how can i help him

[Anonymous]

the background info:

My little brother (i say little, he’s 19) was diagnosed with ADHD recently. We’ve always known he had ADD or ADHD but didn’t want him to be medicated unless absolutely necessary. He’s gone on meds within the last year. He’s home schooled, we thought the one on one would be best for him. we’re trying to play catch up so he can go to college next year.

the problem:

He’s very depressed about his scholastic abilities, has low self esteem and is quickly frustrated with school work.

i’m trying to help. as the most patient person in the family i’ve been elected to be his teacher. i’ve put him on a schedule, have a daily list of assignments (read X pages in history, do # math problems). i sit with him, explain the assignment, answer questions as he goes along. it just doesn’t seem to be enough. how do i help? i’m not looking for a quick fix, just some insight.

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[kc5jck]

I home schooled my daughter (not ADHD) for the eighth grade and part of the fifth. She was the perfect student. I had helped my son (ADHD) with his homework throughout his time in public school. I could tell that there was a problem, I just didn’t know what. (I’m ADD)

My daughter got a scholarship and started at a state university at 16 years old. After two years there with a 4.0 she was given her high school diploma and went to the Air Force Academy.

My son’s college experience was a complete trainwreck, 0.4 GPA. Then he was diagnosed with ADD and is now completing his first semester while on Adderall. It appears to be a complete turnaround. He is expecting to get an A and a B in the couses he is taking.

There is no way he could have done this without the right meds, in his case Adderall. The improvement is not limited to just his educational endeavors.

Don’t be afraid of meds. Find the right one. Don’t give up. Keep us posted and let us know how we can help.

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[munchkin]

He’s lucky to have you as a sister Thanks for caring…

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[Anonymous]

You are helping him with his school work, scheduling, and seeing the right folks for meds so that is great. I might suggest some sort of counseling to help him with the self esteem issues. If counseling is not an option I may suggest “bibliotherapy” and look for books that not only handle the practical side of things (schedules, work) but also delve into the emotional journey (relationships, self esteem, self worth). You may also try to help him look at the positive aspects of his life as well. I know personally I was so bogged down by all the failures I’ve experienced that I neglected to look at the positive things I’ve accomplished. A change in perspective often does wonders. A support system will help too. You and your family sound like great supports but maybe suggest a site such as this one that has multiple people going through similar circumstances. Good luck, have patience, and have faith in him!

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[Anonymous]

ADDsSister…..Depressed about school, and self-esteem issues and quick to get in a twist is not uncommon in teen years, or in university either. Those characteristics are mobile across the spectrum of teens……..

How is your brothers social life? Has he been home schooled all of his life…..do you live in an urban or rural environment???

There are so many questions……before any meaningful picture can form.

Toofat

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[Anonymous]

Forgive me for taking so long to answer. I my grandmother had a stroke and i’m managing the house for my mom and got completely overwhelmed over the holidays and boycotted the computer. Thank you all so much for your comments.

@kc5jck- i guess i worded that wrong. at the time we were worried he had not been diagnosed and was (we assumed) a very active child. we have no problem with meds when needed, we just didn’t see the need then. i was more like your daughter which is part of the reason i’m so lost with how to handle this

@munchkin- thank you

@adamb- we’re working on the “being positive” (he does tend to only see the negative). therapy is something we are talking about. but he is such a private person he doesn’t want to talk to anyone outside the family (i’ll admit we’re all a bit like that. most of my relatives are of the “if you have a problem you fix it yourself” opinion)

@toofat – i agree it is common with is how this got bad before we realized it was a serious problem. its to the point he gets completely overwhelmed to the point of panic attacks.

he has a small circle of friends and family (cousins) but they’re slowly leaving for college and another group of friends online (he’s a gamer). he has a girlfriend but she lives out of state so they only call or chat online. he goes through spells of alot of activity with friends and then none at all (depending on how busy everyone is with school).

he used to attend ball games and dances at my cousins’ school but has withdrawn in the past year as most of his friends there left for college. he’s always been home schooled (i was as well) but has always been involved in sports or various activities at cousins’ school.

even when he attends activities he tends to withdraw, this is recent to the past 2-3 yrs, he used to be very outgoing.

i hope this gives a better picture. again thank you so much for your insight, i wish i could see things through his eyes so i knew what to do for him

~sister

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[laddybug3]

@ADHDS sister For socializing I did clubs. It helps because, there is no “weird what to talk about now” or “you’re talking too much please stop”. We meet, talk about the issues, and leave.

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[Monika]

@ADHDsSister

I can tell you love your brother very much and want to help him as much as you can. Please realize that his success and/or especially his failure is not completely dependent on you. You’ll want to offer him as many coping skills and strategies possible so that he can become more independent and responsible. You want to make time for yourself as you have your life to live and he must needs be responsible for his.

My recommendation is that you invite him to join us here so he can learn he is not alone in his struggles and he can share his experiences with “like-minded” folk and learn from and with us.

Best wishes and keep in touch,

M

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