The Forums › Forums › For The Non-ADD › I Married An ADDer › Survival in an ADD relationship… › Re: Survival in an ADD relationship…
It would seem to me that you “friend” is more of an acquaintance than a friend and doesn’t know of what they speak. I began reading about ADD about a year ago after my 20 year old son was diagnosed with ADD. Reading “Driven to Distraction”, I could see him, and myself in almost every page.
I don’t believe people are sarcastic or insecure because they have ADD. I believe that, for a variety of reasons, they are often misunderstood. First, give him the benefit of the doubt. Not that he deserves it but because you’ll be happier and hopefully, so will he, for doing so.
I can’t speak for him, but I find that in my case, my thoughts are like the bingo balls rolling around in a cage, with a different and often completely random thought popping up at frequent intervals. (And I’m talking everything from quantum mechanics to “will Triple Sec work as well as Gran Marnier in chocolate mousse?” random.) When my wife asks me to do something, I try to get it done right then. Even if it was something she intended to be done later. Otherwise, its a ball that goes in the cage and may or may not pop up again for months and get done. Depending on the request, it may not matter or it may be a “you don’t listen to me, don’t care, don’t love me, etc., etc.” kind of deal. Often I find her reactions or interpretations totally unexpected and baffelling. Every day, as I go through the world, more balls get added to the cage.
I think my wife would agree that I am the one that is best able to function in a crisis and am able to manage bill paying, house maintenance, etc. the better of the two of us. I don’t believe I have the impulsivity aspect of ADD. So ADD doesn’t mean that you have to be the “rock” in this respect. It may mean that you have to get an understanding of how ADD is manifested in your husband in order to help him function better and to better understand him. Learn to separate him from his ADD and see him for what he is.
Your husband may be a hurtful and selfish person. Or he could be a caring and giving person with ADD who is misunderstood because of being constantly distracted by random thoughts flying through his brain or some other manifestation of ADD.
Long ago I learned not to be hurt by the words or actions of others. If unintentional, I let it drop and don’t worry about it. If intentional, I don’t give them the satisfaction of succeeding in their intent and forget about it. Try not to take words or actions of others personally. Its their problem not yours.
I believe I have had undiagnosed ADD all my life and have had neither counselling or medication for the condition. Last year I had a checkup and was medicated for a procedure, and for the first time, for a brief period, the bingo balls were quiet.
I hope this gives you some insight and something to think about.
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