Feedback Please!

[Outoftune]

Hi guys! I could really use some feedback from you as I’m new to this forum and to the idea of my having ADD. I haven’t been able to be officially diagnosed as I will explain later on however my doctor thinks I have it as does my therapist (the one who noticed my rapid thought process/speech) and suggested I look into it and the councellor from the local Learning disablilities centre. The virtual test says it sounds like I have the combined subtype I got 9/9 on the inatentive portion and anwered yes on most of the other two catagories as well. Here is my story (In mostly point form! Yay) I know it’s very long but if you could please try to get thought it and offer any feed back I would appreciate it more than you know!

Symptoms that were never explained by testing for all kinds of diseases, disorders, terrets, dyslexia, etc…starting from baby to today.

Extremely colicky as a baby

Hypersensitive nerves

Hands and feet moving so much they had to tape my wrists and ankles so I wouldn’t crack the joints

Extremely impatient would get very frustrated in people didn’t answer me right away (My Mom still remembers that if she coughes when replying to me I would get really frustrated and say Mom Mom answer me!!!)

Had two ticks a head nod and a chest heave

Hypersensitive to noise

My Mom always had a hard time trying to get me to wind down at night time (mentally wind down) and would have to talk to me about lots of different topics before I could go to sleep

Had a hard time with learning to rhyme and identify like sounds

Often mixed up vowels

Spelling bee’s would turn me into a sobbing mess

Sensory overload (noises, sights, sounds)

Would get overwhelmed easily

Very clumsy, knocking things over, walking into walls

Couldn’t draw a straight line, colour within the lines in preschool

Always visualized numbers and letters in different colours (5 is orange)

Worst nightmare was being asked to sit down and complete one task for a period of time the required any sort of concentration. Writing thank you notes for my Christmas gifts would get me so frustrated it would be hard to breath and I would end up crying.

Was a very polite girl but would interrupt constantly and couldn’t help it

Was always told to ‘calm down’, to ‘take my time’ just to ‘focus more’

Had atrocious spelling and handwriting. (I still have stories I handwrote that are very creative but are almost indecipherable)

My Mom made signed me up for sewing class, craft class and drawing (not painting but drawing L) class! All of which convinced me I was a completely useless idiot and I would always cry to myself and want to get the heck out of there. I ended up dropping out of all of those.

I used to have panic attacks

I had a really hard time playing instruments. But always loved to sing and dance!

I loved sports but had terrible hand eye coordination and very quickly baseball, basketball, and soccer turned into horseback riding which is still my main passion in life and is great because you can rely on the horse’s co-ordination!

I can beat anyone at debating, always wing it in presentations, never prepare for interviews and ace them every time but ask me to read a chapter from a text book and I’ll be lucky if I would have absorbed anything

Was diagnosed with Anxiety

I still have terrible fine motor skills

I have always been really quick on my toes (mentally)

My mind involuntarily jumps from one thought to another over and over all day long

I am told that I always try too hard and am always in ‘overdrive’

I speak so quickly people often can’t catch up with me and sometimes stutter and slur my words or mix up sounds

I have a reputation for being flighty, and flakey which is infuriating because my IQ is 125, I have a Unversity Degree and am Bilingual so obviously not stupid!

Other people have phobias of Spiders or Snakes mine is details!!!

Real trouble following directions or instructions…when I buy soemthing new the instructions get thrown away as soon as I open the box but then I end up needing someone to help me put it together.

Forgetting what I have just done!

I always found that the only way to concentrate on soemthing was actaully to disract myself with something stimulating like colourful pics or start signing/dancing that seems to be the only way i can relax enough to get in the zone of learning/concentrating

The more I try to focus the less I can!

I lose track of pretty much everything such as my shoes, keys, phone, etc…My poor husband is always asking me where the tupperwear I took to work for lunch is.

I’m always rushing around at the last minute trying to get everything together.

I forget things incessantly like one moment I have a thought and the next it’s out of my head just gone and there is nothing I can do about it…I think this is the most frustrating! That together with the fact that I cannot shut off my brain and really relax. I find that the more I try to relax like other people would like going to a spa or listening to jazz just makes me more restless and I actually find that the only thing that really relaxes me is galloping on my horse (I’m a horse rider) and dancing/signing to hip hop or rap music lol.

My poor husband is so sweet but gets frustrated with my inability to do any house work of any kind and my lack of organization

I get very agitated when people take forever to do anything weather it be to finish a sentence, finish buying their groceries or move their car when the light turns green COME ON AND HIT THE GASS ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

I’m a very polite person and try to be patient with people but I speak very quickly, cut people off (interrupt) and get impatient/frustrated with people even loved ones when they take a while to do something.

