Re: Shadow Syndromes

[Curlymoe115]

Well I have been diagnosed with a great number of co-morbid or shadow conditions. I have been diagnosed as Bi-Polar, OCD, Dysmorphic, ADHD, Depressed, Social and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Disposophobia (compulsive hoarding), Panic Disorder, Bromidrosiphobia, Demophobia, Bulimia, Insomnia, ect.. I know that I am O.D.D. which I have passed on to my children. I am also a control freak and things have to be my way or the highway (although in the nicest way possible) and when I am told about a problem I can solve it faster then you could blink. The funny thing is that I was reading before I went to school but there was no way for me to read out loud and back in the 70’s that was how they tested your reading comprehension skills. So I spent a lot of time in Reading Comprehension reading out loud. Both of my children had a University Reading level when they were still in early grades because reading is something that was stressed. I learned to read with Nancy Drew. From the time I was 5 I was reading these and when I encountered an unfamiliar word I would go to one of my parents who would explain what the word meant. My vocabulary was always very advanced and I would know the meaning of the word and would use it frequently which irritated my class mates because I was using words that they didn’t know. Instead of Amusement Parks our kids got museums and historical sites which meant that they were also far more knowledgeable then their peers and when they would go on field trips with there class our kids could lead the tours. I would also through them in the car without any thought and we would go for a 5 hour drive and find something new. Our kids can pump gas, add fluids to the vehicles, change light fixtures, and every other thing we can think of. We want them to be self sufficient which leads to one of the other things I am, Paranoid.

I tend to be a touch paranoid and am always in survivalist mode. We have enough food in case of an emergency to live for 3 months or more. We have a generator that is capable of running major appliances for 2 days. We have propane heaters, and burners. Although I am a hoarder I would have no problem walking out the front door tomorrow and never looking back if I had to. When I am out in public I prefer to have my back to a solid object and hate crowded places because there is always someone blocking the easiest means of escape. Yet when my child would leave the house in the middle of the night I never feared venturing out into one of the most dangerous cities in Canada to find her. I find the night a comfort rather then something to be afraid of.

Math was always a problem for me until I discovered money. I do not need a lot of calculus and that but most math problems can be figured out if you only think of it in dollars and cents. I also use estimation and I taught this to my kids. In school I would always lose marks because I got the right answer but had no idea how to “prove” my work. When I got older I would provide proof that seemed to explain the answer to me but the teacher thought that there was only 1 right answer. Poor people they needed to open their mind and accept that just because they couldn’t see the brilliance of my answer it didn’t make it wrong or any less right then any one else’s answer.

As for communication I am brilliant. I can use a thousand words to say nothing. When you go back and analyze what I just said you would realize I didn’t really answer your question but you got hooked on what I actually said and if you don’t look too closely you might believe I did. I am also given to enthusiasms. I can talk my way into just about anything. Then I stop and look at what I just talked myself into. Talked myself into moving across the country and then had to spend two years being miserable. I am also a bit of an actress and I apply that skill to Mystery Shopping. They give me an scenario and I off. I love Mystery shopping. I get to be a new person every day and that fits me to a “T”.

Right now that is my only form of work. I don’t do well in social situations. I find the social mores very taxing. I am extremely conscientious and complete every task fast. If this is what you told me to do then that is what is done. I can’t see into your head and see the picture in your mind. So if you can’t explain it then how am I supposed to do it. Then just like high school would be who got invited to lunch or coffee. After the first few weeks I just started taking my breaks at different times so I didn’t have to sit down in the same food court with all of these buddies who would make plans and never invite me. I would come to work early so that I could leave before they left. So you are always the last to know. Then people would get upset because everyone else knew why don’t you.

I am lucky that I am married to someone that has better social skills than I do. He has no problem holding a job and therefore I have become a stay at home mom again. Bring on the retirement sweater vest. Although I hate housework. But I am a great cook. My friends wonder how I can stand to be home all the time. I keep busy. I read, nap, mystery shop, go to the library, waste time on the computer, do laundry, look after the animals, go shopping, watch tv., nap, visit friends. At 5 pm I start supper. My psychiatrist thought that I should practice getting out of the house more. This way one day I may be again ready to venture into a full time job outside of the home again. But while I miss working and interacting with people I don’t miss the confusion of dealing with others expectations and not quite achieving what they want.

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