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Re: Chattering Monkeys

Re: Chattering Monkeys2011-06-08T17:06:36+00:00

The Forums Forums I Just Found Out! My Story Chattering Monkeys Re: Chattering Monkeys

#104708

sdwa
Participant
Post count: 363

Sean, I love that you’re doing something creative that you’re good at and getting recognition for it. That is inspiring. I’m very happy for you. That is AWESOME.

I was a fine arts major, and worked many low-level jobs while trying to paint at night and didn’t get too far with it in the first ten years because I didn’t have outside support. Later I had the support but discovered I worked very slowly and didn’t put together enough work for an exhibition for four years. Then I had children and gave up my studio. Later, I studied graphic design and couldn’t find a job…tried to freelance but couldn’t stay motivated because I don’t like schmoozing, I don’t do marketing or have that performer’s vibe. Nowadays I make repeat pattern designs for my own amusement. I don’t know if there is a market in the world where what I do fits, but I’m OK with it. The pleasure of making these things, and finding that I can do them for hours and don’t want to stop even after I have repetitive stress injuries, comes before any other way I might spend my free time. There is something important about people with ADHD doing what comes easily and naturally, what is fun, and what is absorbing – and taking the path of least resistance. I still work an office support job where sometimes I get to use my design skills, but mostly it is classic underachievement.

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was 45, and am only recently learning what it is and how it’s affected my life. I’m 48 now, and looking back, I think it’s extremely important to learn as much as possible. The way it worked for me is my doctor gave me the diagnosis and a prescription, but no real information about what to do, or where to look for help. I tried CHADD online, and didn’t find anything there I could relate to. I tried a local ADHD organization, and only found what I thought was a patronizing bunch of B.S. Then I found a coach who helped me feel better about myself, but I still didn’t understand what I was dealing with. Prior to that I had done years of regular talk-therapy which was either unhelpful or actively damaging. Only by hearing about the experiences of others with ADHD in a group situation have I come to appreciate the difference between what is hard-wired brain functioning and what is morality. All that self-blame stuff has been a major league monkey on my back – and I’ve found out most of my fears and most of my real ethical challenges (like lying to cover up ADHD symptoms) are driven by the ADHD itself. So looking at it in terms of mechanics and how I can restructure my environment is more effective than guilt or criticism. I’m starting to see I need stuff in my environment to do for me what I can’t do for myself, and there’s no shame in that.

I try to practice letting go of what goes on that’s beyond my control – like what other people do or think. That way I’m not obsessing about stuff I can’t fix, fulminating or carrying around resentments, or trying to exert my will on anyone. This frees up a lot of my energy for what I like to do. I’m used to mental noise, but being in the moment instead of rushing around to do things seems to help. My favorite Curious George story was when he tried to clean up an ink spill by spraying water into a room until it filled up with soap suds, then he stole a pump from a farm to try to get the water out. The entire progression of events made perfect sense.

; )

Rock on.

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