The Forums › Forums › Tools, Techniques & Treatments › Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it › Re: Impulse control, how do you get a handle on it
Saffron – I have maybe $10K in equity. And I owe the IRS $5K more than that, all of which they’d come looking for as soon as a Sale contract was signed. My monthly mortgage is $1000, which is just a couple hundred more each month than apartments rent for around here. I also have 5 cats that I am absolutely *not* willing to part with, as long as I’m alive. If I hadn’t gone fully over the edge by then, that would surely do it.
I have one girlfriend in town, but she is as financially destitute as I am, and also suffers from depression. Actually, let me rephrase that: I have one friend. Period. I have several online acquaintances and online renewals of decades-lost friendships from grade school. But none is a “true” friend, close enough to take on me, my 5 cats, and my baggage.
My mom lives with me, as well. She is 65, in fair physical health (though in decline), has been sober via AA since 1981, and is bi-polar [medicated, now] and blindingly narcissistic [despite meds and extensive therapy]. “Sober but not sane” is an apt description for her. I took her in 6 years ago when she was about to lose *her* house, through foreclosure, because she had been in a years-long depression and hadn’t worked in forever. She had also disconnected from her AA community, which is a religion to her. She, too, is unemployed. And though she has since reengaged with AA (she just got picked as a replacement for the local Board when one member left), it is clear that she would sink into another life-threatening decision if she had to live on her own again. So I have to take her into consideration, too, when thinking about selling this house or losing it outright.
And thank you for the “smart cookie” compliment. I am a member of Mensa, and have had whole periods in my life, lasting many many months where I could find solutions to any problem that presented itself to me – not mania, just high-functioning normalcy. But not now. My “intellect” is failing me. That’s why support would be such a relief. I’m to the point of, “Please, just do my thinking for me. Tell me what to do that will make this better, and I’ll do it.” With the caveat, of course, that it can’t be anything to do with gods or “higher” powers, nor something that would clearly do me more harm than good. (i.e., like any set of instructions from my boyfriend). I have enough left of me – in me – to recognize insanity and abuse. I just can no longer *do* anything about it. I don’t have anymore solutions.
Thank you – both you and jeneticallymodified – for taking the time to read and respond in such detail. I sincerely appreciate it.
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