to your door. What do you make of them? Do they convert people to their religion? Rarely. Most people can’t wait to get rid of them. They may even creep you out a bit.

So it’s noble to wan to fight misinformation, if, for example, someone is spouting off nonsense.

But just constantly steering the conversation to my own problems is not good. It has cost me friendships.

And I don’t blame them.

So, how do you break the habit, or compulsion, to talk about your ADHD?

One strategy that works really well is to write it out. Write your story out in a journal, or a diary, or just create a document on your computer and type away. Get it all down. All of it, every detail. Pour it out. You can even go back and fill in details, all the upsets and the excitement and the regrets, “I could have been Bill Gates if only someone had noticed…” and so on.

Writing it out somehow breaks the conversation loop in my head. I’m sure Dr. J could explain why.

If you are still finding yourself wanting to talk about your ADHD again and again, do this: Sit down, and read what you’ve written. Aloud. With gusto and verve and emotion. If it’s about suffering, then really feel the suffering. Get right into it. Woe is me.

And when you come to the end, go back to the beginning and start again, reading it aloud. All the way through. And then do it again. Don’t stop until it no longer has a hold on you. At some point, trust me, you will begin to hear it as noise and you’ll just want to stop and move on. You actually become bored with your own drama. It is like a switch goes and you find yourself thinking, “Whatever.”

Try it.

It’s incredibly powerful.

I still do this exercise when I’m stuck on something that could have been, should have been, or continues to bug me.

Lemme know how it goes for you!

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[Monika]

I think the hardest thing for people without ADD to process is the inconsistency. Some days are better than others, at least in my world. This is the best way I’ve ever heard it explained is this.

ADD affects the frontal cortex of the brain which is in charge of executive functions (directing the brain on what to do, how to act, what to say, what to focus on etc.).

In that respect, it’s like the conductor of an orchestra, telling the strings, brass etc. when to play. When the conductor doesn’t have the music or doesn’t conduct properly, the resultant sound is less than melodious and can at times be painful to listen to. However, when the conductor is at his best,timing is together and music is heard.

The inconsistency of this can lead people believe that the behaviors they see are willfulness, disobediance or non-compliance instead of a true brain miscommunication.

I use this analogy alot, I only wish I remembered who told this to me to give them credit.

I hope it resonated with someone. , M

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[Anonymous]

The music analogy is a good one. It’s so great to hear from people who understand. I’ve had a really crummy day today. I appreciate this web site more than I can express.

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[Anonymous]

Thank you so much everyone, the wisdom here is astounding.

Rick, I started to keep a journal the first day that i started on my medication, but I have to admit that i’ve fallen off a bit and havent written in a while and it seems like the habit of doing so every day has worn off and its done whenever I think it would be a good idea to write. A lot of times I just dont want to sit for such a long period of time. I have a hard time making anything short and simple like you all might do as well. 1 page easily turns into 7-8 and the 15 minutes I set aside ends up being a couple of hours of paper wading and trash hoops. I do feel like I have to explain a lot. Since i just found out at age 31 and lived a lie for this time I feel like people might think that I am “faking” it or using it as a crutch.

mmarcel, I agree being so inconsistent is a burden to me, my family is tried of how I used to be, and like so many other people in my life they thought that the adderall would be the magic pill and i’d be a chipper happy camper like they have dreamed.

I know that there are good days and bad and that I should communicate with people about everything, I’m just really frustrated with things and how things have been going, There are other factors in my life and maybe i’m using other things to worry about so i dont focus on the real isues that are bothering me. One thing about me is that i’ve always been told that i’m too smart for my own good. I know this gets thrown around a lot but I am too smart for my own good, and maybe that makes it harder for me to cope with and deal with things. I dont know.

I dont like my brain so much these days. I wish tehre was an off switch

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[Anonymous]

Hi kylep…….. I understand the position. I am a person whose brain functions in what they call the ADD mode…… I’m sixty and have know for the best part of my adult life. So this is not new or fresh by any means…. and I’m good with it, great actually. I can honestly say…. the people that I have shared this fact with I could list on my fingers. Family…. and I mean my immediate family, partner and children know, and understand, it but that is where it stops pretty well…. awww maybe a few others, but that’s it.

