The Forums › Forums › For The Non-ADD › I Married An ADDer › Survival in an ADD relationship… › Re: Survival in an ADD relationship…
Interesting conversation! Kc5jck: the arguments with your wife that you describe so well resonate with me. My wife and I used to get into some rip-roaring fights too. Occasionally she would flip out completely and end up on her back on the floor, throwing a tearful, agonizing tantrum. It was those times I realized something else was wrong, quite apart from whatever issue was at hand.
Of course, the first person you check is yourself: how have I caused this? Can I reverse it somehow? What’s going on? At the time I wondered if there was a spiritual element….
We went to marital counsellors, spoke with folk at church, all of whom tried their level best to help us. (I still believe in God but not church, long story that is irrevelent to this discussion).
Long story short: she had an illness that for so many years I tried to help, to no avail (not realizing an illness was involved). It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t equipped to help her, or to be her psychologist. It wasn’t spiritual at all. She had borderline personality disorder. We found this out long after the marriage was over. This is not in any way meant to suggest that I did not instigate many of our fights. I had my share of issues too.
This is shared with all, in case our experience can help shed light for others. If not, that’s ok too. (Very thankful for the anonymity of this forum too.)
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