Self diagnosis made me cry

[Anonymous]

I am 42 years old and have been an Occupational Therapist for 13 years. I started working with children in the school system a few years ago and had to work with children on the ADHD spectrum. I was pretty stunned by the fact that I recognised a huge number of symptoms in the children that I had as a child (and still have as an adult, albeit controlled – to a degree). I recorded the PBS show ‘ADD and Loving It?!’ and only got round to watching it this weekend. The bells were ringing (clattering) so here I am, checking out the website. I was pretty sure that I was inattentive but not hyperactive. I took the test and got 9/9 for inattentive and 8/9 for the other 2 (I’m so inattentive I don’t remember what they were!!!). I had NO IDEA that my fidgety behaviour, the fact that my insides want to scream when I am in meetings, the fact that I can walk out of a grocery store when there’s only one person in front of me at the checkout because I can’t handled waiting any longer was actually ‘hyperactive’ behaviour. I have been criticised my whole life for my ‘impatient, selfish’ behaviour. It made me cry to realise that this is what was ‘wrong’ with me (I’m still crying as I write this). I haven’t lost jobs because of it, but I have moved on very frequently (probably frequently enough that I’ve managed to fool people into thinking I don’t work in chaos (when I am constantly) and I have good time management skills (whichj I definitely don’t).

My question now is: is there any benefit to getting an official diagnosis?

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[Anonymous]

I’m 51 and I was recently diagnosed as well. My story is incredibly similar to yours (especially the grocery store part and the wanting to scream in meetings part). I don’t work with children, but I have an Aspie nephew.

The only reason I sought an official diagnosis is because I was having ADHD related trouble at work and was afraid of losing my job. I believe that the grief I experienced over the loss of my dad triggered increased inattentive behavior to the point where my usual “work-arounds” were not working. Once I got the diagnosis and was put on Ritalin (and now Concerta), I feel more “normal” than I ever have.

I can follow my own train of thought when I’m running my mouth, which is huge for me. It was always so frustrating to be in the middle of telling someone something and go off on a tangent and not be able to get back to the original topic because I couldn’t remember what it was.

I can concentrate when people at work are explaining things to me, and I’m actually getting it now. Before, I was too busy thinking about how I would not get it, even before the person was finished.

And I could go on and on about the little things that have improved for me since then.

So, in answer to your question, from my point of view, the benefit to getting an official diagnosis, even if you don’t plan to take medication right now, is that if something happens to you like what happened to me, it would be easier and faster for you to get the medication if you already had an established diagnosis.

But really, unless the ADHD symptoms are causing real problems for you, there is no benefit to getting the diagnosis except for maybe some peace of mind for you. Which actually could be a huge benefit. It’s completely up to you.

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[Anonymous]

Thanks, that’s great advice. I am ‘mid-move’ at the moment (heading back to the UK having spent the last 7.5 years in Canada). This move is an important one as I’m moving in with my boyfriend (first time I’ve made THAT commitment and I’d like to keep this relationship, never cared about previous ones!) AND I’m doing a job that (as a result of the relationship) I’m not going to be able to walk away from when I get bored or chaotic (I’ve had 5 jobs in the last 7.5 years and similar in the UK before I moved here). I think I have adapted to live with my symptoms but who knows if I stay long enough somewhere to be exposed??!

Not sure whether to do this before or after I move…… but it seems like a good idea to do it – peace of mind is a big thing (and maybe I should try the meds just to see what life on “that side of the coin” is like!). WIth my unofficial diagnosis, I’m already tuning my brain into all those things that I did as a child (like leaving the dog at the store, walking PAST her and walking all the way home without her, stepping on a sheet of glass 5 seconds after being told not to and cracking it, walking off and leaving my mother and sister in a department store etc etc!)

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[Lindstr7]

Plop…. I also had an AH HA! moment and since doing research, like you, I went to see my dr. I have been taking Ritalin for about 3 weeks now and it has been like the door finally flew open. My thought process is more focused and linear, the noise in my head is calmer, I don’t second guess myself nearly as much, I’m more confident, I get up and out more and don’t stumble on my words in conversation, and the grocery store thing! why was i the ONLY one in line who was not highly irritated and if someone had coupons or was writing a check, for god sake, I’m outta there! Now I don’t *sigh* loudly and make a show of rolling my eyes, etc. when having to wait, big step!

Meds aren’t a cure-all and I do need to take advantage of my focused state to develop good habits, but it has given me the boost I needed.

As far as relationships, My ADD ruined my marriage I’m certain of it. If I could do it all again……… hindsight. I am single now, but my daughter has noticed a difference in me and as a result, she is trying harder in all things and our communication has VASTLY improved.

I hate to advocate any specific treatment, but if I were in your position and as you seem willing to try medication to “see what life on that side of the coin is like,” I’d say go for it. I mean, hey, stepping on glass? Thats dangerous! I don’t know what the UKs health care system is like, but if Mental or Behavioral health is not covered under the state system, I’d do it before you leave Canada. It might not be as recognized in the medical community over there and it is becomming more accepted and treated here (USA and Canada). It may take some time though to be diagnosed and adjusting the meds etc. Everyone reacts differently.

What better way to start fresh, in a new home, country, relationship, etc. I just KNOW that my next relationship will have a MUCH better chance of surviving now that all the junk in my head has quieted down. It hasn’t changed the essence of who I am at all, but has allowed me to more freely access and develop my positive traits. Forward Ho and no more constantly looking backwards.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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