Can't they at least TRY to understand?

[Anonymous]

My life story is so typical of most ADD/ADHD sufferers…

I remember when it all started…

In grade one we used to take turns reading out loud. I would get so bored and so annoyed with the other kids that I would read ahead in our Dick and Jane books. Yes, I AM that old. lol

While the other kids were suffering through ” See Dddd iii ck ic… Da i k…Dick! See Dick rrrrrruuuunnnn…See Dick run”,

I was happily reading deeper into the grand novel, excitedly awaiting the arrival of the new dog Spot.

I would get so frustrated and wonder how in the world all of these other children could be so stupid as to not be able to read or pronounce a simple word.

Suddenly the teacher would call on me to stand and read…and because I was further along in the book than they, I had no idea whatsoever, where that last person had finished off and where I was expected to continue from. Ultimately, I would either be hit on the knuckles or head with a yard stick, or sent to the principal’s office.

Every single report card said that I had no “sticktoitivness” ( I told my mother that there was no such word, and she asked why the teacher would write it if it were not true…I was in grade two when that statement was first made) that my imagination was “overactive”, I had “unfinished work” etc.

By the time I reached grade 3 I realized that I was “different” from the other kids. The girls would pick on me all the time; following me home, beating me up, and breaking my glasses.

This continued until grade 11…the beatings finally came to a stop…no idea why, but I think it’s because I started hanging out with “older kids” that were no longer in school. lol

I never did figure out why they beat me up all the time…mom thought it was because I was a very small child and that it made these bigger girls feel better about themselves to beat up a much smaller girl…but who knows?

After reading up on ADD/ADHD when I was diagnosed at the age of 35, I came to believe that it was all because I must have said something “inappropriate” or something.

I would really like to find a few of those “girls” from my past and ask them why they did it.

I don’t recall ever doing or saying anything to any of them…I was extremely shy until the age of 28…when I met my ( now ex) husband.

It took years of frustration to figure out what my problem was. I had been diagnosed with everything from depression/manic depression, to a brain tumor, head injuries, etc. They all proved to be wrong in thier diagnosis by testing.

It wasn’t until my (then) family doctor sent me to a psychiatrist ( because the anti-depressants were doing the exact opposite of what they were intended to do) , that I was properly diagnosed.

All those years of suffering…for what? To be told that I had some weird “syndrome” and then left out in the cold.

The psychiatrist did some testing, diagnosed me as having ADD, and then left. He didn’t explain to me what this thing was.

I had no internet back then ( that was for the rich and the military) and the local, small town library had no info on it at all.

About 4 years ago my new hubby and I got into an arguement and he asked me why I did this, that, and the other thing…I had no answers.

We went on line and looked up ADD. Wow!!! I had no idea I was like that!

I started to hate me at that point. I wouldn’t stay with a person like me if I had the choice. lol

When I finally met his parents, he told them I had ADD and they scoffed at it. Said it was a made up thing by lazy parents and teachers that didn’t want to deal with kids…and she should know, she’s an old school teacher! Ugh!

These people have made my life a living heck. They torment me every chance they get, and his mother mocks me, and belittles me all the time. She says I’m not focused enough and that I get too excited.

She started to believe in ADHD when her precious step-granddaughter was diagnosed with it last year…but she still thinks that I’m just “faking it”…or that they made a mistake…because this is a “new disease” you know…it was just invented…so how could YOU have it? Only little kids can have it….and junk like that is all I ever hear.

My husband, her son, collapsed on our driveway 3 weeks ago. He had stopped breathing. I called 911 and they revived him after 23 minutes. He spent the next 3 days on life support and they told us that he wasn’t going to make it. I had been pregnant at the time.

In the hospital his entire family demanded that I have an abortion…I had a miscarriage last week due to the stress.

His mom berated me the entire time…telling me that I had gotten “too excited” when I called them and told them all that he had been taken to the hospital…she berated me for calling 911 as well!

What did she want me to do? Leave him there to die? She told me that I could have simply picked him up and driven him to the hospital…Pick him up??? I was pregnant, with a 2 year old sleeping in the house, and she wanted me to leave him there and drive to the hospital when I could barely breathe myself? I was in a panic!! What would any of you have done? Aren’t you supposed to call 911 when someone quits breathing?

But of course I over-reacted…yet again…story of my life. I highly doubt that what I did would be considered an ADD thing. I think what I did was to pick up a phone and call for help because my hubby was dead on our driveway.

Turns out that hubby has COPD. He’s alive and doing as well as can be expected. I told him what his family put me through. He told them off. He told his mother that I didn’t over-react and that I saved his life, and if she wanted him dead so badly then she should have aborted him when she had the chance.

I just wish these people would understand that ADD/ADHD is a REAL problem, not a “made up” problem created by a bunch of people that are too lazy to work, deal with their kids, or have real lives.

My three oldest sons have known since they were little that their mom was “different”…that she “zones” as they so affectionately call it , and that she misplaces their things by accident and not on purpose. They love me, and I love all of them. I wish more adults could see me as my sons see me…it would make life a lot easier for all of us that suffer with this.

I’m glad that I found this site, and I hope to learn many things about this “thing” that I suffer from. It’s so nice to know that I don’t have to suffer alone. Perhaps suffer is the wrong word…if everyone had ADD/ADHD the world would be a much better place.

