making work, work?! Has anyone else felt like this??

[Anonymous]

I’ve always had difficulty with typical office jobs. Sitting at a desk for eight hours is pretty much impossible for me. When I became a reporter for a small, local weekly newspaper I thought my problems were solved. I was rarely in the office at a desk. I could come and go as I pleased and worked flexible hours. In other words, I could make my work, work for me. I was often on the road with the camera and writing pad to cover local events and that part was great. When I got bored and fidgety in the office I’d just go for a walk, a drive, whatever.

The downside was that eventually I did have to write. Which took concentration. That part was hard. I’d avoid writing until the last day before deadline… even then sometimes put it off until the early morning hours before forcing myself to get the job done at 5 a.m. When I did write- I would be so hyper-focused that any distraction would have me lashing out ; angry and annoyed. Basically, on my writing day no one could come near me. I often used alcohol to help me settle before writing, knowing it was the only “medication” that would slow me down enough to focus. Five years of that lifestyle took it’s toll on my mind, body and the people I love. I was put on sick leave for depression and anxiety.

I’m supposed to return to work in the next month and am dreading it. I’m afraid of going back to my former lifestyle and not being able to cope. Not being able to stop my mental engine. Also, I have a new boss whom I’ve yet to meet. One that may not be as accommodating to my need to constantly move and take frequent breaks as former editors were. Also, although I’m a good enough writer and people love my work- I have frequent problems with self-editing, meaning I often overlook small, but important details. Other editors (who I think kinda got me) overlooked those issues because I was creative and impulsive. What if the new editor insists on attention to detail- I’d be lost!!!!

Has anyone else felt like this?//??

Since watching ADD and Loving it?! I feel a renewed sense of hope!!!!!!! I have my first ever appointment with a psychiatrist coming up soon which my Dr. referred me to as a last ditch effort to figure out my supposed anxiety issues. I’m hoping if I level with them they will test me for ADD. My mother wanted to have me tested as a kid but my dad refused. Funnily enough when I brought this up to my husband he confessed he had watched the ADD and Loving It show months ago and then found this website. At the time he thought it sounded just like me and had looked up this website. But he said he didn’t want to share it with me in case I felt insulted/ judged. Wish he would have, because it’s wonderful.

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[Anonymous]

yes! felt exactly that way! you are not alone. i even did a stint in the newspaper business, although it was in the form of being in the journalism school…as part of the photo course i discovered that i LOVED doing stringer work for exactly the reasons you stated above. but sitting and writing…awful.

try the meds. they may be able to help you sit and write. writing is THE hardest thing for me (just finished a masters, unmedicated, talk about torture i find that white noise in a headset can help, or at least a sound blocking headset. your work may HAVE to provide that for you as part of acomidations (and yes, in the US – not sure where you are.) also, sounds silly, but tootsie pops help me. i bite my fingernails, and if i have the tootsie pop….i don’t. and i’m calmer. not sure why.

i was also told by a great mentor to only write every other day (which you probably can’t do at a job.) get up super early and write before you do anything else. not good for a job i suppose since you have to get there, but still… see if you can get an editing buddy – someone to swap stuff with to edit.

wait til you meet your boss to be afraid. might work out ok. altho, like you, i fret. easier to say than do

the meds should help. a lot. they alwasy help me. (no insurance right now, so no meds, but i’m hopeful

let us know how you do!!! good luck!

rufina

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