I always find myself skipping ahead especially when reading and would often start at the back of the book

Also I have always felt that everyone else takes forever to respond and to catch onto things and they seem to need so much repetition it’s like ok I got it let’s move on. I have never enjoyed ‘practice’ or repetition of any sort and prefer just to try it and figure it out as I go I can always pull something out of the air at the last minute.

University was really really difficult for me to get through…fortunately I was able to avoid my archnemisis Math and Accounting and stay in the humanities and social sciences. In clases where we were able to do presentations and oral exams I got A+’s seriously! But in classes that required reading chapter after chapter and writing essays and taking exams I would get Bminuses or C pluses. And that’s with working my bum off!!!

It’s just so hard because I have the best work ethic of anyone I know but am still seen as careless, irresponsible, and lazy. So frustrating!!!

I think that I nor anyone who knows me ever thought I had ADD because I was never the child to be running around the room yelling and climbing on everything in school. But I was the child quietly cracking her wrists and ankles and having ticks, trying to listen but day dreaming about galloping a horse through a field with the choruses of various songs running through my head constantly.

I always feel embarrassed when at work someone asks me to write something on a board and I know I’m going to make spelling mistakes and the line won’t be horizontally straight or when I have to cut paper I know it won’t be a straight line or when they ask me to do something, I agree and the next second the thought is poof gone! When asked to audit anything or file anything, or remember a new password I find myself on the verge of a panic attack. But fortunately I have learned to overcompensate to the point that my co-workers don’t believe I could have ADD. But let me tell you it is beyond exausting! When I get home from work I am so drained that I can barely think enough to drive let alone plan what’s for dinner. I get really frustrated with people for interrupting my thoughts. Because I feel they are going to slip away and I won’t be able to remember them. I have this feeling all the time!

I’m so glad that my husband and Mom believe me (how could they not they have seen all of this everyday they are with me) but am having a hard time convincing friends and co-workers. I wish there was a way to have people just understand what it’s like! If they had to spend just one day in my mind they would be so exhausted.My question is should I bother trying to get a diagnosis? The only one person in my area who knows a good amount about ADD and the subtypes is a Physiatrist who is not taking on patients. I saw my Doctor who thinks I have it and referred me to a Physiatrist but apparently it can take up to a year to see him and I don’t even know if he has any knowledge of ADD. I know I have it regardless of what any scepticism on the part of my friends/co-workers I understand they would find it hard to believe as I’m so composed and polite and appear calm and am not super energetic or loud. Also they find it hard to believe I could have a ‘developmental disability’ when I’m so ‘smart’ and have a degree and taught myself Spanish and am completely fluent etc… But they don’t know what I go through everyday and how my whole life I have spent time feeling embarrassed, stupid, clumbsy, careless, lazy,rebellious etc…

I wish there were a way you could be way to be diagnosed by a Doc/PHD through video chat or something has anyone heard of anything like this or does everyone have to wait for months and months only to hope the PHD knows something about ADD and will actually diagnose you? My doctor who knows me says that I would benefit greatly form the medication but I want an official diagnosis before I mess around with that kind of thing.

Ok if you made it this far I am so grateful and any feedback you have for me would be super appreciated! Thanks so much!!!

Sherri

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[Curlymoe115]

It sounds like ADHD to me, I can relate to a number of your symptoms. The ticks could be Turrets or another neurological disorder. Highly functional people can keep balance in one part of their life but fail miserably in others. Your co-workers only see the competent side, they don’t see what happens after a day of keeping it together. You collapse at home and let your husband take care of you because your system has shut down. If you wanted to try the medication you could ask your husband to help you monitor things. But most of the medications have long left your system by the end of the workday or shortly afterwards. But it could help you get more done on weekends. Maybe set up a meal plan and make all meals on Sunday so that you have something every night of the week. Many people are living this same life where they keep it together for co-workers and friends but fail completely at home and on your own. Ask yourself, do you want to continue to live this way for the next year when there is something that could help you right now. Medication may or may not help you but you won’t know if you don’t try it.

Stop being so hard on yourself. So far you are able to function well enough to maintain a job, family and relationships. Your house may not look like the homes in magazines but neither has it been condemned. You and your family have not starved to death. If your co-workers think you are normal then you obviously are not dirty, disheveled or offensive smelling. You did graduate from University, you do know a second language so your brain functions. So as they say “Fake it until you make it”, do you think that anyone else is perfect. As for clumsiness I fall upstairs. I have perfected the bounce back. I can slip on the ice, and make it look like it is just a curtsy in the snow. And everyone loves a rebel. Makes you more mysterious, especially if you refuse to invite anyone over to your house. They just spend more time trying to get an invitation. Good luck. You are not alone.

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