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Re: (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life

Re: (Extremely long post) Overwhelmed, probably a rant of my entire life2012-09-19T03:55:19+00:00

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That’s great <<” “You must be the change you want to see in the world” ~Ghandi “>> Ghandi said a lot of good things. I think I should sit and meditate on just that quote; let it really sink in and make a permanent home in my subconscious mind. Good simple directions for a less painful life.

Cranski, first of all I feel like I need to say that I feel a little hypocritical in giving you advice about your writing. It depends on perspective of course. But I hope I didn’t offend. So much of the advice I give out here tends to really be what I need someone to tell me. It’s just another one of my very human character struggles. I project my own imperfections when I see anything like a hint of them in someone else. Anywayz. I guessing you haven’t been offended. If so, I hope you can forgive my slight cranial flatulence. (brain fart).

Is meditation an option for you?, it’s the next best tool I know of to reduce stress, relax, find some peace. Mindfulness is also an excellent way to keep ourselves calm when the mental storms are raging. I have some experience with Al-Anon. Mostly AA. but the 12 steps is the main thing. The foundation of all my recovery started in a 12 step program, back in 1996. I still find steps 10, 11, and 12 very essential to maintain my spiritual health. Recently I started meditating any time during the day. I would like to have a more stable routine. Until then I’m trying to fit in that time anywhere I can, and it pays big when I can do it daily/consistently. It’s very easy to start. Maybe you’re already an expert. Im not 100% sure I understand the legality thing you wrote. Is it kinda like a preamble?. I can come across as fairly intelligent, then really freak people out by suddenly displaying my sheer ignorance and extremely loose grip on simple recognition of the obvious. Common sense is sometimes just beyond my reach. I try to have a little fun with my little gift/curse. I’m stuck with this goofy brain, might as well make lemonade right?

I spend more time than what’s probably considered healthy thinking about all the injustice and severe suffering going on in the world. On the bright side, I end up with some passion that helps me focus on really listening to just the one human being I come across, and in trying to bring some comfort, I find relief from my own agony. As long as I don’t try to help people to escape my own pain. My gut knows if I’m being sincere or not. It serves as a good barometer most of the time. If I can help one person, that makes a difference. I find a way to be satisfied, the best I can do is enough.

A lot of your writing reminds me of some of my own struggles. I’m real sure that comparing my problems to anyone else’s is nearly always a mistake. It’s how we experience trauma that matters. And finding a way to have compassion without mixing my own grief with my sadness about someone else’s life. It really blows my mind how much some human beings can survive and still be able to function, even contribute to the world around them. I think we survive because we don’t try to do this alone. I have been in more pain than I’m willing to fully articulate lately. I just don’t like hearing myself complain. Today I had a therapy appointment. It went fairly well. I have a new assignment. Each day I have to do some writing, the same journal thing I’ve been doing for sooo many years, more commitment to do it every day. I need to add 3 things I’m grateful for each day. The kicker is that I can’t use the same source of gratitude twice. This seems nearly impossible. I’m gonna give it a shot. Maybe I can name specific people in this community, that will get me through at least a few weeks, or more… This community is the second thing that popped into my head when she first gave me the idea/assignment. I used to do gratitude lists of 10 things, but not every day. I’ll feel more enthusiastic about it if I know another, or a few other people are doing the same thing. Maybe we can start a gratitude club, just an idea for you.

Whelp, I feel like a lot of this post has been kindof a ramble fest. Most of my day has been spent in a world of mind bending intractable pain. I’m grateful that days like today don’t happen as often as they used to, I’ve been home for almost 2 hours; my medication is starting to work, finally. I was stuck in my car and couldn’t take the medication for the bulk of my day, even ran out of gas in a drive through… I was about 5 minutes away from my therapy appointment, what an awful sinking feeling… Running out of gas can be traumatic for a nut like me. I called to tell her. Get this!, she actually drove to where I was parked waiting for the roadside assistance dude to bring gas. She sat in my passenger seat and we had a kind of semi formal, but productive therapy session right there!. Cool, huh?. I was the last appointment of the day for her. I’m also grateful I have a place I can talk about what’s hard in my life without fear of harsh judgement or lack of understanding/compassion. And one more for the list, I’m grateful you’re here, and that your post suggests you’re doing better than when you wrote the book that started this thread. (just a lil joke). Maybe you will get some sort of prize, or special award for writing the longest post, and finding a way to make sense at the same time. Congratulations. :-) It actually wasn’t hard to read. My medications are working pretty good.

Tok to ya later, thanks for reading.

PS Great post Geoduck, a lot of what you said applies to what I’ve been dealing with in therapy recently. You posted that when I was editing mine. Really helpful stuff!. Just wanted to hit edit and say thank you. You managed to help me out as well. Now I kinda feel like a the puppy that already ate his kibble, but still want’s more so he’s gobbling up what’s in his brothers bowl… hehe. There’s plenty of kibble to go around here though, huh? ***munch munch, tail wagging***