ADHD, working memory, and words. A battleground.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with recalling words and it’s infuriatingly difficult. Often, I shy away from conversations because I know inevitably I’ll hit that point when I want to express a thought- the thought is there as well as the specific word I want to use – but fail because I hit that familiar mental block. My mind will go totally blank and I can’t seem to recall anything: names, dates, titles to books, an author’s name, a specific word I’m sure I know, but can’t access…. This has been a source of depression for most of my teenage and all of my adult life. This inability to recall what I know is in my mind prevents me from creating meaningful relationships and I am insecure because of it. I fear my inability to keep up in conversations; I’m insecure and terrified by the fact that I can’t always contribute intelligently to a conversation or discussion because I won’t remember/recall the article/book/song/lesson/name/place/event/etc. I read about or learned somehow, not long ago.

A feeling of anxiety and heat begins to travel down my body when I’m in these situations; I feel prickly all over. It’s as if my mind has been put on pause. Pressure builds in the space between my eyes, and I feel removed from myself slightly. Inside I’m praying something will give and magically click back into place, opening the mental dam again. It never happens that way, though.

I’m sure what I’ve described are symptoms of social anxiety that are brought on by my trouble with working memory.

I struggle in the area I love the most. Language.

I want to write, but can’t. I look onto the page or screen and my mind goes blank. I begin a line and my mind goes blank. Somehow, against the odds, I’m off to a decent start– then my mind goes blank. I struggle accessing my vocabulary and allowing the words to emerge. Fluidity is an issue as well. Concerning writing, nothing feels fluid to me. My memory does not allow it. It is absolutely line-by-line and word-by-word; Love turns into resentment.

I’ve put a lot of emphasis on words in particular, but my sentiment goes beyond words alone. This concerns every aspect of my working memory. From reading to remembering to storing to recalling and everything else. For me, however, words are important and near to my heart so I’ve given them the most attention here.

I would like to know two things from this community:

1. Does anyone struggle in this way, and if so, please share your thoughts.

2. Has medication helped your working memory?

Thanks,

Nathan

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[Anonymous]

Hi Nathan,

I’m surprised that you haven’t had a response to your post yet as what you have described here is exactly what I am feeling and is probably my #1 issue with add. My working memory is such a problem that I often accelerate my speech to avoid losing my words and thoughts. I also have problems accessing my vocabulary and having fluidity in my speech, I tend to make short sentences because I try to avoid being in a situation where I am lost for words & thoughts, its definitely not fun especially when you know you understand all of what you are trying to explain. The funny thing is that it does sometimes happens occasionally that my memory works better and I do not have all these problems.

To answer your second question, I’ve been on medication for about a year now only recently having met a specialist in adhd treatment. I’ve tried pretty much all the meds excluding strattera (the non-stimulant). Does the medication help your working memory?

My answer is yes and no….the medication helps your brain function at a faster pace which allows you to find the information faster however it does not make your memory more organized so although you analyse more information in a shorter period, you are still looking through a pile of paper with no designated folders so it still takes more time without a guarantee of finding what you are looking for. I guess that’s the best analogy I could make for you from my experience thus far.

At this point, i am trying to get the medication optimized for my situation and also am seeing a psychologist to talk about these issues and try to find strategies that will help me deal with this. I’ll keep you posted!

On your end, I’m curious to know if there have been any developments?

take care

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[Anonymous]

