I understand your reluctance to get diagnosed. It takes time. It costs money. It’s hard to find someone who can do it properly. Start with the website here and also some of the other ADHD resources. Hallowell’s books are good. As are others. I think the more you look around, the more you will decide that yes, this is VERY familiar sounding, or Nope, I don’t hear myself in this. Trust me, if you recognize yourself, if you learn more about it and start to realize, “Hey, I do that! I thought it was just a personality quirk.” you will start to get excited and energized and you will have all the motivation you need. It’s like spending your whole life struggling to understand people and then one day you land in a country where everyone speaks the same language you do. And you realize the problem was you speak English and you’ve spent your whole life in Borneo where they only speak Borneo-ese. Or whatever they speak there. It’s a relief.