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Re: (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life

Re: (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life2012-09-20T08:56:50+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Other (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life Re: (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life

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Cranski
Member
Post count: 6

(Al~Anon Legality) This is all a fictitious story or imaginary ramblings from a nonexistent character

So sorry everyone for not ADD blocking text. Also everything I have written has been it the highest of upbeat appreciation and gratitude. You guys just can’t see it so no more apologizing. I’m good at reading facial expressions just not using them… Same for speech.

Some may say ‘aww that is just so sweet of you to express your care and concern, you sweetie pie’ (or something like that) 😳 I usually fill that with a blatant statement like ‘sorry for the grammatical errors blah blah blah blah” followed with the thanks though… I do better in person by patting on the back with a smile. I’ll work on written responses here one day.

@Geoduck

It’s just if that hypothetical character were involved with the court system and felt like writing things down. It would be beneficial to express that it could be of fictitious nature. Perhaps like when you receive an email from a lawyer with advice but not under client privilege.

“It is not all the ADHD” in-lies my problem. Also partly why I wrote on here. It is still only the beginning of adjusting and I really need to get back to see another doctor. If I had two of me I could be normal like everyone else. By saying I’m doing better than ever before just means that I didn’t subconsciously repress, run away or detach myself from responsibility.

The always present ‘floating’ physiological stress is just kicking my a$%. It cripples my ability to do a lot of things like make a list, call somewhere or even finish homework. The only thing I can do at this second is keep juggling as many of the pins as I can instead of stopping; I guess would be a fair metaphor. I don’t have all the anger issues, backlash at authority, inability to pay attention or lack of not knowing many of the things I do that are maladaptive.

Until the places I’m contacting get off their butts I can only try to maintain at this point. Although writing back these responses is quite a bit of progress. I’ve set the last of all this stuff relying on the USPS to be on time… That could drive anyone mad.

*Edit: That isn’t a cop out by any means. I thought most of it was okay because I was the one getting effected at the time. I wouldn’t lash out but would go inside for 5 minutes then be quite fine and over it; as far as normal is for me. I provided financially and was emotionally supportive as best I could be.

The only harm I did was letting people down who had faith in me to be on point 24/7 as situations or things would demand. Not only is it normally a struggle but sometimes external influences put the adhd inability to delineate and competently focus on a single task or thought and the physiological ever present “floating’ stress, into a moderate panic sensation. Causing a train wreck of human capabilities. So going to any doctor once was a triumph in its own accord.

It is hard to explain really but I can tell you it would be easier to ball up in a corner and stay there than to try and do something such as following a five minute 3 step guide. Or planning and calling and setting a second appointment, to then over analyze and ruminate to the point that if you had a prescription pad the appointment wouldn’t be necessary. I had whatever conversation we may have already if not more then once.

@Jules

So sorry you went through the same situation I have been for the last 7 to 8 years. Props to Sydney for maintaining a system for the best interest of preserving family values. I wish the same could be said here but the economy is shot, parks are close, websites taken down, and legal aid (equivalent of what you mentioned) has closed 60% of offices has 20 staff and refuses any family issues.

The state is currently doing tours of poverty for every news and federal group. The economy is dire but I never was to good at taking handouts anyway. I attempted temporary low-income type of support but the 5 to 6 year wait cause the application to get thrown away. I won’t complain about sympathy or empathy I just don’t handle accepting them like NT people would. I myself just responded to someone at the very start of a dissolving partnership just after I wrote here yesterday.

It takes people getting to know me I guess. My way of expressing human emotions is peculiar at best… :mrgreen:

@Robbo

I wasn’t going to say anything about what you wrote about what I wrote because you wrote it like I would have written it. (tongue twister) I’m in a talkative mood though, displacing my attention away from things I keep wanting to ruminate about. These post could surely use better formatting but they have been coming in the witching hours as I keep ending sleep before 12:00am….

I love the idea of meditation. In theory, if I had to pick and debate a stand point from a religious aspect I would take a lot from Buddhism. Like the response above, as soon and my fight or flight cuts off. Only diversionary works when its like this. Getting up to clean or take a walk outside. The brain is doing is either biologically or subconsciously and I can’t do much but keep chit chatting with myself when it gets more than a 4 on 1-10 scale of comfort. For anyone else that reads this it is the same as the early stages of a panic attack as if your body was responding to danger or an emergency. Not just the typical stress one might experience.

On that note the situation I was in at the time of the original appointment is why only ADHD was accessed without the other underlying causes. That was suggested to be revisited and is currently what I’m trying to shift what funds I can around to get something started. The spine is driving me mad with pain. Not to mention the constant fidgeting/bouncing coming back; it was soar enough when I stopped the first time. Now I’m soar from starting again. Good exercise though.

I agree with the sadness that comes with the burdens of late treatment. Our causation may not be the same but the correlation of effects on the physical and mental aspects share common traits. I couldn’t just go talking to someone with, for example, schizophrenia and compare conditions but the effects of both ADD/ADHD are sprinkled on every “cupcake” I’ve met.

I’m not exactly sure if Behavioral Health will do me any good. In theory, or course it should but application of knowledge obtained is still going to be a problem. I most certainly can type extremely fast making it easier even with elevated stress.

It will either come down to a psychologist practicing behavioral theories or neurological. I’m counting on the same thing I was when I approached treatment in the first place. When the comfort zone is obtained then I will delve into the old attic and do some spring cleaning. I just want a little bit of normalcy and comfort in my own skin. Perhaps then I can practice things thru repetition or application.

The explanation of how I saw turning ADHD back into a positive is still the same. It is like being stuck sitting looking out a window . You can see it, hear it, even sometimes smell it. You just can’t touch it no matter how hard you try.

Its good to know therapy is working out for you guys though. Hopefully I will get to the point of mastering the beneficial capabilities of the coined ‘disorder’ here in due time.

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