I think we are nicer than most people…and the way we do things is just different and not wrong.

Normal people are boring snobs! lol J/K. No offence meant.

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[quizzical]

Wow, sounds like your in-laws are, to put it mildly, “a piece of work”! Demanding that you have an abortion? Berating you for calling 911? That’s just…

Wow.

Sounds like they are best kept at very long arm’s-length!

I, like you, was a “read-ahead” student in grade school, and can totally relate to that frustration!

So glad to hear that your husband and sons love and support you, and that you don’t let the naysayers get you down!

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[Anonymous]

That husband sounds like a keeper to me! I agree with quizzical, just because they are your in-laws, doesn’t mean you are obligated to spend any time with them. You might want to discuss that with your husband, what is enough, what does he think, how can he support you when you have to be with them, etc.

The comments they made were just sick. A baby is a precious thing, regardless of whether it has its natural parents to bring it up or not. My sister-in-law once remarked that her sister’s husband’s children weren’t hers, as if they were somehow illegitimate (sp?). That same sister-in-law remarked while pregnant for the second time (and in front of family including children) that she didn’t want a boy, that she wouldn’t want anything to do with him if she had a boy (guess what, she had a boy). I feel sorry for my nephew.

I am old enough to remember Dick and Jane too, and I think I might have done the same thing, if I wasn’t more interested in the world outside the classroom window. I remember once in about grade 4 being made to sit in the corner because I wasn’t paying attention – I discovered that there was a hole in the curtain so I could still look out

My sister is the one who picked on me and made my life very different from an early age, not sure why, I was certainly different and perhaps a challenge for affection from our parents being only a year younger. She ex-communicated me just before my mom passed away about two years ago. I don’t have much contact with my family now, only my father. It’s made looking into my past really difficult because there is nobody to talk to and I can’t remember very much that far back.

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[Anonymous]

You have had quite a struggle to get to where you are, but you’re here!!! That’s the important thing. I think that we spend our lives being berated by people for our behavior and people of a certain ‘age’, didn’t know what was wrong with us. I always say that I was RIGHT BEFORE the ‘Ritalin Generation”. I think that we struggle with self esteem and everything that comes with it because our whole lives we are expected to act a certain way, behave in a certain manner and when we don’t, we are not met with understanding or compassion, we are met with frustration and anger. It’s a tough thing to do (I’m learning to do it day by day myself) but I try and just ignore the people who don’t understand. Unfortunately, you’re in laws seem to be the worst of your problem, but I agree with no dopamine, you are not legally or even morally obligated to interact with them. I always found it odd that we are supposed to tolerate treatment from people under the label of ‘family’ that we would never put up with from a stranger.

I have to say that this site has been pretty life changing for me, so keep using it, utilize the tools, use the forums. I’ve found more support and information on the couple of months that I have been on here than I had in the decades before my own diagnosis, and remember that you are a wonderful person with a very REAL issue. Just because people can’t ‘see’ it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I remember the first time that I saw a psychiatrist for treatment. I was scared to death, the stigma of ‘mental illness’ freaked me out. As I was sitting filling out my paperwork, an acquaintance sat next to me in a chair and said to me “Remember, no matter what they tell you, it’s all chemical. It’s no different than being a diabetic.” I consider that woman an angel, but I have to say that now, eight years later I can say that sure, it’s not different than diabetes, but diabetics are met with empathy and kindness, people struggling with any kind of mental illness or difficulty are met with either morbid curiousity, or out and out scorn. Just keep fighting the good fight. It sounds like you’ve already conquered more demons than you think

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[sdwa]

Your in-laws sound horrible. Sorry, but they do. Avoid them as much as possible. They have no business berating you – or telling you to get an abortion!?! That is twisted. They have more problems than you ever will! Just…YUCK. There’s no excuse for that. Do not internalize what they say!

I want to recommend a couple of books I have been reading. One is Sari Solden’s “Women with Attention Deficit Disorder.” I feel like she wrote my life story in this book. She gets what we’re up against, from the inside out. She has ADD too. It’s been kind of a painful read because I identify with it so strongly, but it helps me wrap my brain around what this disorder means and does and how it’s impacted my life on so many levels.

The other book is Russell Barkley’s “Taking Charge of Adult ADHD.” He goes through a list of symptoms in the early chapters and shows how often adults with ADHD experience these challenges compared with “typical” non-ADHD adults. People with ADHD report these problems about like 60-90% of the time whereas adults who don’t have it report these problems 2-5% of the time. There is a big difference. It’s real.

As upsetting as it is to learn the impairment is real, it does help to know there are reasons why I’ve had so many problems – and that I’m not the inherently bad or morally deficient person I thought I was.

My step-father said he doesn’t believe in ADHD and that it’s just made up by the drug companies. But considering he does believe in things like the lost continent of Atlantis – ? And this guy has a Ph.D. in molecular biology. LOL. He is not a big part of my life, regardless. The point being, there are many people in this world who don’t know what they’re talking about. Ignore them.

No, really: Ignore them!

Anyway, hang in there. I’m glad you have a husband and children who love you and understand. It’s important to have those special people in life who “get” you. To have places where who you are is OK.

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