Re: Anger due to the differences between severe and mild sufferers

[Anonymous]

I realize I’m one of those who view it as a gift, and I’m sorry that I’ve caused you some frustration. I’m just trying to stay positive. I’m still learning about ADHD, and I know it is debilitating for a lot of people. I am realizing that ADHD explains a lot about my life, how I think and who I’ve become. It explains the awesome stuff I’ve done, but also the brain dead, “I thought you were the smart one” moments. I’m hopeful that my positive experiences can give other people hope.

I’m not unaware, though, that my educational and professional success has come at a price. My challenge with ADHD is in fact impulse control–mostly around food. My BMI is 46, something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I’ve tried every diet, some twice, and some even for a whole month – (yaaay). I’m slowly learning to understand it through ADHD, but I’ve been hospitalized twice for issues with my weight, and I may have to have surgery to correct it. Two separate doctors have told me that, if I keep up at this rate, I’ll have a heart attack and may die within 5 years. I’m 37 now.

Work isn’t all roses, either. I’m great at the challenging part of my job, and I’m proud of that, but I’m real shitty at the basic stuff. One of my performance reviews said “He’s pretty good at impossible, it’s the easy stuff he struggles with.” I’m constantly being told off for the “tone” in my emails (probably comes through here too, but it’s not intended). And I often follow up the $500M deal with sending a confidential file to the wrong person.

But even with all that, I really don’t think there is anything “wrong” with my brain. My mother didn’t have a virus or smoke or drink when she was pregnant; I wasn’t exposed to pesticides; I didn’t use a lead paint pacifier; and it’s not red #5 or a mule that kicked me in the head. I’m just a different kind of human in a world designed for the others. I’m 6’5″, so maybe it’s the bias of a man who spent his whole life ducking under ceiling fans and chandeliers and cramming into car seats. I see ADHD like being tall: there’s no cure, it’s not always easy, but it’s not always a drawback either. Maybe that’s denial, maybe it’s coping, but it’s what I truly believe.

I can’t promise to tone it down, but I will promise to be more sensitive to those who have had a more difficult time. I wouldn’t be here every day if I didn’t need support, too.

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