Re: Automatically assume things are my fault

[Anonymous]

My cats are very much like dogs – always ready for cuddles or to play a game of fetch. And they don’t lay guilt – not much anyway.

Most of the stuff I’m referring to is the little nitpicky stuff, but it wears me down, or the conversations that I apparently had and I can’t remember if I did or not. If I could remember that maybe I could figure out how something I really did say had been misconstrued. I’ve never been fired, but at one point I had a cowrker – not a boss – keeping a list unknown to me for months of all the little things I had done wrong. She took it to the boss and I was hauled into the office with the other person looking smug.

Now I’m back in school and I’m at my field placement a few days a week. None of this kind of thing has started there – that I’m aware of anyway. People are usually pretty kind to the students. But I’m going to school for theology with the plan of being a minister – long way to go yet and I’m 51. Church people can be great in so many ways, but it’s kind of like have 112 bosses, or people who think they are. I had to go be part of a team to go iron out some problems at a church and wouldn’tcha know it – some guy pulls out “the list” of all the things that minister has done wrong, not done … It was the same kind of nitpicky stuff that that I’m so used to hearing people gripe about me not doing. My mind leaps ahead to me in my very own church and somebody with their secret list … (Gotta stop that leaping ahead – it never goes well.)

Sometimes I wonder if I’m voluntarily walking the plank.

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