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Anonymous
Hmmm…that partner-not-believing-you or not being interested problem is familiar. I am nearly 40 with a 14 year old son who has just been disgnosed with ADHD. Just prior to the diagnosis, when it was suggested that he be tested, I did lots of research and found that the symptoms matched perfectly with my son AND myself. I brought it up with my husband and he certainly agreed that the symptoms described us both, BUT not long afterwards, he made some comment about a person not being able to use a diary/calendar/organiser is because deep down inside themselves, they really don’t want to!!! I could have killed him. I struggled for years to integrate a calendar into my daily routine, and I also keep a small diary on me and generally I manage to match the two up so things don’t get missed. But it only works for appointments things with set times/dates. I can’t use a diary to set myself a list of things to do, because it doesn’t work. Even a list under my nose doesn’t often work. Things still have to have a time limit, and the end of the time limit must be imminent before I will act….you know, that mad last minute rush to do things?!!!
Anyway, back to the topic, I worry that my husband will let that sort of attitude show and it will affect our son’s self-esteem. It certainly affects mine. I beat myself up enough about not being a good enough mother, wife, friend, etc without having others make those sort of comments. A diagnosis will go a long way to helping me come to terms with my “failings”. At least my son has been diagnosed, we have an appointment in a few weeks to discuss medication, and we have an “educational consultant” arranged (who also has ADHD) to help him manage his school work. I have to wait until September for my psych appointment. I can tell you, it’s going to be hard trying not to “test” my son’s medications just to see if they’d help me!! I am hoping that my hubby will read some of the information I have left lying around the place. I made sure to pick easy to read stuff that stresses that ADHD sufferers are not lazy, they just lack the inbuilt “self motivation in the absence of consequences” that others have (incidentally, humans are the only animals who can sustain lengthy mental effort for “the future good” rather than immediate gains – which is what those with ADHD struggle with).
Far out, I didn’t mean to waffle so much. Just wanted to say hi and let you know you’re not alone
Kat
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