Dear Nathan, I just read your frustrations with being able to find or remember the right word. I share this problem and I have found that medication does help. I highly recommend finding a good therapist who is familiar with ADHD. I have one and she told me I have a good memory (to which I laughed) but she said that it is not my memory that’s bad it’s my ability to recall the info from my memory. What a relief! For years now I’ve been saying that my brain is holding the word I want hostage. And in effect, that’s exactly what my therapist was confirming! She based this observation on the results of a 4 hour exam I took at a different doctor’s office a few years ago when I was first diagnosed. I have found that the inability to find the word I want has gotten worse over the past 5 – 6 years. I also forget what I am talking about in mid sentence. I will be telling a story, usually to make a point, when all of a sudden I have no idea where I was going with this so-called ‘train of thought’ or even what I’ve just said. This happens to me a lot. And I used to get very angry about it, especially when others try to help me figure out which word I need or where I was going with my story. At first I would struggle and try to recall what I was saying or find the word I wanted, but after a while I just gave up. I gave up trying to remember because I had found that very often it would NEVER come back to me so I quit wasting time struggling to recall it . But I have had some improvement with the addition of medication. I really like John’s description of it – “you are still looking through a pile of paper with no designated folders” I do find it very frustrating, especially since it has become worse and more frequent for me over the past few years. Since it is a symptom of ADHD; I am hoping that there is a way to retrain the brain to make that ‘retrieval ability’ functional again or maybe we can even train another part of the brain to take over that function. I believe I have had ADHD my entire life and I find it very disheartening that it is causing me so much more trouble as I get older. But at least I have been properly diagnosed and found a great therapist and drugs that help. I think we all just have to keep trying and keep up to date on the latest information and keep reading the info of this website TotallyADD.com. These folks have the best information I have found on the subject. And it is a great relief to know that many of my issues are not due to laziness, or old age, or stupidity but are actually symptoms of a real disease with measurable symptoms. This is real, it is caused by something in my brain not functioning properly. So I don’t have to feel guilty or angry, I just have to accept it and work at trying to make the best of it. I hope this has been helpful. Hang it there and good luck to you!

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[Bill]

Stress or anxiety can worsen this issue, making it harder to find that word. Just being worried that you won’t find the word, paradoxically makes it harder to find. If there is an emotional issue tied up in this problem, it may need to be addressed separately.

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[Scattybird]

Hi Mayjune – I understand your post. When I was younger I used to read non-stop and my vocabulary was excellent. I could remember quotations and think of exactly the right words.

Thirty years on and I can’t recall much. Like you I can’t think of appropriate words – even easy ones – and I often forget what I am saying mid-sentence. My spelling has become worse too. Before I could just ‘see’ the word and now I need to think about it. I just joke about having senior moments (at middle-age!).

It certainly does get worse with age. I suspect it’s a bit of a hormonal ‘girl-thing’ too. I was asked the other day by a non-ADDer if I’d reached the ‘forgetful stage’ yet. So I guess it happens – just perhaps worse for those of use with ADHD perhaps?

Bill is right about stress affecting it too.

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[Amy]

I have had this problem as far back as I can remember. It happens whether I’m speaking or writing, but I get so hung up that I have to just stop what I’m doing and maybe I’ll get back on the right track.

It’s embarrassing like you say when you are talking to someone and get stuck, because most people give you a look like “What’s wrong with her??” while you stumble around trying to find the right word and my brain has already moved forward. Medication REALLY helped with it.

Amy

http://acatwithadhd.com

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[greengrasshopper]

I have the word problem too. But I’m a writer. It’s hard!

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[blackdog]

@greengrasshopper

It sometimes takes me an hour just to type up one forum response. I just can’t find the right words to say what I want to say and have to go back and edit constantly.

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[mlou31]

I am so grateful to the author of this discussion. I found this site because I have been desperately searching the internet for others with this problem. It is what led to me being treated for add starting two months ago. I am really hoping for some help from all of you. Short acting ritalin worked incredibly well for me for improving my working memory, but made me incredibly nauseated. I never had a high or speedy feeling. In fact, it improved my ability to fall asleep. I was taking 20mg three times per day. I had started at 10mg tid but it didnt do much for me. I have tried concerta which made me very irritable and am now trialling dexedrine spansules. I am up to 20mg twice daily and it isn’t helping with memory at all! It’s helped a little with motivation but I actually feel sleepy most of the day until I take my second dose. It’s not really a surprise to me that I am able to take such a high dose and feel almost nothing – coffee never gave me the jolt that everyone else seems to get. Anyhow, if anyone has had any success with stimulants or has advice, I would be extremely grateful. I guess I don’t need to tell all of you how paralyzing and isolating this particular symptom has been. It has been my number one issue with add too!

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[Author]

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