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For 10-20 years, I would skim read the symptoms of ADD/ADHD contained in books when I visited book stores. Since I only had some of the symptoms at the time of my reading, and I had most of the symptoms when I was a child, I thought that I had either outgrown it or I was simply wrong. So, I continuously dismissed the idea, and I never purchased any of these books to read them in their entirety. I never sought any diagnosis from my doctor either.
A few years ago, my friend who has known me for more than 40 years was watching Dr. Phil interviewing someone who had ADHD and called me immediately saying that she definitely knew I had it based upon this one interview. After hearing this, I returned to the book store and happened to find Dr. Daniel G. Amen’s book entitled “Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD”, which I highly recommend. I took the tests and read it. I was simultaneously relieved, angry, sad, and happy at the same time. I immediately ran back to the book store and impulsively bought a stack of ADD books and took every test in each of the books just to be 100% certain. I became hyper focused upon reading these books. Finally, an explanation of why I do what I do that made complete sense. I finally understood that I had ADHD as a child, and I somehow lost my hyperactivity in my early teens and was left with ADD. Dr. Amen’s book helped me to determine that I have Type 2 ADD. I never understood myself and my inability to control what I did throughout my life, until I read these books.
I cried a lot, because I finally realized how much I had suffered so unnecessarily throughout my life, and I still do. I endured numerous cruel and incorrect labels. I have been misjudged. I have lived with extreme low self-esteem throughout my life. Etc., etc., etc.
When I was growing up, not enough was known about ADD and ADHD. I now believe that everyone needs to be educated about ADHD and ADD, so we can be treated with love, respect, and fairness.
I am determined to get an official diagnosis from a doctor, only because I want to learn appropriate coping strategies. I am definitely time impaired. I feel like I live in a perpetual now. I am either scattered or hyper focused. I consider myself to be high-functioning when it comes to my space and belongings. I know when everything is perfectly organized, I cope better. But as soon as I get distracted and things become messy or even if I walk into a cluttered, disorganized, and chaotic room, I become completely lost, distracted, confused, and scattered. I just cannot function in chaos. I need perfect organization all around me in order to function. I estimate that I have made a million plans throughout my life, but I simply cannot follow through. I cannot follow through on a planned schedule either. I also have other problems, but I do not want to bore everyone any longer.
Not only did my father have dyslexia, but I now realize (after he died) that he also had ADD. Everyone else in my life does not have ADD/ADHD, so I feel lonely and misunderstood. I am so glad I found this website after watching “ADD & Loving it?!”, because it feels good writing this in a place where I can finally feel understood.
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