The Forums › Forums › Emotional Journey › Stuck in Regret/Anger › Carrying a Guilt › Re: Carrying a Guilt
For those who can’t let go of guilt or anger or grudges, here’s something to ponder.
When I went to work on those aspects of myself I realized that every grudge I held was because I believed I was right and they were wrong. And I was unwilling to give that up. When I would ask, “Why would they do that?” and then took a long hard look at it, I could find lots of reasons as to why they had done what they had done. When I got into their world and their shoes, and imagined all the pressures, issues and stuff they were dealing with, their actions made such sense. And no wonder. People rarely do things for no reason. In fact, lazy bastards that we are, we only do things for what we think are very good reasons. Whether that’s quitting a job, starting an affair or gambling away money we cannot afford to spare.
One of the best pieces of advice I got was, “If you were them, had their home life, and their life skills, and experience or lack of experience, and you lived their lives, you’d do exactly the same thing.”
For example a number of times I’ve worked on shows and then been upset afterwards when they ended that I wasn’t made a partner or given more say or more credit. And yet, did I ever ask? Did I ever express an interest in being a partner? No. I worked harder and expected them to make some kind of magical connection.
Every time I look at my part in what has happened, and appreciate fully what was going on for the other people involved, I realize things turned out exactly as they should have, based on what I did or didn’t do, what I did or didn’t say, and how I was being.
It’s humiliating, or perhaps it takes courage to do this exercise, but it’s incredibly powerful.
Putting down the load of anger, resentment, righteousness is hard. It means I have to be responsible. But letting go of all that weight… makes life so much easier, so much freer and light and fun. And I can use all that energy to move forward. Liberation. Freedom.
And by the way, feeling bad or regretful, as someone said, is just more of me trying to look good and be in the right.
Does that make sense? Or does it sound idealistic and impractical? “Easy for him to say…”
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