Why???? Well it seems… are you ready for this……..I’m not going to be popular by saying this, but………. my experience says……….. MOST OTHER PEOPLE DON”T GIVE A SHIT. Sorry, sure there may be a few who do, but…. by and large, other people have their own lives and issues to deal with. You might get an “oh wow”, a gee whiz, …… or “what the hell is it”…….maybe an, “I think my (………….) has it”. But fact is folks…. most people out there just don’t have the empathy some folks think they should have???? We seem to have quite a number of folks who visit the site and seem to be just plain angry that others don’t seem to get it, or don’t care. Well this is not the only thing they don’t have room in their lives to care about…… sorry, but that’s they way it is. Harsh eh!!!

Funny thing about people is…. they are who they are, and being mad at them for who they are, is the same position we often find ourselves in, only the reverse side of the coin for us. People get frustrated with us too…. some get angry, some berate us for who we are… so how is that working out??? That old mirror is sometimes hard to face…..

It’s my position that this is my life, I am responsible/accountable for what I do with it….. it is up to me to make it shine, or not. If I am not happy with where I’m at, then damn it….. I should do something about it. Learning about, and understanding ADD years ago gave me an opportunity to work with what I have in my toolbox. I feel it is not appropriate for me to beleaguer the rest of the world with how my body functions, I know I would not appreciate it being done to me. If the subject came up in conversation… and I don’t know why it would…. ever……. I would share what I know….. but that’s it. I don’t hide either…from anything or anybody, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed, I’m one of those people who is thrilled about how my brain works…so…there you go.

It’s my life ……..mine. That simple fact carries great responsibility and accountability. End of rant…..

toofat

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[Anonymous]

i’d really like to just get over it all so I can try to make the most out of what I have left of my life. I’m hitting a low, and I know I should talk to my doctor.

I’m just really sad about so many things and now this post has kind of changed subjects, and has morphed into another topic but we’ll just post that later, or get over it I suppose.

I guess what i’m finding out is that I need someone to talk to that I can trust. I only see my theropist on a case by case basis right now. I know I need to make an appointment with him soon, maybe tomorow.

I dont like going though because I only have an hour, and at the end I leave feeling bad because i’ve talked the entire time, changed subjects over and over, get little resolution from talking, and my theropist tells me things I already know I need to do or have done with no results.

There is one underlying condition about me that I believe would contribute greatly to my happieness but that is going to be so difficult, deffinately something for mark and I to talk to. I’m trying to find a new theropist but as it is, I get 3 or 4 more hours with mark for free before I have to switch over to another one so i’m not in a hurry to use up all my time unless I really need to and bla bla bla.

I have to go, this sucks, sorry my typing is getting bad and i’m leaving out letters and typing too many letters. I know you dont know cause I have that luxurey, or curse.

arg…..kylep

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[Anonymous]

Hey kylep……. this (right here) a great place to share, vent or just chat. The people here are “your people” so feel free!!! By the way spelling doesn’t count!!! Hahahahaha.

Your stronger than you think maybe……????

toofat

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[Anonymous]

Toofat.

Is it correct that you are at the young age of 60?…. Were you diagnosed just recently with ADD/ADHD or was it when you were much younger? Just curious as I see in this post you say you have known that you have add mode “for the best part of my adult life”. I enjoy your posts and insight I guess is why I am asking…

nj

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[Anonymous]

arg….. and so it begins again. But I think i’ll make light of the situation and not stress out about my writting today. This time i’ll send this post. Yeah it still bothers me.

toofat, thank you so much, and thank you to everyone else that has taken time to read my complaints, commented to try to help, and to make me fell like a part of the group I really appreciate it.

Right now with the way things are in my life I think I need a good support group that understands the problems I face everyday. More and more every day I find myself needing confidence and self esteem. Talking to people outside of this community is starting to get bad for me. At the time when I engage the conversation things are fine and then after a few tears and complaints I’m left with a feeling of guilt and regret, that my situation, and my problems are nothing. It shatters my self esteem and my confidence, it makes me feel like I just complain all the time, like i’m no good.

I know that i’m being hard on myself but with all the years of conditioning and being told that I was lazy or stupid or (insert your own remark) it makes it hard to get out of the rut and get back on the road that I need to be. Wow this STBUX got busy quick. Anyways, Thank you again, I think things will get better eventually. My counceler is supossed to call me at work today to set up an appointment so yeah It can only get better, nothing could be worse feeling than what its like right now (to me at least).

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[Anonymous]

MMarcel – I think you are exactly right on!!

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