Reply To: apparently I create an "unpleasant work environment for teammates"

[janinecody]

When I first saw this post, I had to make sure I hadn’t written it. Before I say anything more, here’s my advice on work: I would NOT give a short course on the ADHD difference at work with any expectation that coworkers/supervisors will understand, accomodate, and perhaps even appreciate the wonder of ADHD:)

ITRIED-BIG MISTAKE… OVERALL. I came off as looking for sympathy, an excuse, or a liar in some cases. ADHD is not widely understood or even seen as real – we know this.
You may want to share your diagnosis and register it with HR. Request that HR brief your supervisor on any supports available/required. Even sharing with a trusted friend/co-worker can be a bad move, but it helps if s/he has an ADHD child and know the condition-and that it’s REAL.

As a woman in my 50s I’ve had very very similar experience working with colleagues, teams, and other collaborative groups. I’m in education. I’m considered insubordinate, overbearing, and difficult to work with-not a team player. I’m too direct, unreliable with deadlines, and go off on my own direction with team projects. I say things at work, and elsewhere, that others find abrasive, or inappropriate. And i talk too much in meetings.

There have been lots of job changes lately – non-renewed contracts, and a few awful, even tearful, review meetings. On the outside, I’ve been blindly defiant and even proud of my risk-taker, divergent thinker, temperament. I’m like my dad; he never worked for anyone!

But really, it was a blow to my professional confidence, pride, and self-esteem. I felt very rejected. But chin up -the bottom line for me seemed to be that I too was not designed to work FOR anyone. I AM insubordinate; I DON’T work the way others do. My style is nonlinear – I jump into the middle of a project and notice things others haven’t (but may get to later and see i was right). I see and cannot let a flaw go or resist stating things with certainty. That comes off poorly, sure, but if you dont want honestly, Im not your girl. All this bluster was before my diagnosis,,,

And Then: As I was seeking treatment for my teen-aged daughter (who Id always suspected had adhd), I ended up with my own diagnosis at 56! I had been “treated” for depression for 25 years and a bi-polar diagnosis was also bandied about two years ago.

LIFE ALTERED

I’m a researcher, so for weeks I hyper-focused (my new favorite word) on learning EVERYTHING about ADHD behavior and biology. And I realized just how like my dad i was. He never worked for anyone-because he couldn’t. That’s a white male diving board into entrepreneurship – if you’ve got the smarts. But for me, it was career and self-esteem killing.

As soon as I started treatment, I began to realize WHY i behaved as I did all through my life, and how it confused and affected others. I stopped trying to champion my behavior and started trying to figure out how to manage and channel it for everyone’s benefit.

I had to realize that multi-tasking is not a strengh for anyone. Research shows this. It can be useful in certain contexts (I was a classromm teacher for 12 years) But no one does their best work this way- including us. I tried to work on that and procrastination first- focus on one thing at a time, the thing that has highest importance, start it, finishing it, and let it go. When I finally get this to work, I’m sure that others will appreciate it. Today, this forum and post took over most of my morning work. I don’t even remember why I’m here… Canadian opt-in email -yep.

There’s a new part of my thought process that includes a tiny pause. It just showed up the day I started with medication, thank you. I’m trying to use this to check my reactions and language before I say/do anything impulsively. That split second allows me to self monitor and consider consequences to others instead of “shooting from the hip” like Calamity Jane. I learned that this stuff is called self-monitoring and regulation. Astounded that nuero-typical people do it ALL THE TIME. No more editing – I have to get to work.

So, what I’m saying is, if you’re not treating the disorder with medication AND counseling try it. Pills don’t build skills, as we know, but they let us start. Revealing and educating a colleague about my problem with pragmatic speech did not keep her from being annoyed by it. Others I shared with interpreted it as an excuse, not an explanation or justification, and not something that was their responsibility to accommodate. It didn’t make up for or erase the trouble I’d caused them.

Instead, I’m trying to use my ADHD brain for good 🙂 If I can focus on one thing to completion I know that others will actually appreciate that. If I can manage my impulsivity I know that I’m kinder and more patient even if they don’t know why. That’s enough.

Finally, I don’t see my ADHD has a disorder, but as a different operating system. We own it and need to be cognizant of the difference when working with others. It’s our responsibility. I’ve been behaving this way all of my life, 55 years. I’ve only been treated for two months. I’m going to be a little nicer to myself, and give it some time.

Let me know how are you doing.
Janine

• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by janinecody.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by janinecody.

REPORT ABUSE