I too read the whole thing. My jaw dropped a few times and it stirred up emotions in me I havent felt for a while.
Cranski, you are an inspiration. Keep up the focus, determination and honesty. All of them are important.
At the age of 44 and only recently working out I had ADD I can sympathise. I understand when you say you don’t want sympathy, i really do get that. So perhaps I should say I can empathise – a much better way to care.
Please share your progress, we are interested and hopefully the sharing and the odd piece of advice will help you. I love the fact that you are looking for a light at the end of the tunnel and while in comparison my tunnel is not nearly as dark the hope keeps me going. I dont know what I would do if it was completely dark.
My ex-wife and I split acrimoniously 3 years ago and initially she took the kids and drip-fed me access. The kids hated it, I hated it and I had to spend a lot of money getting the access right. It took 18 months and I can honestly say that it ripped me apart. I was severly depressed and very, very angry. I look back now and it churns me up inside. I started trying to work out why she was doing that to me and I could only think that it was to hurt me. She gave me all sorts of BS reasons, but I could see what she was like. She smiled and I knew what she was doing. Trying to do all the tedious paperwork and applciations for this and that was incredibly hard for me. I hated myself for the procrastination I was doing at that time. I understand it better now.
Here in New Zealand the state (ie the country) appoint a lawyer for the children and along with my lawyer and the ex’s lawyer the ceremonial dance of the lawyers takes place. However with some help from my family I got the outcome I wanted. Over a period of six months the access gradually increased until I got 50/50 care. The crazy part of it all was while she restricted the access, I had to pay for that pleasure through giving her ‘child support’. Wow did it make me angry.
My kids are now old enough to appreciate what I did and see me as the sane parent in their lives, even though I get grumpy and a little excited and genreally ADDish. 
Just trying to show that I have some empathy for you situation. I know it really hurts to be apart form you kids, especially when you worry about the care they are getting. Hang in there. I hope the light stays bright for you.
REPORT ABUSE