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Re: ADD and holds grudges

Re: ADD and holds grudges2010-12-10T22:55:27+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? ADD and holds grudges Re: ADD and holds grudges


Rick Green – Founder of TotallyADD
Post count: 473

I held grudges for decades. Decades! All those chemicals running through my body. I could stir myself up and have imaginary arguments in my head, long discussions, where I win every point and the other person would be humiliated and floundering…

I could spend an hour of my life in my fantasy scenario… an hour I just know I am going to want to have back when I’m on my death bed.

I’d literally work myself up to the point where I’d be breathing hard, full of adrenaline, and righteous rage.

Then at my high school’s 25th reunion I met one of the guys who bullied me and made fun of me.

And he came up, threw his arm around me, told me how he tells all his friends about me and how he knew me, and now that I was on TV he couldn’t wait to tell people.

The joke was on me. He had no memory of what he’d done. Or if he did, he probably dismissed it as, “Hey, we were just guys, just teasing each other.” At the reunion I also learned a bit about his troubled home life, which I vaguely knew in high school.

Long story short, as someone said, “Holding a grudge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

I thanked him for his compliments and kind words.

Here’s the thing…

People are doing the best they know how.

And when they do something mean, it’s all they know. They’ll justify it in any way they can. “It will teach him a lesson.” “It will toughen him up.” “He’s making a big deal of it.” “That’s how life is.”

Grudges mean the other person has control over you.

I can still go there, but man, it makes me feel almost sick with the ‘fight or flight’ chemicals surging through me.

I suppose when I become perfect, never hurt anyone’s feelings, make sure every relationship that ends is perfectly handled, and when I never go back on a promise or fail to deliver… then I’ll be in a position to hold grudges.

Ha ha.

The thing is, letting go of stuff took a huge weight off my heart and added years to me life.

Grudges just left me drained and angry and, worst of all, feeling like the victim. Like I was weak. My life sucked because of someone else. So I was clearly helpless, and my life was determined by others.


It’s hard to let go of grudges. It’s almost unnatural, I think.

But the option has no upside, as far as I can tell.